Trying to survive

Is that a terrible name for a blog post? Perhaps, but that's what I feel like lately. For 2 weeks I've been sick now. Just a long, lingering kind of sickness that saps all your energy and enthusiasm for life. All I do is cough and wheeze and blow my nose and feel tired and shiver from a little fever. Today I have finished my antibiotics I got at the hospital, and I still feel about the same. Fun.

Yesterday was a pretty great day, although I was exhausted by the end. I could only sleep about 5 hours on Saturday night, but I still wanted to go to fellowship on Sunday morning. Fellowship was good like usual. Then about 30 of us (pretty much all the foreigners in Nanchang) went to a Korean restaurant for lunch to celebrate a bunch of birthdays.

I sat by Sylvie, a girl my age from Germany! We talked probably for the entire hour and a half, mostly about Germany. It just made me miss Germany and learning German so much, I almost wanted to cry. She is also spending a year teaching in China. Unlike me, this is her first and last year. She'll be returning to Germany this summer. And she said I could visit her whenever I want to! I really want to visit Germany again, especially Bavaria, where she lives.

Afterward, the rest of my team traveled to the other side of the city to visit the other team with our organization. We have never visited their university, which is a technical college. It was much smaller, but a lot more beautiful than our campus, since it was on the edge of the city. The taxi got us there by going up in the hills, which is covered with the largest cemetery you could ever imagine. It was one of the most amazing and creepy sites ever. Apparently this cemetery is one of the largest in China. Gravestones are literally stacked next to each other for miles. It looks like each person has about one square foot of land, and that's it.

Anyway, we got to their school safely, and I became rather envious of their school. It isn't congested like our old campus, and there are tons of trees and even little paths to walk and hike. The air was also so much cleaner and clearer all the way out there. AGH! I want to live there!! You could actually walk around and see some nature, and there weren't 20,000 students staring and yelling at you.

Then today I had two classes, meaning I was at school all day, until 5 p.m. It was time to give midterms, which I had painstakingly created. I think they were pretty good tests, I'll admit. But all my students, even the best and brightest, had the most difficult time with cheating! Cheating was so rampant today that I had to lift up my thoughts nearly constantly. I was just really frustrated.

My frustration increased at lunchtime, when I was grading the first batch of midterms. When I was finished, I noticed that one girl didn't turn in her exam, even though she had been in class. But I couldn't do anything about it, because I had to run to another class and give the exam.

After that class, one of the monitors managed to track this wayward test girl down. I told her to come to my office right away. She finally meandered in with the class monitor, and I just felt really angry. I asked her why she didn't turn in her test. She insisted that she was sick and couldn't come to class. Then I told her that she had indeed been there, and had an exam paper to account for. Okay, she admitted. She was there, but felt too sick to take the exam. I asked her, why on earth didn't you tell me or at least give the exam back? She said that she took the exam home with her and would bring it back tomorrow to take it. I looked at her in astonishment. One of my tests were now out there running around for all the other 150 students to see, and she wanted to bring it back the next day to take. Is it just me or is that a problem? She could not see why this was an issue, no matter how many ways I tried to explain.

So now I'm not sure what to do about the tests tomorrow. Who knows how many students saw it. But it takes a lot of energy and resources to create and print these exams. I do know that I have created a new exam for her on a piece of paper, which is much more difficult, if not nearly impossible to complete.

Oh, I don't know. Sometimes these cultural barriers really get to me. It's like we are communicating on an entirely different level with entirely different values.

Can you please lift me up? I feel very tired and sick and fatalistic, especially with dreary weather for as long as I can remember. You can probably tell that I have an awful attitude that is simmering just below the surface. I reallllllllllly need your thoughts. Thanks!

Resting

The past few days have been like a lost week. I'm living in a fuzzy world, where I can't quite see or hear or speak very well. I've mostly been trying to survive.

I have been able to go to class for the past 2 days. I have been using a microphone, but I can't project my voice. One of my classes (my crazy kids) were empathetic for about 3 minutes, but then they almost went wild. I didn't have the energy to bring order back to the classroom. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, but it was getting a little out of hand.

My other classes have been more understanding, even though I stand up front talking in my gravely voice like someone who is very lethargic and half-asleep. Then I have to pause to cough every 12 seconds.

Today during my class I received this special note from one of my students. I receive lots of advice on getting better, but this was pretty classic:

"Dear Laura, I'm very worried about you. You had better keep healthy. Here is some advice, I hope could make you better.
1.) Drink more water, that's always a good idea. It's good for your throat.
2.) Have a good rest, sleep early.
3.) Wear more clothes. I heard the weather will turn cold in two days.
I hope you will better soon and we will see a enthusiastic Laura again. :) Best wishes."

