Good poems

My grandma was a poet. Not professionally, but more recreationally. She had a haiku published in a poetry book at probably the age of 80. I just remember that she had managed to find a fancy word that rhymed with "orange."

For some reason I've thought a lot about her lately. Maybe because my roommate next year is from Nashville. Maybe because Valentine's Day came and went, and she was one of the my most beloved friends. Maybe because I wonder if she saw me today, if she'd be proud of me. Maybe because, over 2 years after she passed away, I still wish I had been able to say goodbye to her and hadn't been on the other side of the world. Maybe because I need some encouragement right now, and she was the most encouraging person I've ever known. Maybe because I need her to keep pointing me to the arms of Christ.

As I'm feeling overwhelmed by school and life, I'm reminded how she was always assured of the goodness and faithfulness of the Father. I've delighted in His goodness and faithfulness this past week as I've taken long walks, ice-skated with my friend and a million teenagers, seen the beautiful blue sky, and gazed at the stars. I hope you're also reminded of His goodness and faithfulness, even if your world is crumbling. Even if your world seems perfect. Even if you're lost and all alone. Even if you're surrounded by tons of friends. Even if you're being pelted with rain. Even if you're basking in the warmth of sunshine. Even if you're grief-stricken. Even if you're bursting with joy. Even if you're feeling completely inadequate. Even if you're feeling strong and healthy...

And He delights in us. Isn't that incredible? He delighted in my grandma's poetry. He delights in us as we use our lives to bring glory to Him. Maybe He even delights in me as I struggle through grad school, wondering how I'll make it.

Spring Fever

I'm wrapping up my 6th week of this spring semester (yes, I do count). It's finally reaching the crazy level. I felt like the crazy level was reached a lot earlier last semester, so I'm alright. Next week comes the first round of exams and big projects that are due.

It's been difficult to concentrate lately, especially because of the gorgeous weather of late. I've even been able to walk the 30 minute walk back from campus. If I had done that 2 weeks ago, I would have frozen in ice after 3 minutes. Temperatures will drop again next week, but for this week we all have enjoyed the 60ish degree weather. It sounds like a good portion of the country is experiencing it.

I also still have that feeling that what I'm doing here doesn't really matter. Maybe He is preparing me for something, but I don't know what yet. I read the news about the current Middle Eastern revolutions, think about my dear friends in China, and contemplate all the unreached people groups in the world...

God has provided some amazing friendships and opportunities here, but I still feel like an alien. But I guess I'll never feel completely at home anywhere until I'm in heaven. We aren't citizens of this world, so I'll keep my gaze fixed heavenward, while still loving those He has called me to love here on earth. Even if that piece of earth is in the middle of southern Indiana. Hopefully in the future, that piece of earth will once again be China, or maybe in the midst of those troubled Mid-Eastern countries.

Have a blessed, beautiful weekend!

Ides of February

I realized I'm long overdue for a blog post! It has been an interesting past few days, to say the least...

Classes are going well and I finally feel like I'm getting into the swing of things. Our massive group projects are progressing and I secretly enjoy them. I even bring brownies to different group meetings, and I think it helps break the ice. And it's wonderful that my classmates are so experienced and skilled, so I don't feel like I'm doing all the work like in undergrad.

Work is also pretty good, especially since there are a lot of big upcoming events I'm working on. On Saturday, I got to go to a fancy dinner with people from my department, because the city sponsored a women's sports award banquet or something. The speaker was Dominique Dawes, the 3 time Olympics gymnast from the 90s. I remember watching her on TV, so it was a great experience.

Socially, I feel quite busy, but am loving it. I'm still hanging out a lot with a close-knit group of fellow grad school/ministry friends. On Sunday evening, I invited several of them to my little studio apartment for Balderdash. They all brought a bunch of good treats, and we played Balderdash for hours and hours. I have really clever, encouraging friends and am very thankful for them!

Spiritually, I have felt quite close to God lately, especially when life is confusing. I have been reminded to keep looking up and not forward...

