Fresh trails of adventure

I don't mean to always be a Johnny Raincloud, but it just seems like difficult things have been happening in life lately. Things that sort of hurt, and make you feel rejected and raw, even though I have so much to be thankful for and am quite content. Lately I feel like I have been spending much more time in the Father's presence, and am growing other ways spiritually, mentally, and as a well-rounded person. Maybe I'll just let what I wrote in my journal a few minutes ago speak for itself:

"This day started out well, but then wasn't so great by the afternoon. I found out two of my close school friends got jobs at the consulting firm I interviewed for, but I didn't. So I feel pretty disappointed about that... Then a few minutes later I discovered that I didn't pass the Foreign Service exam, which was probably even more disappointing, because you can only take the exam once a year. I missed the cutoff by only 5 points. I think I feel down also because I thought I was well qualified for both jobs and did well in my interviews... So, Lord, I'm going to be honest. I am sad and disappointed. I feel rejected and like a loser--sort of like when John broke up with me.

BUT, I know you have promised to work all things for my good. Maybe later I'll learn why I didn't get offered those jobs and I'll grasp the bigger picture. Maybe in your divine wisdom and grace you were saving me for something better. Maybe you were sparing me from a lot of grief and turmoil later. Maybe you didn't want me to work in a stressful consulting job where I wouldn't have time for people or you. Maybe you didn't want me to live in a place like Azerbaijan where I'd be isolated and cut off from community. Whatever your reasons, Lord, I choose to respect them and trust in your plans. I will follow your leading and not my own dreams or plans. Lord, replace my sadness and disappointment with a thankful and glad heart."

After I closed my journal, I read my devotional and Bible, where I also heard words of truth. In the devotional, it was like God was speaking to me:

"I, the Creator of the Universe, am the most creative Being imaginable. I will not leave you circling in deeply rutted paths. Instead, I will lead you along fresh trails of adventure, revealing to you things you did not know. Stay in communication with Me. Follow my guiding presence."

And then in Psalm 32:8:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

So, I'm heavy-hearted that those two jobs didn't work out. I automatically think about how challenging and interesting they would have been. And then I think about how I'm sure I'll end up jobless, homeless, bored stiff, and all alone in life. The very chilly, gray day and cold I'm battling sure don't help things! Yes, I'm sad, but no, this isn't the end of life. I will move forward and keep going and continue growing. God indeed has "fresh trails of adventure" in store for me now and in the future.

When I got home from work today, I was reminded of what is most important in life, like people. Last weekend I took my Chinese neighbors with me to an international fall party with folks from church. Here is a picture of Bingjing's happy pumpkin he carved. He put it outside in between our doors, so I can see it and smile when I come home.

Bingjing and his friendly pumpkin.