Holiday reflecting

I'm alone. All four of my little sisters have left, and Mom is being productive at work. Today our last Chinese friend, Wei Wei, made her exodus from Topeka. Mom's two Chinese daughters, Mandy and Maggie, left for California a few days ago to travel. Andrea somehow is in Chattanooga, Tennessee. She will be there the rest of this week for a Campus Outreach conference.

When I first arrived home for Christmas break, I was really thankful to be celebrating the holidays with my family. But that quickly gave way to cynicism. In China I wasn't with my family for Christmas, and you wouldn't have noticed it was Christmas just looking around.

Christmas there meant telling your hundreds of eager students about the true meaning of the season. It meant performing ridiculous, but fun dances in front of a school audience of thousands who would cheer even if you just stood there. It meant a lot of rain and no snow. It meant having small parties for your closest friends and students. It meant creating new memories and new traditions. It meant that Christmas wasn't focused on giving presents, but reveling in the gift of friendship and the birth of a Savior who was actually from the East and not the West.

So Christmas in America was at first exciting, but it got old quickly. People just looked stressed and burdened. There was cheer in the air, but most of it felt false and forced. The stores were packed. I tried to avoid shopping, but sometimes I'd find myself in Target mostly just staring at the mayhem, rather than buying anything. People at church looked tired and antsy at the same time.

But thank the Lord for my new Chinese sisters who stayed with us. I was trying to love them, but they certainly showed me love. They reminded me yet again of what Christmas is truly about. Sure, it was exciting seeing them decorating the tree or opening their stockings on Christmas morning--all things they had never experienced before--but it was even better just being with them and spending time with them. I tried to be a good elder sister, and learned to respond to "Jie Jie" (older sister) instead of "Laura." My name's hard to say for Chinese people anyway.

We did sisterly things like putting on eyeshadow and watching dumb, girly movies. I even walked inside "Victoria's Secret" for the first time in my life...and then I walked promptly out with the word "scandalous" swirling around in my head. We talked about boys, and of course they are eternally concerned that I don't have a boyfriend at my advanced age of 24. But there were plenty of times for solid conversations, awesome meals with other friends, and going to church together.

Now I have to figure out what to do with my life for the next week. Maybe I'll think of some New Year's resolutions, which I'll share in my next blog. Now I'm leaving you with some of my favorite pictures from the past couple of weeks...


Big happy family making jiaozi.


We ate awesome, authentic Chinese food just about every day.


With my original baby sister.


Waiting to open stockings on Christmas morning.

Christmasing

Hello, faithful readers! I'm in a dream-- somehow I've found myself in my little room at home on the Kansas prairie. To be honest, I haven't wanted to come back to Topeka. Of course I want to see my family in my first Christmas with them since 2007, but I don't get excited about my hometown. I actually sort of dread coming back to this place. Topeka is safe, dreary, and depressing, to be honest. Things are also different, since the last time I spent Christmas here. My dear, sweet Grandma's gone, people are out of work, and I've seen and done a lot since then...

But on the positive side, there's so many things to be thankful for. First of all, by God's grace, I finished my first semester of grad school! I even got good enough grades to keep my scholarship, which means I'll continue on with my degree. I also did some crazy things to celebrate, like sledding down amazingly steep Indiana hills, which Kansas sure doesn't have. Then Andrea came up from Florida for a couple of days, and we got to walk through the snow and have a grand old sisterly time together. Then we drove the 10 hour-long drive home, with a stop at the Kansas City airport to pick up Andrea's Chinese classmate, Sarah.

In a couple of days two more Chinese students, Mandy and Maggie, will also be joining us. They have become two of my Mom's "daughters." So I love how it is my first American Christmas in a while, but it will still be very Chinese! Please think of all of these dear girls. We've already had some great conversations with Sarah. Sarah doesn't know about the Son, but she is already open. She is my "Mei Mei," or younger sister and has quickly become a part of our family.

I'm just incredibly thankful that Mom and Andrea thought of inviting these girls into our home. This is the first Christmas for all of them, and Andrea thought it would be so neat to share the love of Christ with them by inviting them into our family. And another cool thing about Sarah is that she is an exchange student from Harbin Engineering University, where my former teammate and roommate from China, Jodi, is now teaching! What a small, small world.

I'm leaving you with a couple of pictures, but I'm sure I'll have more of my Chinese little sisters in the coming days. Have a blessed week!


My gorgeous, but freezing campus!


Campus/Narnia


Baby Andrea, the Floridian, in the snow


Reading by the toasty fireplace at school

Racing toward the finish

The title of this blog says I'm "racing toward the finish." More like crawling. Having final exams around Christmas time isn't the best plan. There's gorgeous snow outside, there are a million Christmas parties to go to, and there's tons of food to eat. I've started studying a bit, but have lost a lot of motivation.

It all started with ice-skating on Saturday. The graduate student association for our program has an annual ice-skating party. For only $2.50 we could skate and hang out. I picked up skating again pretty easily, although the poor Chinese people were the ones falling all over the place. It reminded me of roller skating with my baby students in China. About ten of them would hold on to me for dear life, because most of them just couldn't get the hang of skating, although that was their 100th time trying. It also reminded me of the last time when I went ice-skating. It was last winter in Xinjiang, the Siberia of China. I've never felt so cold.

Speaking of cold, think of my dear former teammate and roommate, Jodi. She's still serving in China in the northeastern city of Harbin. Currently the windchill is -41 degrees there. Brrr!!

It started snowing here on Saturday night. We only got a few inches, but we still got the blizzard conditions. Schools are closed today, and I'm once again holed up inside studying. I really can't go anywhere with the roads and -1 windchill and want to go crazy. The salt trucks keep coming down our tiny street, but the roads stay the same. All my friends are studying anyway, and I ought to be doing the same!

Yesterday, though, before the blowing snow started, I went to church. Then by evening, the crazy weather began. I went to hang out at my friends' house, because they have a fireplace. It was only a ten minute walk, but I was a bit afraid I'd fall into a snow drift. Everything was eerily quiet outside, and the wind was throwing sharp little pieces of snow in my face. It was nice to sit by a cozy fire then with my wonderful friends!

Okay, now I'm really going to start studying again and I'll leave you with some pictures. Stay warm and healthy!


InterVarsity Graduate-Faculty Ministry Christmas Party


Reading poetry by the fire


Vanessa's expressive reading of a Shel Silverstein poem


Getting ready to brave the weather again

Winter Fairyland

Out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my Ikea bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
I threw open the curtains my Mom had lovingly made
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear?
But a miniature pick-up truck and eight tiny men shoveling a heck of a lot of snow...

I feel like I live in a winter fairyland, just like what they sing about in the millions of Christmas songs I've been listening to on the radio. I am quite excited for Christmas, or as least an American version. It's like I'm a little kid. I am, but even more so lately. Everything is magical.

On Saturday, we got several inches of gorgeous, sparkling snow. The woods behind our apartments were covered, deer played in the big, nearby field, and kids went sledding down the hills next to our neighborhood.

