Stormy seas

It is rare that Oakland receives a decent thunderstorm.  As months have now gone by without any rain, I find myself thinking about life's storms.  My grandmother had an elder brother who was a pretty decent watercolor painter.  Several of his large paintings hang around her little cozy home.  The pictures have always captured my attention--they depict tranquil beach scenes and rustic sailboats in various soft brown, peach, and turquoise shades.  Grandma has other paintings of his tucked under her bed in a box.  Unframed, they sit nakedly on canvas.

She has allowed family members over the years to choose one painting for their own homes.  A long time ago I chose a painting, which still resides in that box.  One day I'll figure out a way to transport it.  Maybe all the other tranquil beach scenes had already been claimed, but I chose one that was in stark contrast to the others.  The seas in this painting are dark, angry colors of blue and purple.  Huge waves and gale-force winds nearly threaten to engulf a brave, tiny boat.  My mom asked why I would select such an unhappy scene.  There might be something wrong with me, but think I chose it because the boat wasn't sinking or overcome.  It was a reminder that there is something beautiful and raw and poignant about life's storms that crop up after seasons of relatively smooth sailing:

Sometimes God will calm the storm for you, but sometimes God will calm you for the storm.
~Ann Voskamp

Reflecting over the past year, other sea and storm-related themes have arisen.  For much of it, my life was remarkably tranquil and comfortable.  But then this spring I gradually became more aware and convicted of my sinful heart and sinful decisions I had been making in life that were not only affecting my life and walk with Christ, but also others'.  In response, I was moved to make some changes that unmoored me from my predictable, safe life.  As a result, the seas were stirred up, and rain descended.    

If you yourself do not cut the lines that tie you to the dock, God will have to use a storm to sever them and to send you out to sea.  Put everything in your life afloat upon God, going out to sea on the great swelling tide of His purpose, and your eyes will be opened.  If you believe in Jesus, you are not to spend all your time in the calm waters just inside the harbor, full of joy, but always tied to the dock.  You have to get out past the harbor into the great depths of God and have spiritual discernment.
~Oswald Chambers  

I think Satan wants you to feel that you're drowning in the thrashing waves and blinded by the rain, but:

There's a God who allows Himself to be a Lighthouse to us through storms.
And then God allows storms so we love the Lighthouse long after the storms.
~Ann Voskamp

I'm not sure at the moment where I'm headed, but I choose to trust and keep my eyes fixed on the lighthouse.  The storms have abated for a while now, but even when they start again, I know I don't have to bail water out of the boat on my own, as Christ never abandons us or leaves us to our own devices.  And in the midst of the storm, my emotions and heart that were being deadened to sin slowly came back to life.  Filled with competing feelings of pain, grief, anger, confusion, fear... and hope, peace, relief, joy, calm... I lifted my head to the sky, rain pelting my face, hands lifted up, and realized I am gloriously ALIVE!  Alive in Christ.  Alive for the marvelous purposes He has in store.  Alive to die to myself.  Alive to truly live for Him.