Am I really going?

Today as I pushed a little cart through the little California grocery store, Ralph's, it struck me that I'm going to China. I'm going to China. I'm really going to China. Who goes to China? Well, I guess I am. All of a sudden the total strangers in the aisles became dear to me and I was ready to get a little weepy over the Hershey chocolate bars lining the checkout. Everybody was going about their daily business and I wanted to ask them, "Do you know I'm going to China? Yeah, I can't believe it either."

Anyway, it took two tries to walk to Ralph's. Late in the afternoon a few people and I made it to the main street, Calle Tampico, but could walk no further. The air was a brownish-yellow and the wind threw tons of dirt and sand in our faces. We could barely stand up. The usually crisp brown mountains surrounding us were hardly visible. I guess we were in a sandstorm. No wonder nobody else was really on the street!

In addition today is the 7th anniversary of 9/11. I always pause to reflect on this anniversary for my country and for my life. Our country has changed in many ways and so have I. Seven years ago I was a 15 year-old sophomore in high school! Could I have imagined the journeys I would travel over the next 7 years? Could I have imagined training for the unknown of China?

A work in progress

Next Tuesday my team and I will be crossing the Pacific Ocean bound for China and the unknown. That means we only have one more week of training-one more week of preparing to be effective teachers and representatives of the Father. So we have had to write lesson plans, learn to manage a classroom, and spend hours upon hours improving how we will cross cultures. Once and a while I stop and look around at all the enthusiastic people around me who are walking side by side with me on this journey and I think how already so many incredible things have happened. I'm also pretty in awe of the dozens of people I'm training with who have sacrificed really comfy jobs, a decent salary, and homes to make his name known. It's humbling...

I have also officially felt what it is like to not be insured and to feel like an American who doesn't have much money. Yesterday I went to the doctor's office here in La Quinta because I have a sinus infection. I had to pay $142 up front and won't ever be reimbursed for that. The antiobiotic they prescribed to me was only $4. However they also prescribed a nose spray that was apparently very special and $96. I had to pass on the very special nose spray that cost as much as an arm, leg, and little child, because I would have had to also pay for that whole amount from my pocket. I have new insurance with the organization I'm going with, but as I found out yesterday it really doesn't cover much. I think it really only covers things if I die.

Now I have to go hang out with my team for "devo" time. Oh, and my team is really starting to grow on me...

A better day

Things have already gotten rough and I've only been training in America! Yesterday after three sleepless nights, I about broke down. I felt physically and emotionally ill. We have had so much information to process and then I couldn't absorb it after a while. I was starting to question last night why I'm here and just started crying before another session started. Two of my team members were right there and they put their hands over me and lifted me up to him right there. I was sort of embarrassed at crying, but then I felt peace in the midst of my exhaustion and uncertainty.

I don't know why I was struck by insomnia for such a period of time, but I'm sure he has his reasons. First, some of my walls that I build around myself are already starting to come down and I got to see my teammates' love on display, even though we are all so different and seemingly incompatible. He has put us together for his purposes that sometimes seem really crazy.

Well, I am so grateful for the many thoughts from my teammates, family, and friends. I was blessed with a great night's sleep last night. Now I feel much more like myself and I don't feel so hopeless and ill. THANKS FOR LIFTING ME UP, PEOPLE! I'm very appreciative... I'm already reminded that I'm not alone on this difficult but pretty awesome journey.

Our training has been filled with lots of sessions that are long, but very helpful for when we finally do arrive in China. The organization I'm with is truly being used by the father to change thousands and even millions of lives! It is sort of overwhelming to feel that you are now apart of this work that is shaping lives to such an extent. And some of the information they relay can't be carried out of the room, because the organization serves in such restricted nations. It's already pretty surreal and sometimes I'm not quite sure what I'm getting myself into.

Thanks to you all who are reading this and thinking of me. I'm thinking of you, too, because otherwise I wouldn't be here!

(Here's another picture of the area. I'm fascinated with this desert).

Training in the desert

Today is day number four of training in La Quinta, CA. We're smack in the middle of the desert with constant 110 degree temperatures. It's a pretty view outside, with huge brown mountains surrounding us. We'll be here for another 11 days or so.

The training is okay. I've met my team and then we're learning a lot of stuff that I can't really write about right now. I'm trying to have a good attitude, but for some reason I haven't been able to sleep. The past three nights I've only gotten about 3 hours of sleep each night. So I'm exhausted. Could you please lift me up to him? I'm really struggling because of my exhaustion...

