Hello, midterms

First, I just want to say that I'm thankful for a lot of great activities, conversations, and events that have occurred over the past several days. The Father has been very patient and gracious even when I haven't been.

Here are some of the neat things that have been happening, plus some prayer requests. I'm sorry my blog post sounds like a 6 year-old wrote it, because my brain is currently feeling like mashed potatoes!

-I'm still attending Chinese church, and it is always amazing to observe the believers lead worship and studies. It is also extremely amazing to observe non-believers coming closer to knowing the truth. Although I don't understand too much of what is going on, I help with rides and answering some questions about the Bible when they ask me for my perspective.

-I found out I have a job interview for a spectacular company in D.C. The interview is this Friday at 2 p.m. (Eastern time). Please pray that I will represent my skills and character well, and that it will work out how God plans.

-The weekend was filled with hours upon hours of painful, but productive homework. I also took advantage of the perfect weather by going on a long bike ride into the countryside with a friend. Saturday night several of my friends and I also attended a ballet, and then our InterVarsity group of women had a meal and hymn sing together. It was just an incredibly blessed weekend!

-This past Sunday I became an official member of my church after a four week process, which included classes and meeting with elders of the church. I'm really thrilled to have made that commitment to such a strong and active fellowship, although I won't be here too much longer.

-It's been difficult lately to not be anxious. I'm trying to cast all my cares on Him, but it's challenging when the world (and school) tells you that those are cares you should shoulder all the time, even if they are crushing you...

Here's just some pictures for your enjoyment:

My bike couldn't quite reach the speed limit.

Looking quite fallish.

Going to the ballet with Cindy and friends. The taco truck didn't come with us.

Hymn sing with the ladies!

Refining fire

I sound like a broken record I'm sure, but life just flies by! Each week goes by so quickly, but it seems like there are thousands of classes, events, and conversations packed into the span of 7 days. Each week is also filled with its unique challenges, triumphs, and adventures. Each week I am reminded how completely inadequate I am on my own, but how Christ is more than enough for all of those inadequacies! He continues to refine me, which can be painful, but extremely necessary. How is that the older you get, the more conscious you are of your sin?

I was reminded of his refining fire last night at a bonfire with my friends from the Chinese fellowship. We drove out east to Lake Monroe just as the sun was about to set. I was surprised to see everyone decked out in super hip hiking/bonfiring/outdoorsy/adventuring clothes. In typical Chinese fashion, though, we didn't really know where you could actually have a bonfire, because nobody had really checked into it. So we finally found a spot on the shore of the lake. And in un-Chinese fashion, people had come fully prepared with firewood, smore-making material, hotdogs, and plenty of extremely expensive cameras to document the whole experience.

Overall, it was such a wonderful evening with fun friends, and I remembered to revel in the Father's creativity, especially as the dusk faded to darkness. One of my friends there who isn't a believer, even exclaimed to me, "God is a marvelous artist!" I agree! I was surrounded by warm laughter, countless bright stars sprinkled across the sky, and the knowledge that God has our lives in His hands.

Have a beautiful October, and don't forget to marvel in His handiwork--people and nature!

P.S. I'm taking a big State Department exam Monday morning and afternoon. Please remember me in your thoughts!

Dear Helen. She had never seen leaves turn different colors before.

At Lake Monroe with some of my friends!

Several Ph.D. students trying to light the fire.

Success!

Perfect love

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out all fear..." 1 John 4:18

This is a verse that has seemed to pop into my mind over the last several months when I least expect it. I don't think I have a complete grasp on what it means entirely, but I usually remember this verse in situations where anxiety and fear tries to win--sometimes that's in conversations with other people, thoughts about the future, or in reading the news, etc.

FEAR has cropped up in my mind this past week in various situations:

-Sitting in class listening to people stress out about finding a job soon.
-Worrying that I will only continue to struggle through my millionth economics class.
-Listening to people at work talk about how they need to make themselves "indispensable" so they don't lose their jobs.
-Reading an article entitled the "lost generation" about how my generation may be labeled that because of the huge, unprecedented unemployment and underemployment rates in our age group.
-Strangers being surprised I'm not married or dating.
-Contemplating what on earth I should do when I graduate in a few months.

