Operation Thankfulness

Currently I am sitting at my worn, scarred dining table that had a previous life in the geology department. Our apartment is filled with books, various half-finished craft projects scattered around, and a nice little pile of dirty dishes in the sink. My roommate, Christine, a world-class violist, is playing one of her pieces of Bach. It's absolutely gorgeous. And in the midst of this scene, I feel the tiniest bit of thankfulness welling up in me.

I am blessed. And I'm blessed to be a blessing.

This small trickle of thanksgiving has been a long time coming. I've heard and read stories about believers rejoicing even in the most challenging, adverse conditions and times. And I've questioned why I'm not currently like those believers.

A few days ago I somehow managed to develop a nice rash on my face. Through all the trials and tribulations of late, I was at least thankful that my face looked somewhat normal and I could look at the world with some sense of dignity (or probably vanity, too). Last night I about unraveled. Okay, I could handle bum knees, bruised ribs and lungs, a bizarre infection inside the tissue of my arm, life-threatening allergic reactions...

Then... a still voice told me to "give thanks." A little later I was talking on the phone to my dear, wise sister who also suggested the same thing. Hmmm... maybe I should pay attention. After my conversation with Andrea, I looked rather guiltily at the piece of notebook paper taped to the wall with my "gratitude list" I hadn't updated for over a month. Since when has my heart become so cold and distant from God's? Since when has thankfulness seeped out of my soul? Since when have the vibrant, variegated colors of life dulled to gray?

I don't want to live that way anymore! I want to be overflowing with thanks and bursting at the seams with praise--not falsely or forcefully, but genuinely. I know I won't wake up tomorrow feeling that way right away, but I guess habits always start with small steps.

So today I took some of those baby steps. I stopped to marvel at the early evening peach-colored sky, gave a quick prayer of thanks for the funny, caring people in my church small group, thanked the Father for giving me extra grace to do well at work, and praised Him for helping me eat, laugh, and live fully again.

And I decided that this month I have designated as Operation Thankfulness. As the first official day of the operation, I leave some thankfulness quotes to ponder from Ann Voskamp, an author who has become a sort of gratitude expert:

"What you think you can't handle--might actually be God handing you a gift."

"When you bow and surrender to the sovereignty of God then you are in the posture to receive all as a gift."

"Eucharisteo (giving thanks) always precedes the miracle."

"God asks me to give thanks in everything--because this is the way you live through everything."

"Giving thanks is life giving."

Amen.