I begrudgingly finished all my homework so I could get on with the festive side of life. I merrily walked to the post office in the falling snow, smiling and thanking the people shoveling (another awesome reason to live in an apartment), and waving at the post people delivering mail in their tiny, boxy vehicles that weren't designed for snow. The last time I saw snowfall was in Xinjiang, China, where it was -30 degrees and they used pick-axes to clear the ice and snow on the roads... And I was less excited about the snow by Saturday night when it took me 20 minutes to dig it out of the snow that encased it.

After shedding some tears yesterday, I'm back on track. All of a sudden I felt incredibly homesick for China. I think it was sort of triggered when I was told I basically did a horrible job creating a newsletter at my job, and then when I was walking around in a daze in Target. Where did all of these gaudy Christmas decorations come from? If America's in such a terrible recession, why is everyone walking around with a pile of pointless junk in their carts? Why do people look so frazzled and anxious? And more importantly, why are people still wearing Uggs?

Well, I better get back to analyzing the Tuolumne hydroelectric project for economics. Hooray! Merry Christmas!


Some of the snow when I woke up.


Narnia at the back of our apartments.

Life Fast Forward

Hi again, folks. I know you must be surprised to hear from me again so soon. I have managed to turn in some pretty hefty assignments in the past few days, so I'm giving myself a tiny break for tonight before the crunch begins again.

A part of me wants this semester to be over now! But then I am reminded of how I love my classmates and life here. Life is also fleeting, and I can't always be wishing toward the future. I want to enjoy here and now, even if it is filled with lots of statistical software and economics case studies that threaten to drive me insane...

Besides, life is also filled with awesome people, an enjoyable job, gorgeous scenery, a great church, and so many other blessings and challenges. Last night I was leaving work at city hall in the dark at 7 p.m. It was snowing beautiful, fluffy snowflakes and had accumulated on the roofs and grass during the day. All of downtown, including city hall, was lit up with white lights and pretty wreaths. I finally had some decent boots on and was feeling rather cute and festive. I've been feeling worn out, but I am glad I can still thank God for little glimpses of heaven... except I probably won't be wearing a winter coat in heaven.

Speaking of winter coats, another thing I'm so thankful for right now is heat inside! I spent the past two, long winters decked out in multiple layers of long underwear and outerwear that I had to wear outside and inside. Remember my stories of getting chillblains on my fingers and having frozen, white toes in China? I want to practically shout for joy every time I go into a warm building here. Maybe I'll forget about that soon, but I'm still counting my blessings! We take so many things for granted here in America.

I'm also thankful for people. I have spent this semester in a small "cohort" of people. We were assigned to the cohort, and have all the same classes together. I've grown quite fond of them, and will be sad to have different classes without them next semester. I've learned a lot from them, and respect them a lot. Our last classes together are next week. The following week we have finals.

And even thought it's been freezing, I've been walking the 40 minute walk home from campus instead of taking the city bus. It has given me a lot of opportunities to clear my mind and freeze my face off. Today I was thinking about some things in American culture that changed since I was away:

What's new and didn't exist before I left for China:
-Twitter
-The recession
-Justin Bieber
-Lady Gaga
-The Obama administration
-The smart phone craze
-Leggings
-Sarah Palin

What's old and doesn't exist anymore:
-The "poof" hairstyle
-The Bush administration
-Mercury, Pontiac, and Saturn cars
-Jobs

What persists and I wish would go away:
-Uggs
-Fake tans
-The U.S. deficit
-Annoying politics
-Aforementioned leggings
-Sarah Palin

Thankfulness

On a crisp autumn afternoon last week, my dearest mother arrived on my doorstep in Bloomington! In between going to classes, Mom and I hung out, went on walks, visited my church, and talked a lot about everything under the sun. Then she and I drove the looooong way to Rochester, NY to visit our dear, dear grandparents! Andrea flew up from Florida, and we had ourselves a very pleasant, blessed Thanksgiving.

I haven't gotten to see my family much over the past few years, so every time I can see them is a time to thank the Father. And even though Andrea and I don't see each other much, we still say the same things and talk like twins. We just don't really look like twins. How can we be related?

Anyway, we got to cook, visit different places in Rochester, enjoy a bit of snow, and loved being with each other. It was also great to love and help serve and pamper our grandparents--especially Grandma, who works so hard!

I don't know what else to say, except it's sort of a let down to be back at school, still failing different quizzes, etc. But I'm trying to look forward to the awesome things and people God's put in my life here, too. I did sort of miss my classmates; they all had crazy Thanksgivings filled with events like getting engaged, going to tropical islands, and even getting into car wrecks... You might not hear much from me over the next 3 weeks with classes, papers, projects, and final exams coming to a climax.

Hope your Thanksgiving caused you to reflect on your many blessings!


Reunited with my baby sister.


Baby Andrea making an amazing apple pie from scratch! She has taken over the apple pie-making business from Grandpa-the best teacher!


Grandpa with chocolate that came all the way from Abilene, Kansas.


Sharing a laugh with the cutest grandma.


Hot chocolate weather.


Mama and Andrea.


An amazing gingerbread house at the Eastman House.

I heart China

Tonight I was at my Korean friend's house playing Balderdash with people. His Chinese roommate walked in, and I realized that I am a bit too eager when I meet a Chinese person. I meet a new Chinese person almost every day, but I am still like this. I automatically speak to them in Chinese, and then they answer me back in their perfect English. I practically attack them. He was once again from the big city of Chengdu. I have yet to meet a Chinese person here from a "lesser" city like Nanchang.

Like I said in another post, most of the Chinese who come to study must be quite well-off. Remember my Chinese friends Grace and Jian? Well, they're going to... Hawaii for our very short Thanksgiving break. Hawaii. Yep, they're rich. I've never known wealthy Chinese people. But they're still in need of friendship and a Savior.

And remember some of my baby students, who could only dream of flying on an airplane, let alone going to Hawaii? A lot of them still keep in touch with me through email or Skype. Thanks, Father, for technology that bridges the ocean! My business English students are now in their third year of college, meaning they're basically done. Most of them are leaving this month for internships in far away cities. I'm extremely proud of them, but also anxious for them. I know many of their "internships" won't be much better than toiling in a factory. Some of them might end up in factories. But I hope and pray that they'll remember there is a Father who loves them more than they could imagine, and a Redeemer who will get them through the toughest days.

One thing I couldn't quite imagine was being a Chinese believer. I happened to be a believer in China, but that was nearly totally different. I didn't have all the constraints and obstacles that most Chinese believers have. I remember hearing a pastor recently say that sometimes people need "less exhortation and more encouragement." I could exhort my fellow Chinese believers, but often they just need a whole lot of encouragement to keep running the race!

A case in point is my dear Chinese sister "R". We email nearly every week and talk frequently on Skype. It nearly broke my heart to leave her, but she needed to be able to fly on her own and with the help of fellow Chinese sisters and brothers. I have just tried to encourage, encourage, and encourage her. She has recently broken up with her non-believer boyfriend, is being engaged with her fellowship, and growing in the Word. I didn't judge her or lecture her when she had that boyfriend or often didn't go to fellowship. She needed to make her faith her own. And she needed a lot of encouragement to keep living in Him. I don't know what it's like to be a Chinese believer, but I can love them and pray for them... He's the One who changes hearts.

