Land of the Oaks

Each time I sit down to try and write down some thoughts on this blog, I always stop myself.  In my head I think, “Laura, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

To be honest, life in Oakland and the Bay Area makes my heart ache in so many ways.  Even after 28 years of living in a variety of places and living through a variety of experiences, I still view life in a primarily black and white perspective.  My moral compass trembles every day, as alarm bells go off in my head for things that seem apparently wrong, amoral, unethical, perverse, or unjust.  Sometimes I wish I could just be deadened to that feeling.  It is tiring to have alarm bells go off all the time and feel like I must process everything I have just witnessed.  Why do my beliefs have to clash so often with everyone else’s? 

Wrong is called right, right is called wrong, darkness is called light, and light is called darkness (Isaiah 5:20).  I can make a list of large and small issues that come to mind right this moment, but even now I’m afraid to write them down, knowing that this blog is somewhere on the Internet, and anything I say or do could one day be held against me.  I don’t pretend to hold the key to absolute truth, but I do believe I have a solid foundation through the Word of God, which still stands true, while other fads and explanations for life have come and gone.

Just like my body seems to have a dismal barrier to protecting me from the heat and cold, my body and soul also seems to be immediately sensitive to all that is occurring in the broken world around me.  I am reminded that I am not here for myself.  Yes, I am called to be a light in this world filled so much with bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness.  On my 32 minute walk to work, I talk to God the entire time, knowing that He is the one who will sustain me throughout each new, unfolding day. 

Everything and everyone is a rush of color and commotion on that mundane, yet somehow momentous walk that will set the stage for that day.  Slowly I plod down the long hill running parallel to the noisy freeway, pass fresh graffiti, take in that morning’s color of sky, maneuver around a man who staggers out of the bushes, walk around the elderly women stretching or doing tai chi on the edge of the lake, nod at the ancient old man who always greets me with an accented, “Good Mornnnning!” as he hobbles by, smile at the same man on Perkins and Grand who, without fail, asks for 50 cents every day, step aside for the 3 white-haired friends animatedly chatting about other friends, bypass another familiar man pushing his rusty grocery cart full of recyclables picked from the city’s waste bins, glance at the same smashed television sitting forlornly on the sidewalk by the Indian restaurant, quickly jog across the Children’s Fairyland entrance as cars peel in, wince as someone curses out another driver, hurriedly rush by the Glass Cathedral Catholic Church overlooking the opposite end of the lake, squeeze through the crowds of commuters surging from the 19^th St. BART station, swing open wide the back door to our 12 story office building, struggle out of my now-too-hot sweater on the stuffy elevator, and arrive on the 4^th floor READY.    

So by the time I get to work I am fairly alert, and God has helped slowly readjust my eyes to try and see with His eyes.  And of course there are other positive things to focus on: a decent job, coworkers who are like family, loving friends and family both near and far, a boyfriend who is quickly becoming one of my best friends, a Scripturally-rooted and bold community of believers at church, amazing restaurants with every kind of cuisine under the sun, nearly daily sunshine, a perfectly located apartment, great health, and more outdoor activities than I’ll ever be able to fully experience.  And last, but definitely not least, the Royals gave the Giants a run for their money in the World Series!