Sorry that this post is all over the place. I haven't had time to write anything and I have to get to class soon, so this is all for now. Hope the weather is getting warmer where you are, and that you're focused on God, the greatest love of all!

At the banquet with my friends, Kathy and Jess, who are also my fellow classmates and coworkers.

Dominique Dawes!

Balderdashing friends, Jess, Cindy, Chad, and John

Family picture and Cindy's winning Balderdash score. (Cindy will be my roommate next year!)

Contentment

As I write this, the familiar sound of a plow rumbling down the street accompanies me. All I seem to think about or dream about or see is snow, ice, snow, and more ice. I woke up this morning to a fresh blanket of snow. Why wasn't I surprised? We had gone a whole 4 days without any snow, so we were overdue. :) My self-centered side was mostly sad because I had wanted to wear a cute skirt to the opera tonight. Now I have to wear my rugged mountain-man clothes instead, like usual. Sigh...rough life.

This afternoon was somewhat productive with reading for my classes, but then I just reached a wall and couldn't read another word about public program evaluation. I tried to go on a walk, but the blowing snow in my face made me turn around in about 7 seconds.

So I ended up spending a good portion of my afternoon in the Word, looking up nearly ever verse cited in the book I'm reading called, "Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free." If you're female, I highly recommend it!

One of the struggles I've had lately is contentment. I think that's been a struggle and a sin for me my whole life. I've always suspected that, and it's come out more lately in readings and conversation. For example, thoughts have crossed my mind frequently to forget this whole MPA business.

Life is comfortable here. Classes are grueling and American culture doesn't make much sense, but I have shelter, friends, food, and health. Most importantly, I have God. But Philippians 4:11-12 really convicted me today: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want."

Have I learned this? To be content in every circumstance and season of life? Whether I'm in the middle of America or the middle of Asia; whether I'm a student or a teacher; whether I'm young or old; whether I'm single or married--I want to be content in Him.

My heart literally aches for China and the close-knit community there. I want to go to the nations to tell others about Him. Meanwhile, I sometimes forget that He has sent the nations here to the IU campus! I am literally surrounded by thousands of students who have never heard of Him, and they will someday return to their countries to be the next leaders.

Ultimately, "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the Gospel of God's grace." (Acts 20:24). I have to be mindful that I have the amazing opportunity to tell others about Him, and for now that opportunity is in Indiana. Hopefully I'll be able to return to China someday, but until then I will remember: "wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)

Alright, folks. Time to get into my mountain-man clothes with contentment in my heart! Happy Saturday!

Storm stories

The "colossal" and "historic" storm turned out to be pretty intense, but it could have been much worse! We got less than an inch of snow, but lots and lots of ice.

Yesterday I managed to skate my way to the street and got on one of the city buses that were still running. It was freezing rain, ice pellets were falling, and it was really windy, which isn't too fun. I about hit the ground several times, but always managed to right myself. Indiana has tons of old trees, and I was a little uncomfortable walking under them as they crackled under the weight of all the ice. A lot of big limbs were down at that point.

So I made it on the bus and got to school, where I discovered that classes had just been canceled! Sometimes I really wish I had an iPhone or something where I could check the Internet when I'm not at my desk in my room. Now the weather had made a turn for the worse. The freezing rain was really coming down, and everyone was slipping all over the place.

I had to wait outside for several buses to pass by before one finally stopped. They were packed with students heading for the hills, or more likely, their dorm rooms. I finally got on a bus and was so proud at how crowded it was. It was a China bus in America--complete with people coughing on you. :) Everyone seemed sort of panicky. It was like catching the last helicopter out of Vietnam or the last lifeboat on the Titanic.

By the time I slid all the way back home, I was exhausted. I cooked a big dinner and was just waiting for the power to go out because of the ice. Whenever we had big ice storms in Kansas, electricity could go out pretty quickly and forever. Thankfully most of the power lines are underground here. Smart thinking, Indianans!

Then today I couldn't go to work at city hall, because the city government was closed due to the weather. For fun, I decided to chisel my car out of the ice, figuring it wasn't going to get warmer any time soon and I would have to de-ice it at some point. It took 50 whole minutes just to get the thick ice off of my windshields. You could hear a chorus of "chink, chink, chink" as Bloomingtonians all over the city were trying to get into their cars.

