Decision time!

Maybe I'll just come out and let my faithful blog readers know. I'm trying to decide what to do when I graduate. Of course that's what most people do when they're 2 months from graduating. I figured by this point I'd have a job or know what I wanted to do. Sometimes it seems like there are too many opportunities, and then the next second there are none at all.

As I try to figure out the next steps, they just seem incredibly unclear. I've been praying, getting wise counsel from trusted friends, and reading the Word. I've also been talking with a couple missions organizations about possibly going overseas again. Although I have a million different interests, here are the common denominators in my life:

-My faith
-Draw to Asia
-Heart for the unloved and marginalized

Currently there aren't any opportunities or open doors that seem obvious or fill me with peace. I just don't really understand... With other big life decisions, like going to Old Dominion for college and heading off to China, I felt like these were the most natural next steps in the world. There's nothing like that right now, even with Christian organizations I'm looking into at the moment. Something is making me hesitant, and I don't know why. I'm trying to trust the Father, but I feel either impatient or frustrated. What's wrong with returning to East Asia? Nothing probably, but then why am I not super enthusiastic and rearing to go? Maybe God is telling me, "Be still and wait."

I guess I just want to make the best decision out of myriad good choices, and want to honor God. This past week I've rested from trying to make any decisions, and I've been much more content. I've been able to love people well here and now.

There were some highlights from this past week. I started taking Chinese lessons at the Asian Culture Center on campus, which is a nice old house with lots of character. My new tutor reviewed some of the basics, and I was surprised at how much I remembered. Hopefully I'll be able to continue lessons each week.

I also am still attending ballet classes once a week at Windfall Dancers. If I could pick anything to do, without fear of needing to make a living, I'd definitely choose ballet. It's a huge blessing to dance to gorgeous music, release all my worries, fly through the air, and feel talented at something.

Today I also drove down to Bedford to be on the big Super Oldies radio station, which sounds pretty random. As the PR person for Homeward Bound, I get to interact a lot with the media--newspaper, radio, TV, etc. It was pretty enjoyable. The station building was a little box, like a step out of time right from the 1950s. The guy--Andy--interviewed me for about 10 minutes, which sort of is a long time.

I sat in a faded orange chair from a time when the Oldies were new songs, with a giant pink microphone in my face. Right before we went on air, with "Twist and Shout" playing in the background, Andy told me not to be nervous, because only a total of 150,000 people could possibly listen. I smiled, but was somewhat smugly thinking, "That's nothing! How about being on Chinese television, twice, in front of a good few hundred million people?"

Truth be told, though, I was nervous. I only lost my grasp on the English language a couple of times. But I was surprised at how comfortable I felt once we started talking. I felt like I could keep talking and bantering back and forth forever. At the end, after we went off air, Andy looked at me sort of strangely. He said, "That was your first time? You're a natural! I wish I could have you on the air another 100 times." So I felt relieved and a wee bit more confident as I walked out the quaint little building and drove out of the quaint little southern Indiana town into the wintry February morning.

Next interview: WISH-TV in Indianapolis. With that one, I can't look like I just rolled out of bed, and real people I really know could really be tuning in.

That's all I know for now! I managed to pick up a cold somewhere, so I just feel like hibernating tonight. Hope you are well! Let me know how you are doing!

Dear restless heart

What a week I would never want to repeat. This week I was broken, confused, fearful, and anxious. I made decisions and thought thoughts that reflected those sins. Each day seemed like such an incredible struggle, that I was nearly paralyzed. It was all I could do to keep putting one foot in front of another. And the even more difficult and uncomfortable part was that my shortcomings were blindly obvious to the whole world, especially to people or organizations I really care about! Yes, world, Laura does not have it all together.

But something amazing happened as I confessed my failings to God, my friends, and my family. Nobody turned their back on me, but were incredibly encouraging and supportive. I realized, maybe for the first time in my life, how I am truly, deeply loved! Instead of feeling lost and alone, I felt like the most blessed person on earth. The Lord forgave me. The Lord made His love known. The Lord gave me hope anew. Friends guided me. Friends encouraged. Friends hugged me. Friends did crazy, loving things for me. Family listened as I cried. Family loved me well. Family challenged me to grow.

And here's a poem from some girlfriends that touched me deeply:

Dear restless heart, be still; don't fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know.

Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God's own smile,
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love, and calmly wait awhile.

Dear restless heart, be brave; don't moan and sorrow so,
He has a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow.

Dear restless heart, recline upon His breast this hour,
His grace is strength and life, His love is bloom and flower;
Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power.

Dear restless heart, be still! Don't struggle to be free;
God's life is in your life, from Him you may not flee;
Just pray, and pray, and pray, till you have faith to see.

-Edith Willis Linn