That about sums up the concern my students give me. They offer the same advice: wear more clothes (they tell me this as I'm sweating in 2 layers of long-sleeve shirts); drink more hot water (they tell me this as I'm busting full of water); rest more (they tell me this after I've just slept for 9 hours). Oh, and some tell me to get more exercise. How can I exercise when I'm resting? And then some suggest that I go to the hospital again. No thanks! I've already been there once and that's enough to scare me away forever.

They're pretty precious students. They are so little and innocent and often immature, but they like to act like little mothers.

So I haven't been going to my office hours much this week. I'm just trying to make it to my classes. Being sick in China is always a lot more draining and difficult than in America.

Despite being sick most of the time, I've made my decision for next year, which you probably already know! A couple days ago I committed to return with this organization in August. I don't know where they'll place me, but I'm looking forward to it. Thanks as always for your thoughts and encouragement!

Sick Tuesday

It is early afternoon and I've been banished to my room. I have been battling a cold/sinus infection/cough for over a week now, and it just gets worse everyday. This morning I woke up with all that stuff again, plus the most painful earache ever. It is still ringing constantly, and every little noise or word echoes back into my head, with a sound like tin or little circus clowns in my head. I just want to rip my head off. And my voice sounds like an old woman under water, according to Joelle.

Anyway, I tried to get ready for school, but I wasn't going to survive. Thankfully, a couple of my wonderful teammates were able to substitute for me today. But the FAO people insisted on taking me to the hospital. If you aren't sick when you go to a Chinese hospital, rest assured that you'll be by the time you leave. I'm glad Joelle also went with us, but I wasn't very enthusiastic about the trek.

Apparently we went to the nicest hospital in Nanchang, which makes me wonder about those other hospitals. First, we were stuck in a gigantic, never-ending traffic jam. There were four lanes of cars trying to fit in one lane for hospital parking. Mr. Li was amazing at getting the little van to the entrance. A sign said the parking lot was full, but that didn't matter; people still streamed in regardless. Mr. Li found a nice little parking spot in a pile of mud.

Meanwhile, there were literally hundreds and thousands of people everywhere. People layered in blankets were being led over speed bumps and across sidewalks on gurneys. There were just people everywhere--most of them coughing, smoking, or looking half-dead. One baby had open sores covering its face. People also wheeled by with little IV drips attached to their arms.

Inside the building was open, with just different desks and little rooms. There were another million people inside, all of them forming mini-mobs around the desks, since there aren't lines in China. Little nurses in faded uniforms were in the midst of all the commotion. Little children ran by, and elderly people, who all seemed very tiny and poor, just hobbled around. Streams of people hiked up and down the stairs in the middle of the building. It reminded me more of the train station waiting room than a hospital.

I just tried not to think. I have been in the university clinic a few times, but this was like the clinic on a massive scale. Disorder and sickness everywhere. Actually it all would probably be rather amusing if I hadn't been sick and if so many other people didn't look so sick and confused, too.

We went to a waiting area, where people sat in metal chairs. There was a bathroom with a big sign to wash your hands, but it was meaningless because there wasn't any soap in the bathrooms. Soap is a rarity anywhere in China.

Since we were laowai, the nurses had us bypass the waiting room and led us (Joelle, Amy, and Mr. Li) to a little room. This little room was one of many. Inside the bare room behind a small desk sat a doctor in a long greyish white lab coat and black plastic glasses. He wore a face mask, so everything he said was muffled; not that I could understand anyway. He told me to stick a glass thermometer under my arm for 5 minutes, while Amy translated for us. Meanwhile, other random patients and passerby meandered into the room to see what was going on and to hear the diagnosis. There aren't any privacy laws in China, I suppose.

I'm pretty sure I just have a sinus infection, but he sent us to the fifth floor for a blood test, which we didn't even stay around to see the results from. This was more fun. It was much more crowded up here. There were glass windows, with flustered and/or angry nurses behind. The windows had a hole where you stuck your hand in to get blood drawn. After Mr. Li carved a path for me, I thrust my arm in to window. The guy just poked my finger and kept squeezing to get some blood out of it. At the same time, people were still jostling everybody else to get a spot, so they were bumping into me from every side.

After that, we went back down to the same doctor who was currently looking at some elderly men who appeared to be farmers. One had a broken arm and the other maybe had a lung infection. We were also gathered near them, and other people kept pouring in to hover around the doctor, all of them pointing at their x-rays or random body parts. Mr. Li once again was assertive, so the doctor gave me a prescription for an antibiotic.

