It's always difficult for me to make big life-changing moves. Sure, I went far away for ballet, college, and then to China, but that doesn't mean it gets any easier to tear myself away from home.
On Sunday I had my China sharing night at church. There was quite a nice turnout, and people seemed really touched by the video and slide show I made. The Father definitely spoke through me, and it was great to be able to share and encourage people about what He's doing in China. And just like last year, I started to get all teary-eyed when I talked about Reborn...
I think I've finally grieved for leaving China. I'm realizing that I'm not returning there for now; that chapter is over for the time-being. Ever since I've returned from China, I have tried to be brave and practical, but my tears finally, finally came.
So this afternoon Mom and I will begin the journey to Indiana... and my new life there. I have to move into my apartment this week, because it's near impossible to find a place to live there. Then I'll return to Topeka for a few more days to hang out with my sister. And then it's back to Indiana I go.
I've been so excited about it for a long while, but now that it's here, I just feel discouraged about it. All ambition has drained from me. It's hard to remember why I'm going, especially since I'm leaving behind such dear people in China and Kansas. Is it possible for dear people to exist in Indiana too?
No matter what may happen and no matter where I may be, I still want to continue as a light. I'm not alone on this journey, just like all the other journeys I've been on the past years. Okay, God, I'm ready.
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