America 101

There are some aspects of American culture that I'm still adjusting to that I've noticed in the past few days. The first one is church. I attend a church that is extremely missional and internationally focused. The congregation is made up of tons of internationals, the sermons and worship are amazing, and it seems like God is really glorified. I'm just still amazed and thankful that 500 people can openly meet in a building like that...

Another aspect is the fact that it's okay I don't have a boyfriend in America. In China, my students were very concerned about this, especially when I reached the advanced age of 23. Yesterday, my Chinese classmate and I were discussing my lack of a boyfriend, which transported me back to China in my thoughts.

I saw her talking to a tall Chinese guy, so I asked her in Chinese if that was her boyfriend. Of course she got all flustered and turned the question on whether or not I had a boyfriend. I said, no, I didn't, and she couldn't believe it. Then she switched to English as we walked into our classroom, and our classmates could clearly understand us. She said, "What about 'George'?" with a knowing look. "You sit by him a lot."

Yes, I do sit by George a lot, who could probably hear our conversation by now. But how could I explain that George is gay and thus couldn't be my boyfriend? This would be awkward, and she would be confused--in a traditional society like China you don't really run into that situation much. So I just tried to manuever the conversation in another, less potentially embarrassing direction. I just told her that I liked to sit by many different people...

Then I experienced yet another side of America that doesn't exist in China. I went to a political debate last night with some of my friends, including the aforementioned George. It was sponsored by IU's School of Public and Environmental Affairs, where I'm a student. It was held downtown in a cozy old theater from the 1920s. The theater, the people, and the debate seemed all very old-fashioned.

I sat in the balcony to listen to the three candidates for Congress. At first it was rather boring, but then the candidates and the audience were interesting to watch and interact.

The Democrat: He is the incumbent, and has been around for millions of years. He's pretty old school, and got riled up a lot for no reason. He seemed rather conservative for being a democrat, and had all the right, expected sayings.

The Republican: He is a Naval Academy graduate, a lawyer, and a little too smooth. He also said all the right things, but never really said anything at all. He also got very worked up. And his suit and tie matched the democratic guy exactly.

The Independent: He isn't married, and you could tell, because he wore a splotchy looking gray suit with a purplish tie. He was pretty much the comedic relief. I probably agreed with him more on the issues than the other two candidates, but he wasn't as well-spoken. He also kind of went off the deep end towards the end of the debate, when he dramatically called for the Democratic congressman's resignation, who was standing right next to him. The audience just laughed.

The Moderator: He had actually coached the University of Kansas last year, which won the national debate championships. Now he's teaching at IU. He was pretty cool, and didn't get too ruffled when the audience and candidates did unpredictable things.

The Rest of the People: The theater had a lot of media, which was the only thing that reminded me we weren't in the 1940s, because of their laptops. The audience was an interesting mix of people from the university, farmers from the surrounding areas, and people from the small military base nearby. They all embarrassed me, because at some points they would applaud loudly, or boo, or stomp their feet on the floor, even though the audience was told to be well-behaved. I didn't understand, especially because the candidates weren't really that different from each other. Two police officers dressed in uniforms like Mayberry, watched the audience to make sure they didn't go too crazy.

All in all, it was a fascinating exercise on American society and politics. Now I have to finish studying for yet another midterm, which isn't a rarity in American or Chinese life...


The Buskirk-Chumley theater downtown. What a name!


The outside of the theater.


The debate.

White people, USA

I have nothing against white people. I happen to be white. Sometimes I'm a little disappointed; I feel much more Asian than Caucasian. I went to high school and college surrounded by many different colors. I went to China and was surrounded by Chinese people. At grad school I'm also surrounded by tons of international students.

So today was a bit of a culture shock when several of my friends and I drove east to Nashville, Indiana. It was a beautiful fall day for a beautiful fall drive. We were headed for a quaint town nestled in the hills of east central Indiana.

I imagined a quiet main street with tiny restaurants and maybe a few people in flannel shirts and jeans or something. I guess that was partially true, except that main street was filled with thundering pick-up trucks, motorcycles, and tons of rather large white people. It was fascinating. It was like white people's Disneyland. I couldn't quite figure out why there were millions of people in this middle-of-nowhere town that was only filled with candy and Christmas knickknack shops. It was almost as crowded as China. These are some things I noted:

-People ate cotton candy.
-People ate fudge.
-People ate hotdogs.
-People ate cotton candy, fudge, and hotdogs all at once.
-People shopped with at least 10 ten children per family.
-People owned Harley-Davidson everything; the bike, the attire, etc.
-People wore plenty of camouflage.
-People bought confederate flags. Wasn't Indiana a part of the Union?
-People ate, ate, ate.