Please continue to think of our Chinese brothers and sisters!

I'm leaving you with a precious picture my old students sent me last week. It was their last picture (in the shape of a heart, of course) before they all left the university to find work. So sweet! Father, watch over them...

Novembering

Wow, where does life go? It's already 9:45 a.m. on November 10th, 2010! I had class at 8 a.m. this morning and took yet another economics quiz. I may have actually gotten better than a 70% this time. Studying for those quizzes and preparing for the econ papers makes me want to tear my hair out most days.

Speaking of hair, one of my classmates who is only 23 dyed her hair recently. She said it's because she found gray hair, which she attributes to the stress at grad school. (I think I would also attribute some of it to her boyfriend, who's always around).

I'm 24, thankfully without gray hair, and am starting to feel a wee bit old. Yesterday I got my hair cut by a woman who looked in her late 20s. She had perfect hair, perfect makeup, and super stylish clothes. She looked a good 5 years old than I was. Then she started talking about how she's 24 and an "old maid." It was really strange. If she's an old maid at 24, doesn't that also make me an old maid? I didn't really care about that part. But why don't I look 24? I think I'm going to go straight from looking 18 to 35.

I also try not to care about those things, because there are also a lot of other better things to think about. My Chinese friend, Grace, has still been coming to church with me. This past Sunday she also brought her boyfriend, Jian, who is from Beijing. They are both very well-off. I've never really hung out with Chinese people who are far richer than I am. I drove us all to church in my Ford (which I'm thankful to have!) and he nonchalantly mentioned the brand-new Audi he has. I was like, "Son, why am I driving?" Later he did pay for us when we went out to eat lunch at a Chinese restaurant, although I tried to fight him for the bill true Chinese-style.

Grace's parents are government officials, meaning they have amazing security and perks for life. Jian's parents are bankers. They both studied at the best universities in Beijing. The majority of all their classmates from China are also studying in America. It's the thing to do. They have led almost opposite lives from my dear baby students in Nanchang. Most of my students' parents were poor farmers or migrant workers in factories...

But no matter rich or poor, everyone still needs to know His love! Please remember Grace and Jian--I'd love to study the Word with them! They are both very open.

Treading Water

It's November! Life is feeling very fall-ish here. The majority of the leaves have fallen off the trees, and I've realized that leaving my winter shoes and clothes in China don't help me much in America...

Oh, and I was looking forward to being nice and toasty in my American classrooms. In China, there wasn't any heat inside, so it was literally the same frigid temperatures inside as outside. However, being a student in IU's School of Public and Environmental Affairs, our program has embraced the campus-wide "energy challenge." And, of course it turns out that our building is currently winning this contest. That means it's practically dark and freezing inside. So ironic and funny!

Although the weather's quite chilly and crispy now, it was quite warm for a couple days early last week. The "historic storm" that was all over the news passed through here Tuesday. Tuesdays are the only days I don't have class or work in the morning. Apparently six tornadoes touched down in the state, and the tornado sirens also went off here. I momentarily hid in my little closet, but figured that wouldn't help much, so I stood transfixed at the window, mesmerized by the torrential rain, 60 mph winds, and swirling clouds. Too bad I wasn't working at City Hall then. A lot of my friends and co-workers had a great time during the tornado sirens.

In other news, I feel like I'm truly beginning to understand the saying, "just trying to keep your head above water." I've never felt quite so overwhelmed by classes, exams, and projects. I feel like I'm average in my classes, which I'm fine with at this point. In managerial economics, the class average is a C-. Yep, that's me! It's sort of funny to see a class full of over-achievers get worked up about that. I've kind of given up caring. As long as I somehow pass!!

Although it feels like I'm about drowning, I have managed to carve out time to hang out with lots of different people. It also helps that I have to work with people in studying for exams and working on projects. I would be doing a lot worse if I couldn't ask my classmates for help. As an undergrad, I was independent and self-sufficient. I would fail now if I tried learning and doing everything on my own.

I've also been getting to know my Chinese friend, Grace, who has been coming to church with us. Please think of our relationship! She has already latched onto our friendship, saying I'm her "favorite American friend." Why do Chinese people automatically draw toward me, when there are tons of other interesting white people? I guess it's either because I'm half-Chinese, or it's a gift from the Father. Maybe my mom somehow raised my sister, Andrea, and I as Chinese. Andrea also has tons of Chinese friends, and is actually doing a Bible study with interested Chinese girls on her campus. Please think of them! :)

Here's some more random pictures of late:


At church with Grace.


Picture during church, courtesy of Grace.


Chinese pose with Jenn, who also happened to have lived in China.


Went to "Little Women" the opera with my friends. I love "Little Women," but it should not be made into a bizarre opera.

Flashbacks

Thanks for your many wonderful thoughts that helped me get through the past week! The week could have potentially turned out differently. I was tired, studied out, and discouraged. But the Father got me through exams, quizzes, papers, projects, and work. I tried my best, and so far it seems that I'm still in grad school. :) He filled me with diligence, peace, energy, and encouragement for others.

This past week I also had to sign up for next semester's classes--already! In case you couldn't remember (I barely can), I'm studying Public Affairs with concentrations in public management and nonprofit management. And while a part of me wants to think ahead to the future for internships, a way to return to China, etc., I can't live in the future.

In fact, I've been having little snippets of memories flood back from my time in China:

-I've been reading a great book called "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan," by Lisa See. It's about 1800s China, and all the things involved with being a proper woman in China: footbinding, childbearing, sickness, famine, obedience to elders and males, and modesty. I recalled being in Reborn's home and listening to her dear Grandma explain the painful process of having her feet bound. It was so painful, but also a great source of pride for her. Her parents also told us stories about famine, and how they had to eat bark to survive. Women no longer get their feet bound, and famine hasn't happened in China for a long time now, but I can see strong connections in others ways with traditional and modern China. Many of the same thoughts, beliefs, traditions, social structures, and motivations persist today. So many things my students told me now make a lot more sense.

-I read an article on the BBC about Chinese people creating video games to vent their frustrations with the authorities: One game, Peddlers vs. City Enforcers, "pits street vendors against officials trying to remove them." Immediately I remembered walking down the back alley of our school where illegal vendors sold their goods. Illegal vendors are everywhere in China, but only sometimes are they punished.

I'm not sure if I ever wrote about it in my blog, but one day as I was walking in the alley, I saw the uniformed "enforcers" arrive. Most of the vendors saw them coming, packed up their bicycle carts, and silently disappeared down deeper alleys. One older woman wasn't so fortunate. She couldn't get away in time. The enforcer zeroed in on her, angrily tipped her bicycle cart over, scattering her few goods everywhere. Then he began beating her as he yelled. Everyone else stood silently by. My presence as a foreigner didn't help either. In fact, my very presence could get her in more trouble, so I quickly got out of there. Thank goodness Watermelon Lady wasn't there.