So classes were canceled at IU until 1 p.m. today. Of course my classes are after 1 p.m. The streets were pretty quiet, since every office and business in town was closed, except our campus. Apparently IU thinks everyone is extremely hearty and likes to risk their lives to get to class. It was a bit treacherous. Thankfully I made it there and back in one piece!

So that's the storm of the century from a southern Indiana perspective. I know a lot of the Midwest, like Kansas, got a foot of snow and blizzard conditions. I'm not sure which I'd prefer--being encased in snow or in ice. Maybe neither. I'll choose a vacation in Florida.

And speaking of balmy Florida, yesterday was Andrea's 22nd birthday! Happy, happy birthday to my favoritest sister!

My Kansas car is on the left and is covered in solid ice. My neighbor's Missouri car is on the right. He had thought to put a tarp on his car before the storm. He was smart. I don't think I give Missourians enough credit.

Making progress on chiseling through the pure ice.

All the ice coming off my car.

150 years old

I think you can have more than one home... Last night I was eating at a little hole-in-the wall Chinese restaurant with my Chinese friends. When I walked in I felt transported back to Nanchang. It wasn't quite the same, especially because there was soap in the bathroom, but it was close. There were only other Chinese people there speaking in Chinese, it was extremely loud and crowded, there wasn't any heat, a little boy did his homework in the corner in front of a Chinese revolutionary drama playing on the TV, and there were roaches on the wall. We just ordered in Chinese whatever we wanted and then shared all the dishes. I felt like I had come home.

Then this morning I woke up and realized that it is Kansas Day! Every good Kansan knows that January 29th is our state's birthday. Although I haven't lived there for several years now, it is undoubtedly also my home, although it is just about as different from China as night and day.

I've always been proud of being a Kansan at the same time I've made fun of it. My home state is celebrating 150 years as a state today! That seems pretty old, but it's actually quite young, especially in the whole history of our country and the world. Here's a reflection on what makes Kansas so special/unique/strange:

-The best, bluest sky in the whole world.
-Crazy storms and tornadoes that come out of nowhere.
-Plentiful sunshine.
-Amazing, wide open spaces.
-Gorgeous prairies.
-Beautiful sunsets.
-Less than 3 million people in the entire state.
-Full of super hard-working, honest people.
-Farmers who feed us.
-An independent, pioneering spirit.
-Time seems to stand still.
-Fields full of sunflowers and wild sunflowers on the side of the road.
-It's the heartland of America.
-Low cost of living.
-Nobody cares about fashion.
-I was born there.
-No matter where I travel, I will forever hear "Wizard of Oz" jokes.

I'm thankful to have had many different homes--from Kansas to Virginia to China, and now Indiana--and today am proudest of being a Kansan. Happy 150th, Kansas!

Winter blues

If anyone were ever a poster-child for SAD (seasonal affective disorder) it would be me. I was born and raised on the wind-swept plains of middle America, but at least there was plentiful sunshine! The past several winters have been difficult, especially in China and Indiana where the sun seems to have fallen from the sky.

I try to stay occupied, exercise at the gym, and see friends as often as possible, but I still feel like I want to go crazy. I don't think I've even laughed in a full week. Okay, maybe more like a day, but that is strange. And I feel like I'm also surrounded by SAD people--at work, in classes, on the street... I singlehandedly feel like I'm offending/upsetting/saddening everyone I talk to or even look at. But then I realize it's probably not because of me, and I should try to encourage them.

It's just been a weird couple of weeks. The past many days have been filled with snow, some more snow, classes I'm not too enthusiastic about, difficult conversations with people, the realization that I'm a grown-up, and just not a whole lot of joy, to be honest.

I'm just thankful that the Father's love isn't dependent on the seasons or circumstances. Otherwise I would certainly be up a creek without a paddle. (I at first wrote, "up a paddle without a creek.") Hmmm... I should have taught my Chinese students that idiom. How would you explain it?