But, I then have been quickly reminded how there is no place for fear, especially when we have such an awesome, sovereign God who has always taken care of us.

So there have also been various situations this past week where LOVE has won:

-Being able to consistently encourage my fellow classmates and make them laugh.
-Enjoying His glorious creativity on runs and bike rides in absolutely gorgeous weather.
-Leading an English conversation group at church, and helping international students understand some difficult idioms.
-Humbling myself and asking my classmates for help on confusing and overwhelming homework and projects.
-Attending ballet class and recalling the joy God has given me for dance.
-Enjoying an opera performance with several of my close girlfriends.
-Remembering how I'm saved by His grace alone!

Saturday smores

It is Sunday evening and I'm sitting at my desk in front of my window, listening to the rain pound against the roof. I know we need the rain, but it always makes me a little melancholy. It sort of matches my mood at the moment, though. I have been busy every single second of this weekend and now I feel a little worn out and tired. I attempted to solve 50 intense economic problems, wrote a 7 page urban planning paper, prepared for a presentation, attended a group meeting, worked at the farmer's market, and read for several classes.

The highlight of this weekend, however, was our GFM hiking excursion. About 20 people showed up for hiking and dinner on a grill at McCormick's Creek State Park, which is only about 15 miles from here. It was a gorgeous late summer day, and we all just had a great time walking and talking and eating. I invited one of our Chinese neighbors, too, and he was excited to go on his first "American" hiking expedition.

I loved seeing things through his perspective and getting to talk to him a lot more. He thought the scenery was still very natural, and he was perplexed how there didn't seem to be a leader of the group, but we all just went with the flow. He and I had some great conversations about the truth and culture. We also got to teach him how to make his first smore, which was a delight!

Although classes and work can often be frustrating, it's moments like roasting a marshmallow over burning coals in the middle of the woods that can put everything into perspective.

Exploring an old quarry at McCormick's Creek.

Bingjing roasting his first marshmallow!

Cindy and Bingjing putting the smore together.

Anniversaries

This weekend has been full of anniversaries, some of them small, some of them momentous and life-changing. I remember my mom saying on the first anniversary of 9/11 that each September 11th will probably always be difficult. So on this 10th anniversary of 9/11, I reflect on life 10 years ago and then life today 10 years later.

September 8th, 2001
I vividly remember this day, because it was one of the last ballets I danced in. I had just returned from a summer of dancing at American Ballet Theater's summer intensive program and had grown a lot, especially as a dancer. My friend Katelynn and I were cast as soloists in the "Ballet in the Park," which was danced outside in the thick Kansas heat and humidity. One of the lead dancers in that ballet was inspired just a few days later to join the military because of 9/11. He was killed while serving in Iraq in 2003.

I had once planned on being a professional dancer, but that dream faded pretty quickly after that day. I'm not sure what happened--I think 9/11 made us all grow up pretty quickly and I wanted to do something more meaningful with my life. So 10 years later I found myself in the midst of several international students at an English conversation class at church helping them with basic idioms and sayings. In the past 10 years, God has brought the nations to the U.S., especially American campuses, where many of these international students are open and free to hear truth for maybe the first time in their lives.

September 9th, 2001
On this day 10 years ago my life would forever change, and hopefully there was a ripple effect from that decision that has affected other people's lives, too. Two days before 9/11 I was baptized at Lake Shawnee in Topeka, KS. I had just turned 15 years old and started 10th grade at Cair Paravel-Latin School. My life was wide ahead of me, and I was beginning to understand some of the passions God placed on my heart, which included knowing Christ and helping others know Him. So on another muggy late summer evening in Kansas, I was baptized in front of a small group of people. Little did I know how much God would continue to refine my faith and constantly pursue me every moment after that.