-Every day I see and talk to my Chinese classmate, "Grace." While she is far richer and better educated than my precious baby students, she is still sweet and very Chinese. When I see her clothes or hear her accent, I always think about all my friends in China. Then I am motivated anew to befriend and love my fellow international students.

-This morning I saw a typical-looking Chinese family talking a walk. The mother wore a reflective visor over her face to protect her skin, even though it was cloudy. Their child was naturally a boy. I thought about all the elaborate gear women wear in China to keep their skin white. That was one thing that I never had to worry about in China--my pale skin was prized like "tender tofu," according to my students.

-Remember the camping dilemma? My friends still went camping, but I decided to go to a missions dinner at my church last night instead. I was the only person under 40, but it was an amazing time to meet other people who also have a passion and heart for missions. There were also about 10 missionaries that shared. My church supports at least 50 full-time missionaries, which is incredible.

I sat next to a man serving all over the world, primarily in Thailand and southern China. I talked with another older lady who serves in southwestern China. She and her husband have been there since China reopened in the early 1980s. We both talked about the amazing pace of change there.

Perhaps the most exciting was a man I talked to who is with Navigators International Student Ministry on our campus. He said that there is such a need for help at their English conversation clubs. He also said there is a need for a woman (like me!) to meet one-on-one with some of the female international students. There are many Chinese students, in particular. Wow. What do you think? That's exactly what I did in China, and I miss it. It seems like such an answer to prayer to be involved with international students that way.

-Summer internship hunting has also got me thinking about China. I started applying to places in the federal government, but my heart's still in China...

Thanks for your thoughts! I love you all and am praying that you will be renewed with His strength this upcoming week.

America 101

There are some aspects of American culture that I'm still adjusting to that I've noticed in the past few days. The first one is church. I attend a church that is extremely missional and internationally focused. The congregation is made up of tons of internationals, the sermons and worship are amazing, and it seems like God is really glorified. I'm just still amazed and thankful that 500 people can openly meet in a building like that...

Another aspect is the fact that it's okay I don't have a boyfriend in America. In China, my students were very concerned about this, especially when I reached the advanced age of 23. Yesterday, my Chinese classmate and I were discussing my lack of a boyfriend, which transported me back to China in my thoughts.

I saw her talking to a tall Chinese guy, so I asked her in Chinese if that was her boyfriend. Of course she got all flustered and turned the question on whether or not I had a boyfriend. I said, no, I didn't, and she couldn't believe it. Then she switched to English as we walked into our classroom, and our classmates could clearly understand us. She said, "What about 'George'?" with a knowing look. "You sit by him a lot."

Yes, I do sit by George a lot, who could probably hear our conversation by now. But how could I explain that George is gay and thus couldn't be my boyfriend? This would be awkward, and she would be confused--in a traditional society like China you don't really run into that situation much. So I just tried to manuever the conversation in another, less potentially embarrassing direction. I just told her that I liked to sit by many different people...

Then I experienced yet another side of America that doesn't exist in China. I went to a political debate last night with some of my friends, including the aforementioned George. It was sponsored by IU's School of Public and Environmental Affairs, where I'm a student. It was held downtown in a cozy old theater from the 1920s. The theater, the people, and the debate seemed all very old-fashioned.

I sat in the balcony to listen to the three candidates for Congress. At first it was rather boring, but then the candidates and the audience were interesting to watch and interact.

The Democrat: He is the incumbent, and has been around for millions of years. He's pretty old school, and got riled up a lot for no reason. He seemed rather conservative for being a democrat, and had all the right, expected sayings.

The Republican: He is a Naval Academy graduate, a lawyer, and a little too smooth. He also said all the right things, but never really said anything at all. He also got very worked up. And his suit and tie matched the democratic guy exactly.

The Independent: He isn't married, and you could tell, because he wore a splotchy looking gray suit with a purplish tie. He was pretty much the comedic relief. I probably agreed with him more on the issues than the other two candidates, but he wasn't as well-spoken. He also kind of went off the deep end towards the end of the debate, when he dramatically called for the Democratic congressman's resignation, who was standing right next to him. The audience just laughed.

The Moderator: He had actually coached the University of Kansas last year, which won the national debate championships. Now he's teaching at IU. He was pretty cool, and didn't get too ruffled when the audience and candidates did unpredictable things.

The Rest of the People: The theater had a lot of media, which was the only thing that reminded me we weren't in the 1940s, because of their laptops. The audience was an interesting mix of people from the university, farmers from the surrounding areas, and people from the small military base nearby. They all embarrassed me, because at some points they would applaud loudly, or boo, or stomp their feet on the floor, even though the audience was told to be well-behaved. I didn't understand, especially because the candidates weren't really that different from each other. Two police officers dressed in uniforms like Mayberry, watched the audience to make sure they didn't go too crazy.

All in all, it was a fascinating exercise on American society and politics. Now I have to finish studying for yet another midterm, which isn't a rarity in American or Chinese life...


The Buskirk-Chumley theater downtown. What a name!


The outside of the theater.


The debate.

White people, USA

I have nothing against white people. I happen to be white. Sometimes I'm a little disappointed; I feel much more Asian than Caucasian. I went to high school and college surrounded by many different colors. I went to China and was surrounded by Chinese people. At grad school I'm also surrounded by tons of international students.

So today was a bit of a culture shock when several of my friends and I drove east to Nashville, Indiana. It was a beautiful fall day for a beautiful fall drive. We were headed for a quaint town nestled in the hills of east central Indiana.

I imagined a quiet main street with tiny restaurants and maybe a few people in flannel shirts and jeans or something. I guess that was partially true, except that main street was filled with thundering pick-up trucks, motorcycles, and tons of rather large white people. It was fascinating. It was like white people's Disneyland. I couldn't quite figure out why there were millions of people in this middle-of-nowhere town that was only filled with candy and Christmas knickknack shops. It was almost as crowded as China. These are some things I noted:

-People ate cotton candy.
-People ate fudge.
-People ate hotdogs.
-People ate cotton candy, fudge, and hotdogs all at once.
-People shopped with at least 10 ten children per family.
-People owned Harley-Davidson everything; the bike, the attire, etc.
-People wore plenty of camouflage.
-People bought confederate flags. Wasn't Indiana a part of the Union?
-People ate, ate, ate.

The highlight was when we ate at "Calzone Jones," an earthy little restaurant with an owner named Frank, who wore suspenders, and had a gray mustache the size of Texas. His family worked with him. They all shouted like they were deaf. Here is one conversation we heard word-for-word between the twenty-something girl on the phone with her grandma--probably Frank's wife. Everyone stopped to listen. You couldn't help but listen.

"IS MOMMY THERE? MEEMAW, IS MOMMY THERE? YES, MEEMAW, I LOVE YOU TOO!!"

A few minutes later another daughter actually shouted to all the restaurant patrons, "CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?!"

The whole restaurant came to an awkward silence. Was the building burning down? Nope. She went on to explain in her booming voice:

"ALL THE OVENS ARE FULL! ALL THE OVENS ARE FULL WITH STUFF RIGHT NOW! PLEASE BE PATIENT!"

