I'm not really sure what to say in this blog post, because not much has happened since yesterday. It actually did not rain at all today!! Can you believe it? And it is still cloudy, but the cold isn't as numbing. When we got to school today, several of us stood outside staring at the sky in awe. You couldn't see the actual sun, but there were signs that it was there somewhere. There were faint yellow patches intermingled with the gray. Other Chinese people saw us staring up at the sky, so they also had to look up to see what the foreigners were looking at with such fascination.
Our eyes were literally focused heavenward. That reminded me of the reasons why we were in China--to help others stop and look up. We want them to know that there's an amazing Being who not only inhabits the heavens, but is also present for everyone if they'll just call on His name.
And that's what I found myself doing last night. The past several days or so--I'm not sure how long--I've felt like I'm being strangled. Maybe that's a scary thought, but I really think I was being attacked by the enemy, spiritually, mentally, etc. The enemy knows great things for the King are happening here on the "front-lines" in dark places, and the enemy's not happy about that. The enemy will try anything to thwart the Father's plans for His people and His world. But thankfully the enemy will never quite succeed, especially if we call for help.
So yesterday I called for help. I enlisted others to call for help, also. I felt like I was slowly drowning in helplessness and negativity. I knew I couldn't continue like this, but I felt like it was the most difficult thing in the world to call for help. I couldn't make my voice move or my heart soften. All I could finally whisper was, "Father, please help!" From there I was able to get others to lift me up, and they petitioned Him on my behalf.
I didn't immediately feel different, but I fell asleep soundly, and I woke up in peace this morning. While I was teaching this morning and interacting with others, I was just filled with so much calm, and a knowledge that everything was going to be all right. It was like a quiet joy that seeped into my heart, and then radiated outward.
So I freely admit that I'm just a human. I'm a human who still makes dumb mistakes and who still has to fight for joy. But the difference as a believer is that I don't have to fight for it on my own. There's a great Warrior fighting for me in this spiritual war being waged. I just have to call for Him, and He's there to fight my battles. I might fall off the horse sometimes and get my armor all dented in places, but He's riding alongside ready to catch me and make me whole again. And the most encouraging part is that He wins in the end.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Johnny rain-cloud
Hi, y'all. It is Thursday night. I just ate a yummy dinner of tortillas and chicken--all of which I made from scratch! You should be impressed. I know I am. I'm actually starting to like cooking! Teaching doesn't seem very challenging most days, but cooking sure is!
Today it was raining again, but it was a pretty blessed day. I had office hours and taught one class and had lunch and had more office hours and helped conduct English corner. Today I had my favorite class. These students all speak in English, and they usually think at least a smidgen outside the box. I just want to hug them all. They are so talkative and interested during the whole class, which just warms my heart. My other classes are so shy, and much less talkative.
Then one of the boys with gigantic hair, who always wears cool pleather jackets asked me to go to lunch with him and his friend, another one of my cool-dressed male students. I said okay, but he had to bring a girl student too. Four other female students came as well. It was such an awesome lunch, especially because they were students who have lower English levels, but are more down to earth than a lot of other students.
I headed to lunch with six of my bubbly, and extremely eager students. On the fifteen-minute walk, they all jostled for position next to me, each of them asking me about three questions all at the same time. I tried my best to pay attention to all of them equally, while hurtling over the gigantic mud puddles.
We invaded the second-floor student cafeteria, which is always mildly controlled chaos whenever I go. It's so fun. I ended up getting tomato fried-rice which wasn't too bad, and we chatted the whole time. They invited themselves to be my best friends and invited themselves to my apartment on old campus. They have also planned my social calendar. We are to go skating, play ping-pong, play tennis, play badminton, and take trains to all of their hometowns to meet their families. Most of it is not likely to happen, of course, but it was still cute. We are going to go skating next week, though. They just made me extremely happy, because they are so enthusiastic and energetic and innocent. I want to adopt all of them. And tomorrow I get to eat with some more of my favorite students!
So for a lot of the day, I was pretty joyful and excited about life, even during English corner. If I could just hang out and talk with my students all day long, I would be totally content. I just love them all so much. But then I get all depressed when I think about teaching, or learning Chinese, or living in general. Yes, isn't that really strange? I'm just being honest, but I have never struggled so much in my life to keep thinking positively. It is difficult for me not to focus on what I do wrong, how I should be a better teacher, how people are poor, how I can never blend in here no matter how hard I try, etc.
In other news, we have started discussing culture in class. Today we talked about stereotypes people have of Americans. Here are some good ones: (And they think most of these are true!)
-All Americans are tall.
-All American women are charming.
-All Americans are very rich.
-All Americans have yellow hair and blue eyes.
-All Americans like war.
-All Americans are open-minded.
-All Americans carry guns.
In class we concluded that all of these perceptions come from American movies, because that is the only time when they are exposed to American culture. So I cheerfully dispelled most, if not all, of those stereotypes.
Well, thanks as always for your thoughts. The struggle for my mind is probably the biggest battle in my life right now.