Since then I have lived in numerous different places, been a part of numerous different churches and fellowships, met numerous different people, and been challenged in my faith in numerous different ways. Although I have wandered at times, He is always there to bring me home. The greatest joy, peace, and satisfaction I have ever experienced in life is through my faith in Christ. Even when the world became a pretty scary place to a teenager soon after that day when I was baptized in 2001, I knew I didn't have to live life in fear. I've experienced true freedom and a feeling of "safety" when I have poured myself into others for the sake of the Gospel and followed Him literally to the ends of the earth.

And on this particular day in 2011, I sat with 100 other people at the Bloomington Chinese Christian Church (BCCC). As everyone sang "Amazing Grace" in Chinese, I was reminded how God is continually redeeming all the broken hearts and people through his amazing grace, which transcends all nationalities and languages.

September 10th, 2001
I really don't remember what I was doing on this day 10 years ago, but I know that I went to school, hung out with friends, and most likely went to ballet class afterward. It was probably the last day of normalcy I'd feel as a teenager.

And 10 years later, my roommate Cindy and I had an "apartment-warming" party to invite various friends and neighbors--American, Indian, Chinese, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, and atheist-- over for a potluck dinner. We tried to be as welcoming and hospitable as possible to these old and new friends as we continue to try and live as Jesus would, while enjoying their wonderful company (and food)!

September 11th, 2001
On this Tuesday morning in 2001 I was in government class--my favorite. Since I was 10 I had poured over every story in the newspaper at breakfast and even kept my own "current events" journal while every other girl my age had a boring diary. :) I still remember the school uniform I was wearing that day--a navy white polo shirt and plaid skirt.

So as we settled into our seats one girl mentioned that she heard on the radio a plane had flown into the World Trade Center in New York City. None of us had cell phones or any other way to have heard this news. I also had never heard of the World Trade Center, despite my faithful reading of Topeka's little newspaper. Our teacher flipped on the chunky television in the corner so we could watch the news. We immediately saw a burning tower and were just as confused as the newscasters who were trying to make sense of it. Everyone thought it must have been an accident.

Then not too many minutes later we watched live as a second plane flew into the other tower. I remember feeling chills as everyone realized this wasn't right and it wasn't an accident. Slowly other teachers and students from other classes began to come into our classroom to watch the other events unfold--the unbelievable collapse of the towers and reports of other plane crashes elsewhere. We were all stunned and certainly aware that the world as we knew it was changing dramatically.

Over the following weeks, months, and years, many aspects of life were defined by 9/11 in some way or another: Each family in our neighborhood flew their American flags every day for nearly a year. I ended up writing for that same hometown newspaper, which included stories about fellow peers joining the military out of their sense of duty and patriotism. I was a founding member of our county's "Young Republicans" club and sat in the 10th row of a visit to our city by President Bush. I became disenchanted by politics, and realized that only the Gospel could truly transform hearts and lives. I attended the funeral of that aforementioned ballet dancer killed in Iraq. I stood in the makeshift memorial inside the Pentagon and near the craters where the World Trade Center towers once stood. I remember seeing soldiers with automatic weapons and humvees in D.C. I also traveled to and lived in different cities and countries, where we knew we had to be constantly alert, because there was this "war on terror" America waged. In China I was keenly aware that not only was I an ambassador for Christ, but also America in many ways. It was there living in a closed, undemocratic country that I could appreciate the amazing freedoms America still enjoys and protects...

And now as a 25 year-old grad student, I am once again back in the Midwest sitting in government classes, all while pondering the future. The past 10 years have been intermingled with wars and victories, loss and love, and brokenness and redemption. How could a decade hold so much? Today as I remember those brave lives lost on 9/11, I can't help but think, what will the world and life look like 10 years from now?

We remember...

We move on...with friends in my tiny apartment I share with Cindy (and Steve the fish!)

So long, summer

Hope you all had a wonderfully restful Labor Day weekend! My weekend was very restful, but probably too much so. I did get to hang out with lots of different friends. One dear friend said, "Laura, I'm personally glad you're single again so I can see you much more often!"