I couldn't help but laugh. That place had character. Frank, who must have been about 80 years old, also advertised his "debut CD" on sale for only $13.00. They played it in the restaurant. Frank plays the fiddle, of course. If I ever return, which I probably won't, perhaps I'll think about purchasing a copy.

So it was a bizarre town, but it was so fun to hang out with friends, take a break from studying for mid-terms, and just wander around aimlessly.

I hope you're having a beautifully blessed weekend!


In Nashville with my Chinese-American friend, Yee. We were both a little scared by all the white people and white people stuff.


Chinese pose.


A picture-perfect church.


Vanessa outside of Frank's place.


Our group from IU Graduate-Faculty Ministry.

My other self

A new life experience is sometimes a great opportunity to change things about yourself that you'd like to. For example, I want to do things that make me uncomfortable--not in a sinful way, but in a stretching way. So I'm starting small. And my experience in small group can be an example.

To be very honest, I really don't like dogs that are larger than a stuffed animal. First, dogs always love to leap on me, lick me all over, claw my legs, etc. The small group I go to has a dog at the host's house. I decided that I was going to fake liking the dog until I actually did start to like it. So far I haven't been that successful.

When I walk in the door, the dog bounds over to me, puts its paws on my legs, and starts going crazy. I plaster on a smile, and pet it excitedly, just like I grew up with thousands of dogs when I was a child.

Then during the Bible study, the dog usually paces around the room of 10 people, then settles on putting his head on my lap, of course. Sometimes I can ignore it. Other times I pet it and scratch its head.

Then last week, I had to stretch myself even further. The dog was licking my arm, and then the super cute hockey player guy of the group announces a camping trip. Oh, no, I thought. Not a camping trip. But everyone else, even the other girls get super excited, like it is the most thrilling event in history. Then a Johnny Raincloud in the group (who actually wasn't me) mentions, "But there's a fire ban, because of the dry weather." I perk up at this news. No camping with a fire ban. Maybe there will be a fire ban until winter, and no more chances for camping!

But, alas, everyone is determined to camp, fire ban and all. I immediately think of my limited camping experiences and all the excuses not to go. I used to camp in a tent at Cape Cod with my relatives every summer when I was young, but that was different. We were at a campground, there was access to a bathroom, and there weren't any cute guys.

Now this is a whole new ball game. I'm 24, and camping sounds about as appealing to me as an overnight train ride in China, which actually might be more rugged than camping. Both involve sleeping poorly on hard surfaces, going to the bathroom in a hole, and feeling extremely unglamorous.

Anyways, I also put on my "other self" in different situations. This weekend I went to a ballet with my friends, which I greatly enjoyed. It made me miss dancing a lot. It was rare that I felt much more joyful and challenged than when I was dancing. I loved performing, too. Probably because I could be someone else--someone graceful, elegant, and talented.

Teaching was also a lot that way too. I wasn't Laura; I was a teacher who could engage, encourage, and excite classrooms full of students. They couldn't tell that I was afraid of dogs, disliked camping, or sometimes felt inadequate.

I had a similar feeling last week when I presented a 45 minute group presentation in our Public Management class. As part of our presentation, I played the role of a moderator for a press conference. Without trying, I had the whole class in stitches. I got a little scared since this was a grad course. But then I saw the professor thoroughly enjoying it, too, so I relaxed. They went crazy during our presentation, and we got our point across quite well. Afterward, a lot of my classmates came up to me and said things like, "You deserve an Oscar!" or "You were so convincing as someone else."

Yes, I'm quite good at being someone else. Is that okay? I don't feel that happy about it.

Whatever the answer, I know I am the most content with my identity as a dearly loved daughter of the King. I can be myself, and He still loves me. I can be Laura.

My photographer self took a couple of these fall shots:


The gorgeous view outside my apartment.


A very orange tree on campus.

Life of Late

My humor and positive attitude seem to be slowly draining away from life over this past week. I wouldn't say I'm stressed, really, but overwhelmed, yes. I have two mid-terms next week that have an incredible amount of preparation and studying. We also continue to have papers and readings and homework due. The homework is what's driving me crazy. Each assignment takes about 10 hours, on average, to complete. So I'd say I spend at least 40 hours each week doing homework, studying, and reading. That doesn't include sleeping, working, eating, meetings, searching for internships, and taking a break.

Faint thoughts are starting to creep into my head, like "Is this really worth it?" I'm not so sure at the moment. Probably because I'm not even halfway through with this semester, and can't see how it could possibly get busier and more difficult, although I know it will. I know my classmates also feel the same pressure, but they just seem to understand things better and faster than I do. I just feel slow.

There have been a few bright spots lately, though. I'm attending a new small group every Tuesday from my church. I don't care how busy I am; I always make sure I can go to church and small group. I love the fellowship and the people, but sometimes my brain also hurts after that. Everyone in this town is so intellectual--even Bible studies can make my head swim.

The trees are also turning amazingly gorgeous colors, and it's been warmer of late. One morning last week I had to scrape frost off my car at 7:30 a.m. That was a wee bit cold for early October. Now it's warmer again.

And tonight I'm going over to my friends' house to make Greek pizza and then we'll all go over to campus to see the ballet. I think I might really cry when I see ballet on stage again!

My dearest Chinese friend and I still communicate through email. Here's some of the encouraging words and unsolicited boyfriend advice she shared with me this week:

"my dearest baby laura 谢佳曦！

i've seen your pictures. i'm really glad that you are a little fat with your face, haha don't mind the word of fat, it's okay for you! canse you are so thin. i know the life for you is a little difficult now, but both of us sure that Father is always here.

my baby laura, even i'm really busy now. but i feel it's empty when the weekend is come. i miss the day that i went old campus every weekend on Saturday almost TWO YEARS. i really miss the time i spend with you!

Kelsey told me and also you must knew it that she will get marry in 2012. wow... how blessed she is! it's must so happy the husband is a brother! i'm so happy for her! and envious of her! haha. and i said to Father too i know he's prepare for you a good man. it's just not the time now. baby laura. you are a good girl of Father. be confident to yourself as Father to gave you of him. the good boy is waiting for you, not you are waiting for a boy..."

So I will continue to keep going, trusting in Him and waiting on Him for everything!

An American Autumn

I'm taking a break from the futile and frustrating effort to write a memorandum for economics about marginal cost pricing of water in California. And I'm going to contemplate for a few minutes the development of a new season in Indiana: the beauty of fall. It's a season I haven't really experienced for a while.

In Nanchang, there wasn't such a season. It was 95 degrees with 95% humidity until mid-November, when suddenly it turned extremely cold, and you had to start wearing long underwear 24/7. And the small, scrawny trees were perpetually faded a greenish gray all year-round.

So I haven't really experienced "fall" since 2007. But, wait, that's not quite true either, because I was in southern, coastal Virginia for college. It became a bit more fall-ish than Nanchang, but not the hearty-type of fall like the Midwest and New England. So I would say I haven't had a real fall season since 2003, when I was still in Kansas.