Zai jian!

Somehow the whole summer has rolled by and it is time for my departure! Tomorrow I fly to California to begin the journey of the next year. I'll be staying in Irvine with two friends from college, Ashley and Jason, who are married. On Labor Day, I will arrive at the training site a couple hours east of LA. It should be an intense time, but I'm pretty ready to start this new phase.

On Sept. 16th, we fly to Beijing and then gradually make our way to the final destination in southwest China. So, folks, this is it! Your thoughts are much appreciated, and I'll be thinking of you! Have fun in the U.S. or wherever you may be! (This picture is of my room I painted to take my mind off of leaving!)

The never-ending storm

Today is my third full day in Daytona Beach, FL. My Mom and I are taking my sister, Andrea, back to college at Embry-Riddle, where she'll be a sophomore! I haven't seen an ounce of sunshine since we got here. We arrived in Orlando by plane on the outer edge of Tropical Storm Fay. It was a pretty bumpy ride at the end, but we managed to get in. Then we drove northeast to Daytona, right into Fay, where we're staying at an oceanfront hotel called the Bahama House. The streets were pretty much deserted and some stores were all closed and boarded up.

We had to stay inside for the remainder of Wednesday, as the wind pounded our window overlooking the churning surf. Wind and rain has been pouring nonstop ever since, and today is Friday. I guess Fay is a pretty historic storm. For three days it sat stationary over Daytona Beach and central Florida, dumping up to 30 inches of rain in many places! Fay has worn out its welcome. It just won't move and every day looks the same.

Yesterday we went out on the beach during high tide. I felt like I was on the Weather Channel with my little green raincoat in the tropical storm winds and rain. We also tried to get out and about in town, but a lot of stores are closed, like Bed, Bath and Beyond, which had sandbags in front of its doors. We stopped at Embry-Riddle for Andrea and the university closed because of the storminess after we had been there for 5 minutes.

I love Andrea's school. It really makes me want to be back in college. The whole campus looks a lot different than when I visited last February. The place was water-logged and not very glamorous this time around. In February it was sunny and balmy, with lots of palm trees and green grass and super smart-looking students walking around. Tomorrow we are supposed to move Andrea into her dorm, and it's supposed to be gushing rain again, of course. FAY, FAY, GO AWAY!!

My hobby of late

The past week since my discovery of where I'll be teaching in China has been filled with all things China. That countdown to departure keeps getting perilously closer--2 weeks. Panic mode hasn't set in yet, but I think I find myself in the "very urgent" mode.

Since I've been a bit of a slacker late this summer, I have buckled down recently and resumed my Mandarin studies in a more earnest manner. The long underwear search has commenced, as well as the search for sturdy and durable, but nice clothing for teaching. Does that type of clothing exist? I've never been much of a fashion plate, but I'm not too keen on L.L. Bean clothes galore. The shoe search, on the other hand (or foot) is almost complete also. I have rifled through my closet and found some horrible brown shoes/boots more suitable for a man but very comfy and weather-resistant. Of all the things to think about, I get the most anxious about shoes. Apparently finding shoes past size 7.5 in China is impossible, so I'm trying to bring a few decent size 10.5/11 shoes (probably giant-size shoes to the Chinese) to last me through the seasons and various events.

In addition, I've had quiet times with the Father all year long, but all of a sudden those somehow seem more pressing, too. In my heart I know why I'm going, but it seems that I've wanted Him to reaffirm it. Once and a while those doubts creep into my mind and this whole excursion doesn't make much sense, like, "Who do you think you are? You can't speak Mandarin, you've never taught a class of 50 college kids, you still don't like rice... " But then a quiet voice replies, "You're mine. Your identity and strength is in me. You may be ordinary, but I've called you, and nothing else matters." So then it all sort of makes sense again, without really making sense (if that makes sense!).

So maybe I don't sound super excited right now, but I am. I love all the nations and the Chinese, especially. I know the Father is still growing and changing me, and it's okay to still have some doubts and fears. It's what I do next with those doubts and fears. Do I let them consume and incapacitate me? Or do I hand them to the Father and learn to trust in Him more? I think the latter answer wins. I can still get scared or worried, but I don't want that to stop me from being a part of the big picture of eternity!

I leave you with a random picture of my future city...