Today it was raining again, but it was a pretty blessed day. I had office hours and taught one class and had lunch and had more office hours and helped conduct English corner. Today I had my favorite class. These students all speak in English, and they usually think at least a smidgen outside the box. I just want to hug them all. They are so talkative and interested during the whole class, which just warms my heart. My other classes are so shy, and much less talkative.
Then one of the boys with gigantic hair, who always wears cool pleather jackets asked me to go to lunch with him and his friend, another one of my cool-dressed male students. I said okay, but he had to bring a girl student too. Four other female students came as well. It was such an awesome lunch, especially because they were students who have lower English levels, but are more down to earth than a lot of other students.
I headed to lunch with six of my bubbly, and extremely eager students. On the fifteen-minute walk, they all jostled for position next to me, each of them asking me about three questions all at the same time. I tried my best to pay attention to all of them equally, while hurtling over the gigantic mud puddles.
We invaded the second-floor student cafeteria, which is always mildly controlled chaos whenever I go. It's so fun. I ended up getting tomato fried-rice which wasn't too bad, and we chatted the whole time. They invited themselves to be my best friends and invited themselves to my apartment on old campus. They have also planned my social calendar. We are to go skating, play ping-pong, play tennis, play badminton, and take trains to all of their hometowns to meet their families. Most of it is not likely to happen, of course, but it was still cute. We are going to go skating next week, though. They just made me extremely happy, because they are so enthusiastic and energetic and innocent. I want to adopt all of them. And tomorrow I get to eat with some more of my favorite students!
So for a lot of the day, I was pretty joyful and excited about life, even during English corner. If I could just hang out and talk with my students all day long, I would be totally content. I just love them all so much. But then I get all depressed when I think about teaching, or learning Chinese, or living in general. Yes, isn't that really strange? I'm just being honest, but I have never struggled so much in my life to keep thinking positively. It is difficult for me not to focus on what I do wrong, how I should be a better teacher, how people are poor, how I can never blend in here no matter how hard I try, etc.
In other news, we have started discussing culture in class. Today we talked about stereotypes people have of Americans. Here are some good ones: (And they think most of these are true!)
-All Americans are tall.
-All American women are charming.
-All Americans are very rich.
-All Americans have yellow hair and blue eyes.
-All Americans like war.
-All Americans are open-minded.
-All Americans carry guns.
In class we concluded that all of these perceptions come from American movies, because that is the only time when they are exposed to American culture. So I cheerfully dispelled most, if not all, of those stereotypes.
Well, thanks as always for your thoughts. The struggle for my mind is probably the biggest battle in my life right now.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
March musings
(Look, Mom, I'm cooking!)
(Your friendly neighborhood health clinic).
(Everyone wants an IV!)
(Shannon's second day with the IV at the clinic).Hello, from the "furnace city" of China! Nanchang has that nickname, because the weather has only two settings: brutally hot and terribly cold. Sure it isn't as cold temperature-wise as maybe Kansas, but I think it seems colder, especially now that it has been raining for about 17 days now. So everything is so damp and soggy--like my socks I wear or the paper I use for my lesson plans or the kitchen with water dripping from the ceiling.
Anyways, it hasn't been bothering me too much in the past couple of days, although it is affecting my students. At the beginning of class I'll ask my students how they are. They shout, "BAD!!" And I ask them, "why?" They scream that the cold and rain are really getting to them. I say, "What? Why?" as I clutched my damp lesson plan in one hand and watch a white cloud from my breath in the icy cold classroom.
Honestly, it was starting to get to me, too. But I've had this saying running around in my head all day: "Kill them with kindness." Yes, it's miserable if you think about it. But don't think about it! So I tried being super positive and upbeat in all my classes. Maybe my students didn't really change, but I felt my spirits lifted, and I could handle the rowdy kids better.
And, yes, they are like kids, especially my business English class. During the ten-minute break I watch as they run to the window or slap their friend on the head or steal someone's umbrella, all while screaming at the top of their lungs. But they are still my precious students, rain or shine, good behavior or not.
In other news, my teammate Shannon is being "treated" for bronchitis. Note to self: do not get bronchitis in China. They gave her some cough syrup which has been useless. So yesterday she was dragged to the old campus clinic. People in China think everything can be solved by having an "injection"--an IV.
So for four hours yesterday, Shannon sat at the freezing cold clinic in a room with other patients. This room was dedicated to the IV patients. The IV just slowly dripped into her veins forever. Then she had to return today. I decided to visit for awhile to keep her company and see this sight for myself. I was looking at the IV bag, reading the tiny print in English out loud. Our team leader exclaimed, "What? That's just sugar water!" Yes, Nancy Drew comes to the rescue! So that might not really cure much. Maybe it's a psychological thing when you have an IV pumping stuff into you.