Wow, all of a sudden I just felt very exhausted and drained. I didn't really mind so much the craziness. It was a bit trying, but it could have been a lot worse. It just saddened me, I think, to watch all these people who were really sick or tired. Everyone had to fend/fight for themselves to get anywhere in this place. And I was wondering if anybody actually ever got healed. It was like taking a step back 100 years ago. Walking into that hospital, you would have thought it was 1909 if you hadn't glimpsed a computer every once and a while.

Sorry for that super long post. I just had to share. Hopefully I wasn't too negative. I just am very tired, and once you think you've experienced all the cultural stresses/shocks possible, there's always more. Hopefully I'll get better and not ever have to return. Thanks for your thoughts! Now I know why there's that advice, "Never go to a hospital in China unless you are absolutely dying." :) Enjoy your day!

Extraordinary Saturday

Wow, I haven't stopped to breathe all day! What an awesome, busy, blessed day it has been!

This morning I managed to call some people and work on lesson plans. I also went on a 2 mile walk around the track. Then I ate lunch with Rachael and her students. I washed the massive piles of dishes, because it's therapeutic for me, I suppose. Afterward, I went to go print my lesson plans off. But, alas, my flash drive was corrupted and I lost all of my data! Not so cool at all.

But I didn't have time to worry about it, because my special student I study with came over. Most of what we talked about I can't tell you in this blog. You'll just have to wait until I return to America. ;) It's an extremely long and wonderful story, with lots of ups and downs. The bottom line is that the spirit was working, and she became a sister this evening! Wow wow wow. The family continues to grow. Now I'll have to work to connect her with other local brothers and sisters.

Remind me to tell you about it when I see you again in person. :)

Rachael and I walked her to the bus stop at about 9 p.m. after a really late dinner. I came up very happily to my room, just contemplating everything. Oh, yeah, after I washed another gigantic pile of dishes. But I didn't care.

I was sitting at my desk, when all of a sudden, I heard the windows violently shaking, and student screaming their heads off outside. I ran to the living room window to look out. The calm, cloudy blanket of 80 degree weather was instantly shattered by the most outrageous wind and rain and lightning. The trees were bent in half, and I thought they'd all snap. My next thought was, "He is returning!" When I realized that wasn't true, I thought, "the building's going to collapse!" But that didn't happen either.

So Rachael and I were magnetically pulled to the windows, watching the eerily fascinating scene unfold outside. The rain came down in sheets, the wind whipped the piles of trash and debris high above the trees, and everything on the buildings shook. Students who had just been playing basketball or chatting along the sidewalk, scattered in a million different directions. They were all shrieking their heads off. People were leaning out of the windows in the apartment building facing ours, also shrieking. I think they just wanted to join in the chaos.

Anyway, it was a rather momentous end to a momentous day. Thanks for your thoughts and encouragement!!!!!!!

Park Walk

(With my students after lunchtime at the park).
(Taking a picture at the park. I look like I'm at the starting block of a race, and they look like tap dancers).
(Wow, beauty does exist in this city!)
(Karen found one, single orange that hadn't been plucked by students. Good job, Karen!)


All of a sudden it went from bitter winter to blazing summer in about 2 days. Hopefully the weather will settle down to something in between. It was about 80 degrees and extremely humid today. But since it is still technically winter, you still have to wear seasonally appropriate clothing. I managed to get away with wearing a 3/4 sleeve shirt. But I was still sweating. My students continued to wear sweaters or long sleeve shirts. Thankfully they aren't wearing their winter jackets any longer.

It has been a rather strange day. I had office hours this morning, and didn't do anything productive. I just wanted to talk or read. Then I went to class. My voice has still not recovered, so I was going to use the microphone again. But the microphone wasn't working, so I sounded like a dying baby animal trying to talk during the whole class. Fortunately it was my best class, so they were mostly understanding and behaved well.

Like I mentioned yesterday, I had groups of students form "political parties" with a platform. They had to give presidential speeches. There was one given by my student Vincent. It was so cute and great. Here's his speech. Imagine a very tiny boy and a tiny voice getting all fired up:

"Good morning! Ladies and gentlemen, I'm glad to see you! Today I'll run for the Blue Sky student president. I represent the South Party. Our main aim is to make a better food in canteen [cafeteria].

As we all know, food is the most important thing in our life. Better food can make you stronger and more beautiful. Now your diet is in bad condition. Our South Party can help you!