Right now it is becoming fall here in southern Indiana, and I'm in love! This morning I worked at the Multicultural Expo in downtown Bryan Park. It's a gorgeous park that looks its best in the fall. You wouldn't think you were downtown. There are rolling hills, rustic fences, and large patches of huge, healthy trees.

The huge old trees are turning so many shades of deep red, bright oranges, and pretty yellow. In the sunlight, the trees seem to glitter like gold. The tall grass everywhere is also turning muted colors of purple, brown, and orange. It almost takes my breath away, thinking about how God could create such a beautiful scene.

And it's so strange to be in such a community. This morning as I was talking to people at the Expo, I felt so warm and comfortable with all the cheerful, friendly people, who represented so many different cultures. I've never lived in a little town like this. It's seems so quintessential American: the small, narrow streets, the state police directing football game traffic, the children swinging and laughing in the park, the charming store-fronts, and the low-key atmosphere. Yet at the same time, it's dominated by a state school, it's filled with people from all over the globe, and is extremely progressive. At night I almost dread going to sleep, because I'm afraid I'm going to miss something exciting.

One of my Chinese classmates wants to go to church with me on Sunday. I'm also working on a group project with 2 international students, one of whom is a guy from India and was trained as an engineer. He's extremely fascinating, especially since his vocabulary and passion for life seem bigger than mine. I've asked him about his faith as a Hindu, and he seems pretty open, but surprised that people would talk to him about it. He said he is of the highest caste in India as a Brahmin. He admits he and his family lead very privileged lives back home. One of his beliefs is that he can't eat meat, or he "will become meat." Most of the international students here come from wealthy or well-to-do families, I've discovered.

So while many aspects of my life are going well, classes still aren't that great. Sigh... Hope you are having a blessed fall, and take time to stop to appreciate God's wondrous paintbrush.

Learning Curve

People have told me that there's a very steep learning curve for grad school. I'd agree. It's like having climbed some baby and medium-sized hills my whole life, and then being told to go climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. I still love being here and learning, but I certainly feel a little shell-shocked. Every class, assignment, and exam goes 10 times faster and 10 times more in depth than any of my undergrad courses.

Although it sounds like I'd be locked away in my room or the library all day, the opposite is true. I'm still working (and loving it!), hanging out with friends, volunteering, trying to love people, etc. Sometimes I wish there weren't so many cool things and people!

This past weekend, I worked on a group project, attended a professional seminar, volunteered in setting up for the big Red Cross book fair, saw my first opera, went to church, ate dinner with friends, and went to a Bible study--all in between studying and working on homework like crazy.

Life's not lacking any luster, although I'm a bit concerned about grades... I now own more than a C- to my name. I can officially throw in a few Bs. Laura Perfectionist Freeze is learning how to let go of the life-long obsession with As. It's rather freeing. Hopefully I'll be able to get my grades up a little higher to keep my financial aid, however. :)

Hope you are experiencing some beautiful fall weather! And happy 88th birthday to my favoritest, dearest Grandpa! I love you, Grandpa!!


I try to look cute in between studying. :)


At the awesome three hour-long IU opera with Jennifer and Jess. Somehow we all wore turquoise.


Our other friend, Malsi, didn't get the turquoise memo. :)

Days of my life

Like always, it's been a whirlwind week. I feel like I've been in a race; when I get to the end of the week I'm exhausted! But usually I'm exhausted in a good, fulfilled kind of way. Whether it's classes, work, studying, hanging out with people, or enjoying the 98 degree fall weather, it all seems worth the effort.

So far in my grad school career, I'm standing at a C-. And I'm pretty proud of that C-, especially when I'm surrounded by geniuses. That was the score of my first Management Economics quiz; I'm honestly surprised I didn't do worse. I've completed various other assignments and papers so far, but the professors don't seem overly eager or motivated to give them back to us. All I have is a 70% to my name.

I feel like my time in China has helped but also hurt me for grad school. It helps because I'm older, hopefully wiser, more grateful to be here, much more social, and have learned from some crazy life experiences. It seems to have also hurt me because I'm older, rustier, less concerned with grades, more nonchalant, and easily distracted by American culture.

Anyway, the weekdays are packed full with classes, work, group projects, and activities during the week. Then the weekend is also packed full with a million interesting things to do, church, beautiful scenery, international Bible studies, and of course, much more studying.

Tonight, for example, I'm going to the opera with my friends. We bought season tickets for only $50 to see 6 operas and 3 ballets. The IU School of Music is world-renowned, so I'm excited for such culture that I've been craving the past several years. I was going to go to the football game, but I think opera wins.

In other news, it's exciting to hear about how the rest of my family has also embraced international students. They have always had a big heart for other nations, but it seems like the Father's really brought some awesome people into their lives lately.

My mom has basically "adopted" two Chinese girls who are students at Washburn University. They come over to Mom's house to cook, hang out, and discuss the Word! They love having an American friend who is motherly and loving and fun!

Then Andrea has had a long relationship with international students, too, at her college. She and I both agree that we just seem to click better with Asians than other people. Last year her Chinese roommate became a believer, because Andrea was also loving her and sharing about truth with her. Now that girl is attending fellowship and growing in her faith. Some of Andrea's best friends are Chinese, Malaysian, and Korean. And as an intern with Campus Outreach, Andrea is just continuing her relationships with them.

Here's a picture of Andrea with her Malaysian friends at a birthday party recently. It warms my heart!

My crushes

Happy 3 month anniversary to me! I've been back in America for 3 whole months now, which seems like such a short time, but also an eternity! Yesterday I was talking to a Chinese person, which I do about once a day, but I realized my Chinese has gotten a lot worse. I'm already forgetting a lot. It's hard to prioritize: spend time studying Chinese or studying for my crazy classes that I'm struggling in? At this point I feel like it's impossible to do both.

Today I worked all day, which I always enjoy much better than stuffy classrooms. I'm learning a lot, especially from the 3 people who sort of shepherd me. They have big hearts and a lot of practical skills. One of them reaffirmed my belief that this town is super cool, but also filled with hippies. He said, "In you hadn't noticed, most people around here think the calendar still says 1968." I've never lived in a place with so many hippies! Pretty interesting.

Again I got to visit some non-profit agencies. I went to a tiny homeless shelter that crams 30 people in there. The rooms looked pretty close to the crowded Chinese dormitories. I also had the longest chat with a guy at a mental health clinic who counsels homeless people who have mental illness. Talking to him I started to fear that I had a mental illness. When I left after a while, he shook my hand, half-bowed, looked me right in the eyes, and said, "It was such a pleasure." He says he counsels about 300 homeless a year. Apparently Bloomington, since it offers so many social services, is sort of a mecca for the area homeless. It's always a humbling experience to visit these places.

In other news, I have decided that many American boys are very nice looking. Is that okay to admit? I've never had a boyfriend, so I wouldn't exactly say I'm boy-crazy, but I do like boys. In China I couldn't date, and probably wouldn't date the lovely Chinese boys. For one, I was much too tall for them, my hair was shorter than theirs, and my clothes were less frilly than theirs.

