Outsider Looking In (7)

My brain does not work apparently. I've been trying to get it started up for school and learning again. It's frustrating to not understand half of your classes, even after going in for office hours. It's like people speak on a totally different plane. I realize our program is in competition with Harvard, but I didn't think that would mean I actually would be attending Harvard. I like to be low-key and have few ambitions in life. :)

My brain's never hurt so much in my life. Grad level Economics and Statistics are consuming my life. I actually somewhat understand Public Management and Finance classes, but those other two are a different story. Monday night at 9 p.m., I was sitting in lab staring at my computer screen trying to learn statistics software programming. It was like reading a book in Russian or repairing a space shuttle--something totally foreign. I found myself thinking, "How on earth did I ever get signed up for this?"

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Wandering around the grocery store, walking into city hall, or catching the bus to class, I feel like I'm in a daze. Even while I'm talking to people, I feel very far removed, like I'm not really there. Is that some sort of mental illness?

Anyways, after a nearly impossible Econ. quiz today, I was sitting in another class with my genius classmates. They were actually complaining bitterly about the quiz, so I didn't feel so terrible about it. One girl said brightly, "Well, when I get sad about it, I just remember there are children starving in China!" Which got me thinking about my next topic...

7.) Poverty

With my new swanky job, I've gotten to see some not-so-swanky, albeit interesting parts of the community. Part of my assignment lately has been to visit about a million non-profit agencies in Bloomington to see what they're up to. This city may only have 60,000 people, but it seems to have a non-profit for every 10 people.

But I don't even know how clients or people in need find these places. I've already missed 3 appointments because I got lost. They hide their organizations in the seemingly most remote, hidden places. I've had to call, stop at car repair shops, and ask people on the street where these places are. It's like being a detective, but not so glamorous.

So I've visited food pantries, food kitchens, shelters, halfway houses, daycares, etc. If you are poor in Bloomington, you are well taken care of. There's no excuse to be hungry or homeless, although I'm certainly not being judgmental. I realize America's an expensive place.

But that got me thinking about how poverty seems relative, and how America actually seems more socialist than communist China. In China the people in poverty lived in terrible conditions. There was no safety net for them--no welfare, no shelter, no food, etc. Hundreds of millions of people in China live on less than 2 dollars a day. They literally live in hovels or on the street. Many of them have rags for clothing, and some die right there on the street. Being poor in China means you don't have food or a roof over your head. And they are all skin and bones.

Now in America, poverty seems more relative. Yes, there are some extremely poor people in America, but at least most of them have options--welfare, Medicaid, food stamps, food pantries, shelters... Being poor in America, or at least the Midwest, seems to mean that you don't have a car or a house. But actually a lot of them do have cars. Most of the people getting food at the kitchens and pantries drove up in cars. One lady actually drove up in an Jaguar.

And the poor people look different in America. Most of them don't look underfed, and a lot of them do have a roof over their head. They were wearing clothes just like me. The thing to me that seems poor about them is their spirit. Most of them look ashamed and dejected, but not like they're on the verge of starving. It's hard to put my finger on it.

All this said, I'm thankful for the chances I'm having to go and visit these places, especially as I'm working for a department that does a lot with the underprivileged in Bloomington. I'm not trying to be heartless, it's just strange that the poor in America would probably be quite middle class in other countries. And middle class folks here are quite upper class in other parts of the world.

And I was informed that I could go to the food pantry, because I'm technically under the poverty line as a grad student. Hmmm... Maybe I should consider that. I saw some amazing organic food at a pantry I visited tonight. People can even get organic food for free! Sign me up.