Struggles

I know that yesterday's post was entitled, "Keeping my spirits up" or something. Lately my spirits are up maybe every other day. I'd like for the gloomy weather to take responsibility for the days where I just want to curl up in a ball on the floor. But I know I can't blame it all on the weather. Maybe just some of it.

The puddles outside continue to grow and grow. I'm trying to focus on the fact that the land and the people really need all that water. But perhaps two weeks straight of it is about enough? Oh, and that picture is of us one early morning at school before class. Do we look totally drained of any sunlight? Do I look like I'm 30 years old? :)

Okay, maybe I sound a little negative underneath the surface. I'm really trying not to be, but I guess it's okay to let some of it show, because I'm really struggling with staying positive and purposeful! It's so difficult for me not to be consumed by the circumstances--the cold and rain that seeps into your bones, the constant supply of greasy-laden food, the abundance of dirt and grime, and sometimes feeling like I'm not accomplishing much of anything here.

Yesterday's discussions in class were great and encouraging, like I mentioned, but today's made me want to scream. I wanted to shout, "don't you ever think anything differently than you've been told? Don't you ever have any halfway creative answers??" So obviously my frustration has sort of built up. I had to calm down and remember that they are all beloved in His eyes, and that although they are products of their culture, so am I. They are just different. They don't question things out loud. They have not been taught to think outside of the box.

But on the positive side, I'm trying to focus on these things instead: the beauty of the people and their hearts, wonderful relationships with several of my students and teammates, the fact that I have any food and shelter at all, the absence of any sickness in my body for the moment, and that He is always there for me!

I've also been thinking that perhaps I was created for just a time as this: to be a teacher in the middle of China in 2009, as many hopes and dreams deteriorate because of the economic "crisis" or other things. I have the opportunity to share with them that they don't have to be ruled by the circumstances. There is a hope in something and Someone else, which you have to look beyond those circumstances to see--something I have to remind myself about, too.

Thanks again for your thoughts. We continue on, strong in His strength...