So here in America I get along with all types of boys just swell. I can be friends with them, which I'm good at. If they like me, I'll hide, but that doesn't mean I don't have little crushes, all of them which would never work out, but are still fun. Here are some examples:

1.) One of the city bus drivers. He wears aviator sunglasses and shouts "Eigenmann Hall!" in such a dignified, manly voice.

2.) A guy I'll call "Steve." I met him at math camp when I first noticed his good head of hair, handsome face, and retro glasses. He was the 1950s guy for me. And as a rugged, recent Peace Corps volunteer, the girls are smitten. He told my friend that I have "amazing hair." So now I get all flustered and talk to him in a tiny Muppet voice.

3.) Another guy I'll call "Tim." He's a very nice guy who is ridiculously funny, a sharp dresser, and easy to get along with. We're classmates and work at the same place. We talk to each other a lot. But our conversations seem to get interrupted by his boyfriend appearing out of nowhere...

4.) There's the fruit guy at Kroger's. One time I asked him where the lemons were, and he just gazed right into my eyes. :) Now, he tries to talk to me whenever I'm buying fruit. Sigh... it must be my hair!

So there you have it--why I like American guys but will somehow never manage to actually date one. Enjoy your awesome weekend!

Outsider Looking In (7)

My brain does not work apparently. I've been trying to get it started up for school and learning again. It's frustrating to not understand half of your classes, even after going in for office hours. It's like people speak on a totally different plane. I realize our program is in competition with Harvard, but I didn't think that would mean I actually would be attending Harvard. I like to be low-key and have few ambitions in life. :)

My brain's never hurt so much in my life. Grad level Economics and Statistics are consuming my life. I actually somewhat understand Public Management and Finance classes, but those other two are a different story. Monday night at 9 p.m., I was sitting in lab staring at my computer screen trying to learn statistics software programming. It was like reading a book in Russian or repairing a space shuttle--something totally foreign. I found myself thinking, "How on earth did I ever get signed up for this?"

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Wandering around the grocery store, walking into city hall, or catching the bus to class, I feel like I'm in a daze. Even while I'm talking to people, I feel very far removed, like I'm not really there. Is that some sort of mental illness?

Anyways, after a nearly impossible Econ. quiz today, I was sitting in another class with my genius classmates. They were actually complaining bitterly about the quiz, so I didn't feel so terrible about it. One girl said brightly, "Well, when I get sad about it, I just remember there are children starving in China!" Which got me thinking about my next topic...

7.) Poverty

With my new swanky job, I've gotten to see some not-so-swanky, albeit interesting parts of the community. Part of my assignment lately has been to visit about a million non-profit agencies in Bloomington to see what they're up to. This city may only have 60,000 people, but it seems to have a non-profit for every 10 people.

But I don't even know how clients or people in need find these places. I've already missed 3 appointments because I got lost. They hide their organizations in the seemingly most remote, hidden places. I've had to call, stop at car repair shops, and ask people on the street where these places are. It's like being a detective, but not so glamorous.

So I've visited food pantries, food kitchens, shelters, halfway houses, daycares, etc. If you are poor in Bloomington, you are well taken care of. There's no excuse to be hungry or homeless, although I'm certainly not being judgmental. I realize America's an expensive place.

But that got me thinking about how poverty seems relative, and how America actually seems more socialist than communist China. In China the people in poverty lived in terrible conditions. There was no safety net for them--no welfare, no shelter, no food, etc. Hundreds of millions of people in China live on less than 2 dollars a day. They literally live in hovels or on the street. Many of them have rags for clothing, and some die right there on the street. Being poor in China means you don't have food or a roof over your head. And they are all skin and bones.

Now in America, poverty seems more relative. Yes, there are some extremely poor people in America, but at least most of them have options--welfare, Medicaid, food stamps, food pantries, shelters... Being poor in America, or at least the Midwest, seems to mean that you don't have a car or a house. But actually a lot of them do have cars. Most of the people getting food at the kitchens and pantries drove up in cars. One lady actually drove up in an Jaguar.

And the poor people look different in America. Most of them don't look underfed, and a lot of them do have a roof over their head. They were wearing clothes just like me. The thing to me that seems poor about them is their spirit. Most of them look ashamed and dejected, but not like they're on the verge of starving. It's hard to put my finger on it.

All this said, I'm thankful for the chances I'm having to go and visit these places, especially as I'm working for a department that does a lot with the underprivileged in Bloomington. I'm not trying to be heartless, it's just strange that the poor in America would probably be quite middle class in other countries. And middle class folks here are quite upper class in other parts of the world.

And I was informed that I could go to the food pantry, because I'm technically under the poverty line as a grad student. Hmmm... Maybe I should consider that. I saw some amazing organic food at a pantry I visited tonight. People can even get organic food for free! Sign me up.

Outsider Looking In (6)

It is a drizzly late Friday afternoon. I just returned from working all day and was going to go to the gym, but instead I decided to work on my Public Finance and Budgeting assignment. We are calculating lots of various figures from the federal government's annual budgets. Then we have to analyze it. Did you know that NASA always gets the short end of the stick? Every year, their budget gets less and less and less... Poor astronauts.

I have no idea where my whole week went. I have barely been in my apartment except for sleeping. There's just so many things to do! Most of them are fun, but a lot of them aren't. Such as my budgeting homework. But at least it's somewhat interesting, and I'm feeling a bit smarter. :)

Yesterday was a particularly awesome day. I worked, went to classes, worked on a small group project with an Indian and South Korean, encouraged a fellow classmate who is a Kenyan believer, talked with a Chinese classmate who is interested in studying the Word, had a great conversation on the bus with my Thai neighbor, and went to a Bible study with grad students and professors. I was gone from 7:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. Whew! But the Father's presence was noticeable, and I was thankful for all the opportunities to talk about Him and love others.

So quite a bit of time is spent in class, although I'm in class a lot less than when I was teaching in the classroom at Blue Sky. That brings me to the uniqueness of the American classroom.

6.) American classes

I'm almost as perplexed at classes in America as many of my fellow international classmates (who happen to be extremely intelligent, and were often sent from the top departments of their respective governments).

First of all, the rooms are quite different from those in China. There are a lot fewer students crammed into each room in America, and the rooms themselves tend to be a lot nicer than in China. No dead rats or whitewashed concrete walls here. And the professors here use PowerPoint projectors and fancy equipment. You can't smell the bathroom in the class, and you can't hear people chanting from other classes.

The class atmosphere and interaction are probably more noticeable here, though. Students in America are expected to participate, question, and share opinions--all rather vigorously and energetically. My Asian classmates were really taken aback by the very informal and casual atmosphere.

Overall, I'm just amazed at how many opinions students have, and how much they like to share them. Americans are confident to the nth degree. Yes, dear fellow classmates, I realize you worked at the White House and had a GRE score of eight million, but sometimes I think you could pipe down a bit... :)

Another strange things is the limitless opportunities to join organizations and interact with people outside the classroom. Most of my students in China would just hang out in their dorms after class or pay badminton. There weren't many chances to be active, because there weren't any organizations. But here, there's a club for every interest. It's a little overwhelming, because I want to do everything! And I also have to study... a lot.

Have a wonderfully blessed weekend!