The highlight was when we ate at "Calzone Jones," an earthy little restaurant with an owner named Frank, who wore suspenders, and had a gray mustache the size of Texas. His family worked with him. They all shouted like they were deaf. Here is one conversation we heard word-for-word between the twenty-something girl on the phone with her grandma--probably Frank's wife. Everyone stopped to listen. You couldn't help but listen.

"IS MOMMY THERE? MEEMAW, IS MOMMY THERE? YES, MEEMAW, I LOVE YOU TOO!!"

A few minutes later another daughter actually shouted to all the restaurant patrons, "CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?!"

The whole restaurant came to an awkward silence. Was the building burning down? Nope. She went on to explain in her booming voice:

"ALL THE OVENS ARE FULL! ALL THE OVENS ARE FULL WITH STUFF RIGHT NOW! PLEASE BE PATIENT!"

I couldn't help but laugh. That place had character. Frank, who must have been about 80 years old, also advertised his "debut CD" on sale for only $13.00. They played it in the restaurant. Frank plays the fiddle, of course. If I ever return, which I probably won't, perhaps I'll think about purchasing a copy.

So it was a bizarre town, but it was so fun to hang out with friends, take a break from studying for mid-terms, and just wander around aimlessly.

I hope you're having a beautifully blessed weekend!


In Nashville with my Chinese-American friend, Yee. We were both a little scared by all the white people and white people stuff.


Chinese pose.


A picture-perfect church.


Vanessa outside of Frank's place.


Our group from IU Graduate-Faculty Ministry.

My other self

A new life experience is sometimes a great opportunity to change things about yourself that you'd like to. For example, I want to do things that make me uncomfortable--not in a sinful way, but in a stretching way. So I'm starting small. And my experience in small group can be an example.

To be very honest, I really don't like dogs that are larger than a stuffed animal. First, dogs always love to leap on me, lick me all over, claw my legs, etc. The small group I go to has a dog at the host's house. I decided that I was going to fake liking the dog until I actually did start to like it. So far I haven't been that successful.

When I walk in the door, the dog bounds over to me, puts its paws on my legs, and starts going crazy. I plaster on a smile, and pet it excitedly, just like I grew up with thousands of dogs when I was a child.

Then during the Bible study, the dog usually paces around the room of 10 people, then settles on putting his head on my lap, of course. Sometimes I can ignore it. Other times I pet it and scratch its head.

Then last week, I had to stretch myself even further. The dog was licking my arm, and then the super cute hockey player guy of the group announces a camping trip. Oh, no, I thought. Not a camping trip. But everyone else, even the other girls get super excited, like it is the most thrilling event in history. Then a Johnny Raincloud in the group (who actually wasn't me) mentions, "But there's a fire ban, because of the dry weather." I perk up at this news. No camping with a fire ban. Maybe there will be a fire ban until winter, and no more chances for camping!

But, alas, everyone is determined to camp, fire ban and all. I immediately think of my limited camping experiences and all the excuses not to go. I used to camp in a tent at Cape Cod with my relatives every summer when I was young, but that was different. We were at a campground, there was access to a bathroom, and there weren't any cute guys.

Now this is a whole new ball game. I'm 24, and camping sounds about as appealing to me as an overnight train ride in China, which actually might be more rugged than camping. Both involve sleeping poorly on hard surfaces, going to the bathroom in a hole, and feeling extremely unglamorous.

Anyways, I also put on my "other self" in different situations. This weekend I went to a ballet with my friends, which I greatly enjoyed. It made me miss dancing a lot. It was rare that I felt much more joyful and challenged than when I was dancing. I loved performing, too. Probably because I could be someone else--someone graceful, elegant, and talented.

Teaching was also a lot that way too. I wasn't Laura; I was a teacher who could engage, encourage, and excite classrooms full of students. They couldn't tell that I was afraid of dogs, disliked camping, or sometimes felt inadequate.

I had a similar feeling last week when I presented a 45 minute group presentation in our Public Management class. As part of our presentation, I played the role of a moderator for a press conference. Without trying, I had the whole class in stitches. I got a little scared since this was a grad course. But then I saw the professor thoroughly enjoying it, too, so I relaxed. They went crazy during our presentation, and we got our point across quite well. Afterward, a lot of my classmates came up to me and said things like, "You deserve an Oscar!" or "You were so convincing as someone else."

