Calm my anxious heart

Recently it has been easy to fall into the trap of anxiety, which once it grabs hold of you, won’t let go without a fight.  There are possibly myriad reasons to be anxious, especially in the past month or so. 

Work is moving along at such a rapid-fire clip that it would be easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed-out.  After having anaphylactic shock a few weeks ago to the flu shot, it is also easy for my body to be frightened of so many more things now, even food that I usually enjoy.  Protestors, and oftentimes rioters, have been marching up and down and across Oakland for three weeks, right into my neighborhood.  It would be the easiest thing in the world to panic every time I hear the now-familiar whir of the news helicopters, sirens that won’t stop, or highway patrol officers in their riot gear.  You can’t go out about every other night, because roads are blocked or things are on fire or being smashed in. Then Jeff and I have been intentional lately about discussing marriage and moving along that path.  While it is intensely wonderful, it can also easily induce feelings of anxiety: how could I possibly ever be a loving wife? How could I totally intertwine my life with another? I'm too sinful and self-centered and restless.

So easy, easy, easy to be anxious. But I am gradually learning to make the decision to not be anxious.  It is a learning-process and just doesn’t happen by itself.  A couple of other women from my church come to my house to discuss a book called Calm My Anxious Heart.  I have let anxiety control my heart and my life, even if mostly in subtle ways.  The opposite of trusting God is anxiety and worry, which is sin.  I’m so thankful for what I am learning from these women of faith and from God’s Word.  And it seems like I have had plenty of practice lately in not being anxious (see above!).  I have chosen to trust God and that He is infinitely good.  

God is helping me turn my focus to see usually anxiety-producing circumstances as faith-building.  Work may be challenging, but I also get to love and be loved by amazing co-workers.  In my job I get to help make a tangible impact in reducing poverty, even if it’s only temporary.  The hospital visit last month renewed my ties with God and strengthened relationships with several people in my life here.  And even though I don’t understand the tireless protestors who block freeways and sledge-hammered my office building, I pray continually that God would help me to have compassion for these people who must feel such extreme frustration and anger and helplessness. Lastly, as for my relationship with Jeff, I also feel confident that God is equipping us well for the future through unique and mundane experiences, other couples at church, His Word, Bible studies, conversations, and prayer.  I am so thankful for his friendship and companionship that continues to be enriched every day.  

It’s true that we don’t know what the future holds.  There are so many things to be fearful of, but then I remember God’s promises and how he has already worked in my life.  From bringing me to faith, to journeying with me around the world, God has always been merciful and mighty to save.  His perfect love casts out all fear… end of story.  

So whatever you challenges or hurdles you may be facing today, I pray that you will rest well in the arms of Jesus.  He has you and won’t ever let go of you.  Christ, the risen Christ, who faced the depths of hell on the cross for us, has been challenged by it all and knows what we are experiencing.  So let’s stand firm in our faith and refuse to dwell in anxiety.  We are filled with the light of God and the world can and will know it as a result of how we choose trust in God over anxiety and fear.