Outsider Looking In (5)

It is mid-Tuesday morning, the one day where I get a period of longer than 2 hours to be free from classes or work. Yesterday I had the opportunity to labor on Labor Day. All of the students at IU had to go to classes, but all of the university offices were closed. It was strange.

But I didn't mind going to class; I actually look forward to it--even at 8 a.m. and on national holidays. I'm not taking being a student for granted. I just want to learn, learn, and learn! And I'm paying big bucks to be here...

One thing about living in a tiny town with a huge university, is that the traffic and crowds can be almost as crazy as China--not quite, but close. So although I'm living in America, I've still had the chance to stand in many lines, which brings me to my blog topic for today. :)

5.) Lines and Rules

America seems to love rules and order. The swimming pool at our apartment complex has something like 28 rules. The computer labs have about 15 rules. Everything and every place has a rule. And there are countless rules not even written down.

For example, even when there is no traffic, people do not cross the street until that "Walk" sign is illuminated. Yesterday I was walking with a herd of people and friends to class. I looked both ways before I crossed the street at a crosswalk, and made it to the other side. Then I realized I was alone. I looked back across the street, where everyone was still standing, dutifully waiting for that "Walk" sign to light up.

I don't understand all these rules. I also don't understand how lines are very necessary, especially when waiting for the bus. Lately I've been passed up by several too-crowded buses. I want to shove my way on to the bus, Chinese-style, but can't, because everyone is standing in an orderly line. Somehow the Chinese students always manage to get on the bus, but I don't. People think, "they're Chinese," and give them some grace. I look like an white American who ought to know the "rules," so I get no slack. When I try to inch my way up there, I get glares. They don't know that I'm really half-Chinese. :)

Another rule is that you don't invade an American's personal space, which is usually a bubble of about 25 square feet. If you happen to make it on to one of those crowded buses heading to campus, people will freak out if you accidentally bump their arm or hit their huge backpack sticking 8 feet from their back. I like to freak people out.

I'm quite comfortable now with sitting close to people. However, I have to remember that most Americans are not. A couple of times I sat right next to a stranger in a couple of different churches I visited. They automatically shift another seat away from me, while looking nervously at me. Oh, no!! I'm sitting by you! I might even talk to you, heaven forbid!

Hope you had a line-less Labor Day weekend!

Outsider Looking In (4)

Time just flies and flies and flies! How can it already be early September? This time last year I was battling H1N1 and starting to teach. Now I'm battling tons of heavy textbooks and learning how to be a student again.

So far my classes are super challenging, but really interesting. But why all the math? I'm doing calculus in Economics class; learning computer programming language in my Statistical Analysis class; and overcome with numbers and concepts in my Public Finance and Budgeting class. Only Public Management has so far proved to be math-free. But probably not for long at the rate I'm going.

I'm tempted to feel overwhelmed and inept with my classes, but I'm still feeling confident and fairly relaxed. Maybe that will change, but I just have a lot to be thankful for right now. For example, I work in a place that has real toilets. No squatty potties in sight. I count the little blessings.

A lot of people have also been thinking of me so I could connect with a good fellowship and other believers. Thank you! I've met up with an InterVarsity grad chapter on campus; and so far I just want to cry with thankfulness. They are intelligent, hard-working, easy-going, and really on fire for Him. Some of them have brains that are quite large (like one who is a 5th year PhD student in Economics), but they are still easy to connect with, especially since authentic Christians are few and far between.

I've still been seeing a lot of the city. This morning the weather was pretty chilly, but I biked downtown to the awesome Farmer's market I've managed to go to every weekend since I've been here. I just can't get enough of zucchinis and Mennonite people. My friends and I also went to an art festival downtown and ate Thai food on the sidewalk. Later, in between reading for classes, I went to another friend's cute little house and played Scrabble. It was great.

And now, on to my usual observations about an aspect of American culture.

4.) Volunteerism

I don't have much to say on this topic, but it's still such a noticeable part of American culture, that I have to mention it. In China, volunteering is virtually non-existent. The government takes care of most every facet of life, and that's the way the government and most Chinese people seem to like it. People take care of their immediate circle, but that's it. The poor, disabled, unfortunate, and the environment are out of their circle of influence. That's up to the government or nature; why bother to interfere? They're not heartless; on the contrary. However, that's just the way things are.

In America, everyone seems to be a volunteer. There seems to be a big passion for "causes" and fundraisers, many of which I'll be involved with through my master's program and work. You can volunteer to take care of puppies, children, gardens, wetlands, elderly people, etc. And there's a non-profit organization in America for nearly every cause in the universe. In fact, the government and a lot of non-profits seem intertwined. So that's sort of cool.

I'm off to plant a tree. Actually I think it's time for bed soon. Have a wonderful weekend!

Outsider Looking In (3)

It was a little past 8 a.m. this morning as I hurried into my Management Economics course (sounds fun, right?) Since I live a good hike away from school, I usually have to take the city bus. It's amazing how city buses here can be just as crowded as Chinese buses! After waiting at the bus stop, I was only able to get on a bus after waiting for half an hour. And I made it to class just as the professor began teaching. I was a little mortified.

Although my free time of late has greatly diminished, I have had time to go to the gym here. In addition to this gym, I also sometimes worked out at the Y in Topeka this summer. "Going to the gym" is another foreign concept to me after being in China. So here are some intriguing observations on today's topic.

3.) Gyms

In China, at least in the region where I lived, gyms were not an option. If they were, they were strictly for guys. It's much better for Chinese girls to be non-muscular, and as tiny as possible, and maybe even a little frail. Now this didn't apply to every female, of course. The farming women and old grandmothers I saw were anything but frail. But, in general, "working out" was looked down upon for girls.

Knowing this, I chose not to appear extremely athletic as everyone in America knows I am. :) If I wanted to lift weights, I kept one in my room which I could use. If I wanted exercise outdoors, that was limited to acceptable sports like lethargically jogging, or smacking a birdie with a badminton racket. Chinese girls didn't even have somewhat sporty clothes. If they did jog a bit around the track, it was usually in jeans, incredibly tall high heels, and a very lacy, elegant shirt.

Now back in America, I have embraced this blessing to be able to exercise full-out. Although China's working-out culture seemed strange to me, America's seems just as bizarre. It still shocks me that men and women work out together! Americans have no modesty.

Anyway, so I went to the huge gym here on campus the other day. I was noticeably older and less model-looking than most of the girls there. Just like China, the girls were also glamorous even while exercising. Rows and rows of girls were working out on the elliptical. I had on an old NASA t-shirt and shorts that were longer than 3 inches. But everyone else seemed to have fashionable tank-tops, cute pink sneakers, and very long, blond ponytails. I was especially impressed with their concrete-like makeup that never seemed to budge. Was I the only one sweating?

As the girls furiously pedaled away on the elliptical machines, and the guys lifted their ginormous weights, they all had one thing in common--they looked at themselves in the huge mirrors encompassing the room. The abundance of mirrors in America also throws me for a loop, but perhaps that's a discussion best left for another day.

Not surprisingly, I didn't see any Chinese students there. :)