Having Zero Expectations

Things haven't turned out like I expected them to. And you would have thought I learned that lesson by now. Don't come to China with expectations. Plans are 98% guaranteed to be changed. For example, I expected to settle back into Nanchang life quite easily, and to pick up with my students right where we left off. Barriers and walls were finally starting to come down by the end of last year, so I imagined great things happening with those students this year.

So filled with lots of happy thoughts and expectations, I returned for another year... And then I got really sick. And then I found out I wouldn't be teaching my old students - my roommate would. And then I remembered that it is difficult to live in China, which I had already forgotten during an absence of just a few weeks. And I remembered what it felt like to teach in a classroom that is 108 degrees. And I remembered what it was like to literally fall on my knees, only being able to cry out to Him. In China, I usually feel at my worst and weakest. And somehow, He is glorified in the midst of all this.

I don't have much else to report. I've been reunited with some of my dearest friends, and I've managed to teach a couple of classes. And my health is a lot better than it was, although it still has a ways to go. I'm regaining my strength at the speed of molasses, but I'm thankful.

Thanks for all of your many thoughts!

Clinging to Him

You've probably heard that I've been pretty sick lately - just confined to my room and not trying to draw too much attention to myself in a country that can be a bit heavy-handed when it comes to things like this. But I've finally started to turn the corner on this illness, and I'm coping with the fact that I won't have my students again this coming year.

In the midst of all this "struggle," I've been reminded of His faithfulness through your support. I received tons of emails pointing me back to Him, and encouraging me to keep looking toward Him, while not being mired in my circumstances.

Before I got sick, Jodi and I started to adjust to our new lives as a mini team here at our school. Speaking of Jodi, she is also not feeling so great. Please remember her. And she was assigned my old students, so it is honestly difficult for me not to be bitter or envious.

I had also been wandering around our old "haunts" in the neighborhoods when we first arrived. It is so wonderful to see old Chinese friends. And between Jodi and I, we can communicate rather freely with our friends. My friend, "Kate," said the watermelon lady asked about me all summer, wondering when I'd return. The watermelon lady also said I had treated her like my grandmother. But I have yet to see her. Maybe she's on vacation for the week. One of my favorite guards also said he missed me. The picture people said they were so glad we're back. The Nanchang noodle family hugged us warmly. The little babies gave us high fives. The grandma of the building couldn't stop smiling. The rice and flour people gave Jodi free rice and flour. The foreign teachers never return for a second year, so it is very strange for them to see a couple of us again. And it feels like coming home.

Since I've been confined to my apartment, however, the only thing I know of the outside world is literally a small army training under our windows.

That is a sight to behold. From sun-up to sun-down, a few thousand freshmen march all over the campus in little squadrons for their mandatory military training. They don't even go to class for the next couple of weeks. They all wear army fatigues and green shoes, which make them look like communists from the 1950s. They are whipped into shape and molded into comrades as they drill, march, and chant revolutionary songs at the top of their lungs just about every waking moment. Our apartments reverberate with these sounds.

I guess ever since that infamous "incident" of the late 1980s, all university students are required to participate in military training. One of the big reasons is so that they will not take for granted their status as students, which is a privilege in a country where the majority of people are peasants, workers, and soldiers. As students, they are to learn and contribute to the country - not cause trouble through demonstrations, like the one in Beijing a long time ago.

Supposedly I'm to start teaching on Thursday, but that's not really possible. My fever's finally died down, but I still feel like I just got run over by a truck. I don't remember ever feeling so tired. So somehow I have to find someone willing and able to cover my classes...

Thanks again for your thoughts! I'm leaving you with some pictures from the neighborhood and the military training students.

When sorrows like sea billows roll...

This is Andrea, Laura's sister, filing in for the moment. The blog is blocked in China so I will be her little assistant until things open up - if they open up. Right now Laura is very sick - feeling terribly and quite alone. As her sister, it is very difficult to be on the other side of the globe when I want to be right by her side.

We understand the power of lifting all things up to the Father and have faith that He will carry her through these next few days and weeks. Most often, it is in the very rough times in our lives when He is most glorified. No matter what goes on around us, He is still the same and worthy of all praise!

Thank you for your thoughts - we know our Father hears!