Yes, I'm quite good at being someone else. Is that okay? I don't feel that happy about it.

Whatever the answer, I know I am the most content with my identity as a dearly loved daughter of the King. I can be myself, and He still loves me. I can be Laura.

My photographer self took a couple of these fall shots:


The gorgeous view outside my apartment.


A very orange tree on campus.

Life of Late

My humor and positive attitude seem to be slowly draining away from life over this past week. I wouldn't say I'm stressed, really, but overwhelmed, yes. I have two mid-terms next week that have an incredible amount of preparation and studying. We also continue to have papers and readings and homework due. The homework is what's driving me crazy. Each assignment takes about 10 hours, on average, to complete. So I'd say I spend at least 40 hours each week doing homework, studying, and reading. That doesn't include sleeping, working, eating, meetings, searching for internships, and taking a break.

Faint thoughts are starting to creep into my head, like "Is this really worth it?" I'm not so sure at the moment. Probably because I'm not even halfway through with this semester, and can't see how it could possibly get busier and more difficult, although I know it will. I know my classmates also feel the same pressure, but they just seem to understand things better and faster than I do. I just feel slow.

There have been a few bright spots lately, though. I'm attending a new small group every Tuesday from my church. I don't care how busy I am; I always make sure I can go to church and small group. I love the fellowship and the people, but sometimes my brain also hurts after that. Everyone in this town is so intellectual--even Bible studies can make my head swim.

The trees are also turning amazingly gorgeous colors, and it's been warmer of late. One morning last week I had to scrape frost off my car at 7:30 a.m. That was a wee bit cold for early October. Now it's warmer again.

And tonight I'm going over to my friends' house to make Greek pizza and then we'll all go over to campus to see the ballet. I think I might really cry when I see ballet on stage again!

My dearest Chinese friend and I still communicate through email. Here's some of the encouraging words and unsolicited boyfriend advice she shared with me this week:

"my dearest baby laura 谢佳曦！

i've seen your pictures. i'm really glad that you are a little fat with your face, haha don't mind the word of fat, it's okay for you! canse you are so thin. i know the life for you is a little difficult now, but both of us sure that Father is always here.

my baby laura, even i'm really busy now. but i feel it's empty when the weekend is come. i miss the day that i went old campus every weekend on Saturday almost TWO YEARS. i really miss the time i spend with you!

Kelsey told me and also you must knew it that she will get marry in 2012. wow... how blessed she is! it's must so happy the husband is a brother! i'm so happy for her! and envious of her! haha. and i said to Father too i know he's prepare for you a good man. it's just not the time now. baby laura. you are a good girl of Father. be confident to yourself as Father to gave you of him. the good boy is waiting for you, not you are waiting for a boy..."

So I will continue to keep going, trusting in Him and waiting on Him for everything!

An American Autumn

I'm taking a break from the futile and frustrating effort to write a memorandum for economics about marginal cost pricing of water in California. And I'm going to contemplate for a few minutes the development of a new season in Indiana: the beauty of fall. It's a season I haven't really experienced for a while.

In Nanchang, there wasn't such a season. It was 95 degrees with 95% humidity until mid-November, when suddenly it turned extremely cold, and you had to start wearing long underwear 24/7. And the small, scrawny trees were perpetually faded a greenish gray all year-round.

So I haven't really experienced "fall" since 2007. But, wait, that's not quite true either, because I was in southern, coastal Virginia for college. It became a bit more fall-ish than Nanchang, but not the hearty-type of fall like the Midwest and New England. So I would say I haven't had a real fall season since 2003, when I was still in Kansas.

Right now it is becoming fall here in southern Indiana, and I'm in love! This morning I worked at the Multicultural Expo in downtown Bryan Park. It's a gorgeous park that looks its best in the fall. You wouldn't think you were downtown. There are rolling hills, rustic fences, and large patches of huge, healthy trees.

The huge old trees are turning so many shades of deep red, bright oranges, and pretty yellow. In the sunlight, the trees seem to glitter like gold. The tall grass everywhere is also turning muted colors of purple, brown, and orange. It almost takes my breath away, thinking about how God could create such a beautiful scene.

And it's so strange to be in such a community. This morning as I was talking to people at the Expo, I felt so warm and comfortable with all the cheerful, friendly people, who represented so many different cultures. I've never lived in a little town like this. It's seems so quintessential American: the small, narrow streets, the state police directing football game traffic, the children swinging and laughing in the park, the charming store-fronts, and the low-key atmosphere. Yet at the same time, it's dominated by a state school, it's filled with people from all over the globe, and is extremely progressive. At night I almost dread going to sleep, because I'm afraid I'm going to miss something exciting.