I promise if I become president, first I will destroy all the old canteen and built some new canteen. Then I'll lower the price of food so that you can eat meat every meal.

Believe me! You can have a better diet! Thank you!"

I think I'd choose his party. Imagine being able to eat meat every day here! My dear little students were also very enthusiastic about this candidate.

In other news, I went to lunch with two of my students. This time they chose strips of pork fat and rice for my meal. It was pretty hearty and I'm glad I'm not such a picky eater anymore.

Afterward, we wandered around in the mugginess in a little park on campus that I hadn't been to before. It was pretty beautiful and peaceful, especially for Nanchang. There was actually some grass, a little lake, and a lot of flowering trees. It seemed too good to be true. It was really strange. I've never heard the city so quiet, and it was the first time in a long time that I've been around anything resembling nature.

The place was pretty deserted. We walked across a bridge on the lake. On the other side of this pretty lake, there was a man with a wheelbarrow. He was probably from one of the cafeterias, because his wheelbarrow was filled with half-eaten food and trash that you always see outside the cafeterias. I watched in horror as he tipped that wheelbarrow right into the lake! It seemed too awful to be true. Then he walked away. My students quietly grumbled about it, and I was thinking, "that must be a crime!" But of course it wasn't. Worse things than that happen all the time. It just made me sad because they try to create beauty around them, but then they destroy it pretty quickly.

Later I was reading a fresh copy of the China Daily and stumbled upon an interesting notice that was published in that paper. In Chinese and English, there was a notice written to a certain woman in Shanghai, whom they named. Apparently there is a huge building project underway in Shanghai, and this one woman is standing in the way of its completion. She refuses to move or be compensated for relocation. Now the city, or something like that, says they are going on with the demolition. It is a final appeal for her to accept the settlement. They must have printed that notice in a lot of newspapers. It was so fascinating, because I've heard about this happening in cities like Beijing, but it was just strange to read a notice where they basically said she was crazy for not accepting the offer in the name of "progress." And then they essentially said it doesn't matter what she wants anyway, because they're going to tear down her residence whether she likes it or not. In my head, I'm secretly cheering for this woman, who is being denounced across the newspapers.

In other news, we went to English corner outside and sweated through it for nearly an hour. About 10 or 12 of my students appeared for the occasion. We had a great time chatting. Never have they seemed so funny or human or real. Today they revealed more dimensions of their personalities, which are hidden under layers of idealism and conformity.

Boy, this day has worn me out! But I wouldn't want it any other way. :)

Best of Days and Worst of Days

(Our team, plus Jodi's family members, playing knockout recently on a beautiful day).


Howdy from Nanchang!

After three of the most beautiful days Nanchang has seen in about a million years supposedly, we are currently in a couple of the nastiest days. All of a sudden it is pretty warm for this time of year--about 75 degrees. The sun is no longer shining, because it is blocked by a consistent haze of pollution.

Yesterday I felt like I wanted to pass out, because I could not escape from the smell in the air. It was like the entire city reeked of burning trash. Even in class, that's all you could breath. Today it's slightly better, but not much. It still smells quite stale outside, and the haze is just hanging like a gray shroud over everything.

I wouldn't complain that much, but I'm battling a cold or something right now. I have a pretty bad cough, which isn't helped by the very poor air quality, and by inhaling chalk dust from class.

Anyway, despite that, my spirits are still pretty upbeat. Relationships are great, the culture is great, and classes are mostly great.

This morning I had two classes. It is strange, but the first class was the worst one I've had, probably. It is with my business English class, which is my most gigantic and craziest class. It is always my goal to keep the class just below the level of controlled chaos.

Today I wore a microphone while I was teaching, since my voice is shot. Students can hear me much better, but then I feel like I'm performing on a stage or something. We were learning about American government. I tried to explain everything as simply as possible, but people looked really confused, or they just fell asleep from boredom. Nobody ever falls asleep in that class, because they are always busting with energy. So I knew I wasn't connecting with them today very well.

Right after the ten minute break, I started coughing and then choking on chalk dust. Students were no longer sleeping, because their formerly boring teacher was now uncontrollably coughing up a lung. I tried drinking water, but I could barely stop coughing long enough. I was coughing so much that my eyes were leaking, and my nose was running. My little crazy students now looked very concerned. When I finally stopped coughing, I tried to start talking again. But talking just made me cough more.