So I'm getting to hang out with lots of neat folks. Friday after working most of the day I went with my Chinese friend to "Chinese church" at the church I attend. It was a fairly small group of Chinese believers, but the largest gathering of them I have ever seen--in China that many believers meeting together would cause a stir and probably trouble.

Anyway, I immediately felt at home and could even follow some of the worship and the super brief message, which were all in Chinese. At one point the new people were to introduce themselves to the congregation. Usually I get all flustered if I try and speak in Chinese to anyone. But somehow I had the courage in Chinese to introduce myself, that I was a student, that my Chinese is so poor, and that I was glad to meet everyone. And I was intelligible! It kind of all just poured out of me and I automatically made 50 new friends.

After the service we split into Bible study groups. My friend and I joined the English one, which had about 10 Chinese people in it. It was amazing to be sitting in America studying the Bible again with Chinese folks. The strange thing was that we freely met in a building and there were enough Bibles for everyone! There were even some extra Bibles. Unheard of... All in all the evening lasted about 3 hours. Nobody wanted to leave! So I think I will try to attend every Friday.

In other news, it's getting much chillier here. Fall is just around the corner, and that always makes me sad. I love the warm/hot weather and plentiful sunshine. I thrive on sunshine, and I deteriorate in gray, cold weather. I don't think I have enough meat on my bones or good enough blood circulation for the cold. And summer clothes are much cuter than winter ones by a long shot. When I'm old I'll definitely have to move to a tropical climate...

There's not really any rhyme or reason to this post, but even in this new fall season, God remains the same, and there are still many things to look forward to!

Don't Waste Your Life

Our grad program here is "only" 2 years (it feels a million times longer!), but I'm already ready to graduate in May. Hopefully I'll get more into the swing of things as the semester goes along.

In the midst of starting new classes I finished reading the book, "Don't Waste Your Life," by John Piper. I was reminded about focusing on the awesome privilege of knowing God, being glad in Him, and helping others also know and be glad in Him. Why is it always a perpetually never-ending lesson to remember that life is so much bigger than my own little self-centered world? Pouring myself into other people reaps contentment, which I'm rediscovering.

There were quite a few highlights from this past week as I've thrown myself back into classes, work at city hall, and relationships with other people:

-I was sitting in my urban planning class silently fuming because it seems not challenging at all and pretty pointless. Then I discovered a fellow classmate from Jiangxi province! Most Chinese people I meet here come from the huge coastal cities and not rather "backwater" places like Jiangxi. She said she had a lot of friends attend Blue Sky, where I taught in China. Her name is "Yan" and she was incredibly surprised and thrilled I had lived there. I was also incredibly surprised and thrilled to meet her, and we commenced to discuss all the familiar things from there.

-I received a sweet note in the mail from my adopted family I lived with this summer. In the note they said "We all still have an empty spot in our hearts that only your space can fill." Weep, weep! Who knew we'd all come to care for each other so much? And I miss them--almost as much as my real family. I especially miss their home-cooked meals! Now I have to try and rustle up meals on my own. Rough life!

-Although I complain a bit about being back in school, this is a tremendous blessing and opportunity to study! I should be thankful for all that I'm learning, especially in the neat people I continually meet and for all the reunions I had this week with dear, sweet friends.

-Last night I helped out with an English conversation class at church for international students. I was immediately transported back to my days of "English corner" in China. This was a much more tame version compared to the afternoons at Blue Sky where I was surrounded on average by at least 25 eager beavers who mostly came to stare at the foreigner. The majority of the participants in this particular class are married Chinese couples, and I am already in love with all of them! Now tonight I get to go to Chinese church and I'm bringing one of my good Chinese friends.

For some reason I still feel like my heart is hurting, but I know God is a great healer and redeemer! I'm thankful that He is faithful in redirecting me back toward meaningful pursuits and the knowledge that only He can fulfill. We have an awesome God deserving of praise. Have a blessed and restful Labor Day weekend!