One of my Chinese classmates wants to go to church with me on Sunday. I'm also working on a group project with 2 international students, one of whom is a guy from India and was trained as an engineer. He's extremely fascinating, especially since his vocabulary and passion for life seem bigger than mine. I've asked him about his faith as a Hindu, and he seems pretty open, but surprised that people would talk to him about it. He said he is of the highest caste in India as a Brahmin. He admits he and his family lead very privileged lives back home. One of his beliefs is that he can't eat meat, or he "will become meat." Most of the international students here come from wealthy or well-to-do families, I've discovered.

So while many aspects of my life are going well, classes still aren't that great. Sigh... Hope you are having a blessed fall, and take time to stop to appreciate God's wondrous paintbrush.

Learning Curve

People have told me that there's a very steep learning curve for grad school. I'd agree. It's like having climbed some baby and medium-sized hills my whole life, and then being told to go climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. I still love being here and learning, but I certainly feel a little shell-shocked. Every class, assignment, and exam goes 10 times faster and 10 times more in depth than any of my undergrad courses.

Although it sounds like I'd be locked away in my room or the library all day, the opposite is true. I'm still working (and loving it!), hanging out with friends, volunteering, trying to love people, etc. Sometimes I wish there weren't so many cool things and people!

This past weekend, I worked on a group project, attended a professional seminar, volunteered in setting up for the big Red Cross book fair, saw my first opera, went to church, ate dinner with friends, and went to a Bible study--all in between studying and working on homework like crazy.

Life's not lacking any luster, although I'm a bit concerned about grades... I now own more than a C- to my name. I can officially throw in a few Bs. Laura Perfectionist Freeze is learning how to let go of the life-long obsession with As. It's rather freeing. Hopefully I'll be able to get my grades up a little higher to keep my financial aid, however. :)

Hope you are experiencing some beautiful fall weather! And happy 88th birthday to my favoritest, dearest Grandpa! I love you, Grandpa!!


I try to look cute in between studying. :)


At the awesome three hour-long IU opera with Jennifer and Jess. Somehow we all wore turquoise.


Our other friend, Malsi, didn't get the turquoise memo. :)

Days of my life

Like always, it's been a whirlwind week. I feel like I've been in a race; when I get to the end of the week I'm exhausted! But usually I'm exhausted in a good, fulfilled kind of way. Whether it's classes, work, studying, hanging out with people, or enjoying the 98 degree fall weather, it all seems worth the effort.

So far in my grad school career, I'm standing at a C-. And I'm pretty proud of that C-, especially when I'm surrounded by geniuses. That was the score of my first Management Economics quiz; I'm honestly surprised I didn't do worse. I've completed various other assignments and papers so far, but the professors don't seem overly eager or motivated to give them back to us. All I have is a 70% to my name.

I feel like my time in China has helped but also hurt me for grad school. It helps because I'm older, hopefully wiser, more grateful to be here, much more social, and have learned from some crazy life experiences. It seems to have also hurt me because I'm older, rustier, less concerned with grades, more nonchalant, and easily distracted by American culture.

Anyway, the weekdays are packed full with classes, work, group projects, and activities during the week. Then the weekend is also packed full with a million interesting things to do, church, beautiful scenery, international Bible studies, and of course, much more studying.

Tonight, for example, I'm going to the opera with my friends. We bought season tickets for only $50 to see 6 operas and 3 ballets. The IU School of Music is world-renowned, so I'm excited for such culture that I've been craving the past several years. I was going to go to the football game, but I think opera wins.

In other news, it's exciting to hear about how the rest of my family has also embraced international students. They have always had a big heart for other nations, but it seems like the Father's really brought some awesome people into their lives lately.

My mom has basically "adopted" two Chinese girls who are students at Washburn University. They come over to Mom's house to cook, hang out, and discuss the Word! They love having an American friend who is motherly and loving and fun!

Then Andrea has had a long relationship with international students, too, at her college. She and I both agree that we just seem to click better with Asians than other people. Last year her Chinese roommate became a believer, because Andrea was also loving her and sharing about truth with her. Now that girl is attending fellowship and growing in her faith. Some of Andrea's best friends are Chinese, Malaysian, and Korean. And as an intern with Campus Outreach, Andrea is just continuing her relationships with them.

Here's a picture of Andrea with her Malaysian friends at a birthday party recently. It warms my heart!