Somehow we managed to get through the rest of the class, in between episodes of continual coughing. I was happy to run out of there when it was over, as were my students, except for one who paused long enough to tell me to take better care of myself. :)

After that mini disaster, I then taught another class, which probably turned out to be the best class yet. I only coughed a tiny bit, and I was able to engage the students better. I revised my strategy in how I communicated the basics of American government with them. They were very interested. We also talked about different political parties, practiced voting, and they gave election speeches. It was all a little foreign to them, but they loved it.

Groups formed their own political parties and gave speeches in front of the class on how to make campus better. For example: install heat in the dormitories, give the students better food in the canteen, and make class sizes smaller. They were all so articulate and passionate. I was so proud of them. And it was extremely interesting to talk about political values in a Chinese classroom.

So my lessons were redeemed today, thankfully. I will continue to make mistakes, but it's just a part of the process of becoming a better teacher, and getting students to think critically about the world around them.

I love China

Rain for two or three days. Sunshine for one day. Repeat. That's the weather here in Nanchang lately! But today is a sunny day, and it's very welcome.

Yesterday I had one two-hour class and office hours. Afterward I ate lunch with one of my students I hang out with a lot. We ate in one of the cafeterias like usual, and had good conversations, especially about how I attend fellowship and why.

At one point I looked over my shoulder, because some people were shouting at each other really loudly. My student asked, "Does all the noise scare you?" I just replied, "No, sometimes I just can't tell if people are arguing or just talking." She nodded her head in agreement and told me her theory on why people are so loud in China. She said it is because there are so many people, they have to nearly scream to be heard over everybody else. Thus, everybody sounds like they are screaming--everyone is just trying to be heard.

After lunch I hopped on the city bus to ride back to old campus, which wasn't very crowded. I immediately noticed another foreigner. Because it is rare to see a foreigner, it is like they are wearing flashing lights. I recognized her as an older Australian woman from our international fellowship. So for about 20 minutes I got to sit and talk to her about a lot of things. She is in her early 60s perhaps, and she is one of the most confident, peaceful women I've ever met. It was just really encouraging getting to talk to her.

It was like a foreigner special the past two days. When I was standing at the Wal-mart meat counter waiting for them to make ground beef this morning, this white guy in his 30s from Canada came up. I was really shocked to see him, and the fact that I didn't know him and had never seen him. We chatted for a few minutes, and I figured out quickly why I had never seen him at fellowship.

There seems to be two types of foreigners in more remote cities like this. They are either believers who want to influence these people, or they are lost, disillusioned adventurers who just want to go someplace "exotic" to live for a bit. And he was a big flirt who seemed to despise this country. He went on and on about how backwards and low China was. I felt really defensive by these insults. I love China. Sure, it's still developing, so what do you expect? Then don't come here. I said good-bye, not leaving him a chance to say anything else. I just felt sorry for him, because he was clearly depressed, and probably didn't have any friends.

Then I grabbed the ground beef. I felt bad for the butchers, because we had a communication misunderstanding. I said I wanted one jin of ground, which is 500 grams. They ended up grinding up about 10 jin of beef. Chinese people won't buy it, I know, but I couldn't afford 200 kuai-worth of meat.

When I was leaving Wal-mart, there was a singing contest of some sort going on. There was a small crowd, with TV cameras. When I first arrived at Wal-mart, there was a young woman singing a pop song. When I left, there was an elderly man in a ragged, but starched old red blazer standing on a little makeshift platform. The crowd had enthusiasically gathered around him, and looking straight ahead with all seriousness, the man sang an old-fashioned song with his whole heart. I hoped he wins. I almost started crying, he was so sweet.

That's why I love China. These people are unique and innocent and traditional. I hope they never change and become Westernized.

Then this afternoon, after I had my study with my student, my team and I headed over to the new campus to go skating at the gigantic room used for skating. Jodi's whole huge, wonderful family also arrived today, so they came with us.

About eight of my students met me at the skating rink. And about seven of them can't skate at all. So for most of the next hour and a half, I just skated around with them, while they desperately clutched onto my hands or arms. I think my arms and hands got crushed and squeezed and ripped off one too many times today. But it was still such a great afternoon! I get so much energy just being around my dear little students, and a whole roomful of a million other young, enthusiastic Chinese people skating and falling and chatting and laughing.

Then we all walked the long way back to the new campus front gate. My students insisted on walking with us the whole way, because it is their way of walking me "home." When we got to the front gate, a guy and about five of his crazy friends jumped out of nowhere and nearly scared me to death. One of the guys practically screamed in my face, "YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! CAN I TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU?!" You can tell nicer weather is here, because everyone in China gets a million times more energetic and forward.

Well, that's all to report for this busy and blessed day. I'm leaving you with a video I took at the skating rink. Wish you were here!