I just sat there with them for a while, looking at the amazing surroundings. The campus clinics never cease to fascinate me. I looked at the other students who were hooked up to the same solution. One boy looked half-dead and the other girl was just coughing into the air. People had spit on the floor, and every time the door opened, you caught a nice whiff from the nearby squatty potties. A little voice in my head was thinking, "if you aren't sick when you get to this clinic, you will be by the time you leave." So I've included pictures I took at this fascinating place.
Well, that's about all the excitement to report for now! Sometimes being here just makes me thankful that I'm even alive! :) You sure learn to appreciate small little things--like gloves, a blanket, an umbrella, warm food, and friends to share each other's joys and burdens...
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Prone to wander
Rain update: 15 days straight.
This weekend has been very blessed and restful. Unlike past weekends, there hasn't been stuff going on nearly every minute, which is good for renewal. But sometimes it's not so good because then I tend to think about things too much. Like what kind of adventure I can go on next.
Anyway, this weekend the only adventure I really took was to Wal-mart, which isn't really an adventure anymore. It is very predictable, actually. You wait in the pelting, freezing rain for the 231 bus. The bus lurches to a stop in the middle of a gigantic puddle. You leap on the bus and drop in your one kuai coin, while the bus accelerates at a rapid speed. You stumble to the back of the bus in search for a seat, being strangled by the umbrella and mittens and hat and bag you are carrying.
You arrive at Wal-mart 35 minutes later. You squeeze through the mass of bodies filling the now crowded bus to reach the exit. You jump out the back door and promptly land in another puddle. Then you race in front of the other buses at the stop, and thread your way through five lanes of traffic, while taxis and mopeds nearly brush past your legs. But then you arrive at your destination--Wal-mart--which is slowly taking over the world one store at a time. But I don't complain. Because you can find things like yogurt and ground beef there. And you get to give Him lots of thanks when you realize you are still in one piece.
On Saturday I also met with my student again as we continued our study of the word and who He is. It is still going very well. Thanks as always for your thoughts about it! Then I made her some vegetable soup from scratch. I made a gigantic pot of vegetable soup, filled with cauliflowers, beans, and carrots--all purchased for a grand total of less than $1. And it actually tasted really good, even for my first attempt.
This morning we went to the small international fellowship downtown, like every Sunday. It is always a refreshing time with other believers. Even though it meets in a stuffy little hotel conference room, it is probably my favorite fellowship ever. I think because it is so simple, and it seems to represent what a fellowship should look like to me, at least. An offering is taken. Only a small portion is taken to rent the room. The rest is given to Chinese people in need--like people with cancer or prosthetic legs. Money doesn't go to salaries or building funds or music equipment. And the time is so blessed. The gathering consists of probably a dozen different nationalities from all over the world. And we just meet to lift up thoughts for each other and to listen to people read from the word. Today I was especially struck by how amazing that this can happen anywhere in the world, let alone in the middle of China! He is truly awesome.
Well, time to go. It is our team dinner night.
This weekend has been very blessed and restful. Unlike past weekends, there hasn't been stuff going on nearly every minute, which is good for renewal. But sometimes it's not so good because then I tend to think about things too much. Like what kind of adventure I can go on next.
Anyway, this weekend the only adventure I really took was to Wal-mart, which isn't really an adventure anymore. It is very predictable, actually. You wait in the pelting, freezing rain for the 231 bus. The bus lurches to a stop in the middle of a gigantic puddle. You leap on the bus and drop in your one kuai coin, while the bus accelerates at a rapid speed. You stumble to the back of the bus in search for a seat, being strangled by the umbrella and mittens and hat and bag you are carrying.
You arrive at Wal-mart 35 minutes later. You squeeze through the mass of bodies filling the now crowded bus to reach the exit. You jump out the back door and promptly land in another puddle. Then you race in front of the other buses at the stop, and thread your way through five lanes of traffic, while taxis and mopeds nearly brush past your legs. But then you arrive at your destination--Wal-mart--which is slowly taking over the world one store at a time. But I don't complain. Because you can find things like yogurt and ground beef there. And you get to give Him lots of thanks when you realize you are still in one piece.
On Saturday I also met with my student again as we continued our study of the word and who He is. It is still going very well. Thanks as always for your thoughts about it! Then I made her some vegetable soup from scratch. I made a gigantic pot of vegetable soup, filled with cauliflowers, beans, and carrots--all purchased for a grand total of less than $1. And it actually tasted really good, even for my first attempt.
This morning we went to the small international fellowship downtown, like every Sunday. It is always a refreshing time with other believers. Even though it meets in a stuffy little hotel conference room, it is probably my favorite fellowship ever. I think because it is so simple, and it seems to represent what a fellowship should look like to me, at least. An offering is taken. Only a small portion is taken to rent the room. The rest is given to Chinese people in need--like people with cancer or prosthetic legs. Money doesn't go to salaries or building funds or music equipment. And the time is so blessed. The gathering consists of probably a dozen different nationalities from all over the world. And we just meet to lift up thoughts for each other and to listen to people read from the word. Today I was especially struck by how amazing that this can happen anywhere in the world, let alone in the middle of China! He is truly awesome.
Well, time to go. It is our team dinner night.
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