Having Zero Expectations

Things haven't turned out like I expected them to. And you would have thought I learned that lesson by now. Don't come to China with expectations. Plans are 98% guaranteed to be changed. For example, I expected to settle back into Nanchang life quite easily, and to pick up with my students right where we left off. Barriers and walls were finally starting to come down by the end of last year, so I imagined great things happening with those students this year.

So filled with lots of happy thoughts and expectations, I returned for another year... And then I got really sick. And then I found out I wouldn't be teaching my old students - my roommate would. And then I remembered that it is difficult to live in China, which I had already forgotten during an absence of just a few weeks. And I remembered what it felt like to teach in a classroom that is 108 degrees. And I remembered what it was like to literally fall on my knees, only being able to cry out to Him. In China, I usually feel at my worst and weakest. And somehow, He is glorified in the midst of all this.

I don't have much else to report. I've been reunited with some of my dearest friends, and I've managed to teach a couple of classes. And my health is a lot better than it was, although it still has a ways to go. I'm regaining my strength at the speed of molasses, but I'm thankful.

Thanks for all of your many thoughts!

Clinging to Him

You've probably heard that I've been pretty sick lately - just confined to my room and not trying to draw too much attention to myself in a country that can be a bit heavy-handed when it comes to things like this. But I've finally started to turn the corner on this illness, and I'm coping with the fact that I won't have my students again this coming year.

In the midst of all this "struggle," I've been reminded of His faithfulness through your support. I received tons of emails pointing me back to Him, and encouraging me to keep looking toward Him, while not being mired in my circumstances.

Before I got sick, Jodi and I started to adjust to our new lives as a mini team here at our school. Speaking of Jodi, she is also not feeling so great. Please remember her. And she was assigned my old students, so it is honestly difficult for me not to be bitter or envious.

I had also been wandering around our old "haunts" in the neighborhoods when we first arrived. It is so wonderful to see old Chinese friends. And between Jodi and I, we can communicate rather freely with our friends. My friend, "Kate," said the watermelon lady asked about me all summer, wondering when I'd return. The watermelon lady also said I had treated her like my grandmother. But I have yet to see her. Maybe she's on vacation for the week. One of my favorite guards also said he missed me. The picture people said they were so glad we're back. The Nanchang noodle family hugged us warmly. The little babies gave us high fives. The grandma of the building couldn't stop smiling. The rice and flour people gave Jodi free rice and flour. The foreign teachers never return for a second year, so it is very strange for them to see a couple of us again. And it feels like coming home.

Since I've been confined to my apartment, however, the only thing I know of the outside world is literally a small army training under our windows.

That is a sight to behold. From sun-up to sun-down, a few thousand freshmen march all over the campus in little squadrons for their mandatory military training. They don't even go to class for the next couple of weeks. They all wear army fatigues and green shoes, which make them look like communists from the 1950s. They are whipped into shape and molded into comrades as they drill, march, and chant revolutionary songs at the top of their lungs just about every waking moment. Our apartments reverberate with these sounds.

I guess ever since that infamous "incident" of the late 1980s, all university students are required to participate in military training. One of the big reasons is so that they will not take for granted their status as students, which is a privilege in a country where the majority of people are peasants, workers, and soldiers. As students, they are to learn and contribute to the country - not cause trouble through demonstrations, like the one in Beijing a long time ago.

Supposedly I'm to start teaching on Thursday, but that's not really possible. My fever's finally died down, but I still feel like I just got run over by a truck. I don't remember ever feeling so tired. So somehow I have to find someone willing and able to cover my classes...

Thanks again for your thoughts! I'm leaving you with some pictures from the neighborhood and the military training students.

When sorrows like sea billows roll...

This is Andrea, Laura's sister, filing in for the moment. The blog is blocked in China so I will be her little assistant until things open up - if they open up. Right now Laura is very sick - feeling terribly and quite alone. As her sister, it is very difficult to be on the other side of the globe when I want to be right by her side.

We understand the power of lifting all things up to the Father and have faith that He will carry her through these next few days and weeks. Most often, it is in the very rough times in our lives when He is most glorified. No matter what goes on around us, He is still the same and worthy of all praise!

Thank you for your thoughts - we know our Father hears!

Back in the People's Republic

I'm officially "home!"

What a crazy past week it has been. I can't believe I've actually made it back to China. When I was in America, this place seemed like a dream. Had I really spent 10 months here? Surely such a wild place like that didn't and couldn't ever exist. But, alas, it does.

I'll give you a little tour of the long past week. Last Sunday my mom and I drove to Kansas City. I flew to LA on Monday and stayed with my teammate, Jodi, who has also returned to Blue Sky with me. On Tuesday we flew from LA to Vancouver to Beijing with a few other returnees. We had a short session of re-training, during which I didn't get any sleep. On Friday Jodi and I met the girls who are forming the new team at Blue Sky. They are fresh out of college. Jodi and I are the wise senior citizens of the bunch.

Friday afternoon we struggled to the Beijing train station. Of all the train stations in China I've been to, the Beijing one is the most exhausting. And since Jodi and I got to Beijing later than everyone else, we had to carry all of our suitcases. Everyone else's had been shipped ahead. So I was swept up in the massive crowds (thousands of people everywhere). There were only 10 million stairs to climb. I was shaking so much, plus I had a sore throat. People kept stepping on my feet, so my recently healed toe from ingrown toenail surgery was busted open again. I wasn't sure I'd make it. But He sustained me like usual.

