Getting back on the horse

In the last post I didn't have much to say, but now I feel like I'm busting at the seams with words and thoughts. It is currently graduation weekend--hard to believe I graduated a year ago! Today it is rainy and chilly, which is opposite of graduation day last year. It felt like the middle of August in a tropical rainforest then.

My doctor referred me to a neurologist, who apparently wanted to test my endurance this week by making me get MRIs for THREE whole hours. She wanted a better look at my brain and spine to try and figure out the bizarre things that still happen to me. Wow, what an experience! It was like being trapped in a cage inside of a cage... Or being trapped inside of a bird cage inside of a ship's deafeningly noisy boiler room. I tried to think of some things I've experienced that have been worse, and there are only a few: being on a China Eastern Airlines (aka "Duct Tape Airlines" flight for 14 hours over the Pacific) and running regressions on statistical software. Yep, that's about it. Oh, and maybe getting hit by a car. Overall, however, it was a great confidence builder, and I felt extreme peace, knowing lots of people were praying. Of course it has been determined I have an absolutely beautiful spine and brain. I wouldn't expect anything less.

In other news, I didn't let any MRIs get me down this week. On Tuesday after work, I went home and thought, "Today is the day." I was determined to ride my bike (for the first time since my accident) that very day. After wheeling out my old bike that had been overhauled since the accident, I heaved it onto the bike rack on the back of my car. That was the most difficult challenge of the evening. My upper body strength is about nil. So I struggled to hoist the horribly heavy bike onto the rack. It had been the easiest thing to do last year, but now seemed about impossible. I silently glowered at neighbors walking by who watched as my monstrously-sized "Giant" hybrid bike nearly devoured me. Nobody realized the gravity of the situation! I HAD to get this mass of metal onto my car and ride TODAY.

Eventually, streaked with sweat and coated in grime, I found success. I was already exhausted and hadn't even ridden my bike yet. But I persevered and made it downtown to the B-Line trail. I parked in front of city hall, ripped my bike off its rack, strapped on my helmet, and slowly pedaled down the trail. It was an absolutely gorgeous evening, and nearly the whole town seemed out and about. I pedaled past ninth street, then eighth, and then reached seventh. I remembered turning off at this particular juncture nearly 8 months ago, and almost immediately getting hit by a distracted undergrad and his blue Saturn. As I write this blog, I paused to glance at one of the latest news stories in the city newspaper. A big story is, "May is Bike Month in Bloomington." Apparently the City of Bloomington is planning on creating a special bike corridor from west to east on seventh street that will be safer for bicyclists. That's the exact route I was on. It seems too little too late.

When I was on my bike ride Tuesday, however, I didn't really feel anything--not anger, sadness, regret, or anxiety. I loved riding my bike and want to love riding again. As I pedaled along the B-Line, I felt like I had come to terms with it all. Instead of the past, I focused on the blossoming trees, the amazing blue sky, and the colorful, cheerful people biking, walking, and running. Everything felt right. I can still bike (even if I'm a little slow), and I have been able to honestly forgive the guy who hit me--all by God's grace. Ultimately, I feel even freer than before the accident.

Although the past 8 months have been among the worst of my life, they have also been the best in many ways. I feel like a very changed person on the inside, especially. I've grown more into who God intended me to be. When you feel so lost and hurt, you have the opportunity to gain so much through the love and strength of God. As the book I'm reading, Disability and the Gospel, points out, I've discovered personally how God is a "lover of the downtrodden, the broken, and the weak." As I've mentioned before, the past several months have been an incredible refining process for my faith, and even the faith of others!

In other news, I had a letter to the editor published in The Herald-Times here in little Btown. I'm passionate about the marginalized and homeless in our community, and I've had several articles published in the paper, but this was the first opinion piece I had with a novel idea about a summer shelter that is needed here. It stirred up a lot of emotions and thoughts, with a lot of people basically freaking out. All the leaders I know in the city, though, loved it. Laura for Mayor!