Once we somehow got on the overnight train for 13 hours, there wasn't too much else that was eventful. I was just glad to be on the train. As I tried to fall asleep to the rythym of the grimy train swaying down the tracks and the cigarette smoke wafting about, I just pondered how on earth I made it back to China. The calm, hygiene, order, and pleasantness of America was just a distant memory by then. Honestly, only the Father's love and love for the Father could cause someone to return to this place again. You don't go to Nanchang for money, health, or comfort. (People in our organization joke that Nanchang is the armpit of China). You only go because of Him and His people who haven't heard of Him. And somehow it brings a whole lot of joy.

Anyway, once we arrived in Nanchang, Jodi and I made it back to our apartment and spent most of the day cleaning and unpacking. We also went out for lunch to our favorite noodle shop in the 109 heat index. It was wonderful seeing all our Chinese friends. People can change a lot in 2 months.

Thanks as always for your thoughts and support! It was like a marathon getting here, but He gave me unlimited stamina and peace.

China round 2

Well, faithful blog readers and friends, it's that time again! I begin my trek for many miles and many days across the globe to reach my "home" in China for year #2. I leave Kansas City very early on Monday morning, and I should reach Nanchang sometime on Friday or Saturday. It will be a long haul, but it's worth it!

Please keep us in your thoughts as we travel (by cars, planes, trains). Please remember us for safe travels, but also so we wouldn't get quarantined once we reach Beijing.

It's been a wonderful past six or seven weeks--with the right mix of rest, exercise, and being with people. A part of me really wants to stay here, especially to be with my family. Not seeing them for 10 months or more is pretty challenging! But I know that there is still a great purpose for returning to China. Hopefully I can always be mindful of that.

I would still love to stay in touch with you. I've heard that Facebook is blocked now, so the best way to communicate would probably still be through email, Skype, or old-fashioned letters.

Well, I'm off on another adventure. Love you all!!

Creating boundaries

I have had the immense pleasure of getting to read several wonderful books this summer. I've only read one novel, which is strange for me. The rest of the books I read have been more "educational." Here's a couple of the most memorable ones:

The best, most helpful book I've ever read is "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I don't even know what to say about it--I actually ended up taking several pages of notes on it, because it was so good and needed. It's basically how to set boundaries (not build walls or let people walk all over you) with people for much healthier relationships. Since I can't explain it very well, just take my word for it, and read it! It's only a couple of dollars on Amazon.

Another powerful, but heart wrenching book is "The Price of Honor," by Jan Goodwin. Goodwin compiled four years' worth of observations from living and traveling in 10 different Middle Eastern countries. She interviewed countless women (and men) about the resurgence of fundamentalist Islam in those countries, which is affecting women in really terrible, negative ways. I appreciated this book, because Goodwin was brutally honest in what she learned and observed. It was also really informative, as she explained each country's history and culture. The Middle East was never my focus when I was in college studying just about every other region in the world.

I don't know why I'm reading so many books about Muslims. (I think my sister has influenced me). I also read a book called, "Miniskirts, Mothers, and Muslims," about a Western believer who has lived in the Middle East for many decades and is married to an Arab. She talks about relating to the Middle Eastern culture in an honoring way. It seems a lot less depressing than the other book, "Price of Honor". But sometimes I did feel that she was sort of sugar-coating how women are viewed and treated in the Muslim cultures.

Overall, it's been a very educational summer. Now only 12 days until China!

Rusty

(Visiting Grandpa)
(Some of our family in Rochester)
(Andrea and my birthday cake)

I'm a little rusty at the blog business lately. After having written for my blog nearly every other day for the past 10 months or so, it is strange not having written for almost a month.

Anyway, life in America has been incredibly blessed these past four or five weeks. I've been spending lots of time with my family and friends, just resting, breathing fresh air, and exercising. I was able to visit Rochester, NY to see a lot of family, and then I also went down to Virginia to visit old friends and my college fellowship there.

I know my life is more fulfilling in China, but that doesn't mean I'm not enjoying life here for the moment. On the contrary. It's like I can't get enough of the world on this side of the globe. Kansas seems indescribably beautiful; the people seem indescribably friendly; my family and friends seem indescribably dear and priceless; the sky seems indescribably blue; the country seems indescribably free. (Do you realize how many different fellowships people in America can choose from?) I just want to talk to everybody, look at everything, go everywhere, and eat everything.

Over the past few weeks I've also been able to talk to literally hundreds of people about China and the Father's plans for the nations to know Him. I've shared at several fellowships in Kansas, New York, and Virginia, as well as talking with countless individuals. And I'm just in awe at how other people are also so excited about what He's doing in China and all over the world.

Anyway, He has been good to me, especially as I look at the world through my new lenses of being the ripe old age of 23. I turned 23 just a couple of weeks ago, and I can hardly believe it. Shouldn't I feel wiser and more intelligent? Shouldn't I have a hefty paycheck? Shouldn't I have a serious boyfriend? Shouldn't I have a couple gray hairs sprouting?

Well, maybe not. He has different plans for all of us. And I'm just thankful that I can return to China in a couple of weeks, although it's not exactly the easiest or most glamorous road. But it's all for Him!