Miles of memories

I have never had such a long drought of words for this blog, it seems. Most every single one of my brain cells seems dedicated to surviving the last 2 weeks of this semester. I could go on and on about the tons of papers, projects, presentations, finals, and work assignments I'm having to complete, but that's not very interesting at all. So I'll refrain and see where my thoughts take me.

Now what can I talk about? Hmmm... Finally, finally I'm reading "Crazy Love," by Francis Chan. I remember watching or listening to some of his sermons in China, where my teammates first introduced me to him. An amazing book! Again, if my brain cells weren't so fried, I could maybe share something insightful from the book. Maybe next blog post!

I've decided that one of the best sounds on earth is listening to the train that plows through the middle of the night very near to our apartment. There is always something comforting and constant about the rhythmic sounds of it steadily progressing down the tracks. Some of my favorite/most interesting moments in life have been on a train:

-In college my sister Andrea and I took Amtrak all the way from Topeka, KS to Rochester, NY--an impressive 28 hour journey sitting up the whole time. The trip commenced at about 3:30 a.m. in the little shack of a train station in Topeka. We boarded the train, which had come from who-knows-where. The entire train was sleeping, but the conductor began singing, "Chicago! Chicagoooo!" when he asked us where our transfer was. Then the train journeyed slowly through Kansas City, the most remote parts of Missouri and Iowa, and into Chicago. The train stopped at tiny little outposts on the prairie to mostly pick up Amish people and retired folks. It was extremely adventuresome. After switching trains in Chicago, we headed northeast through Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York. We had a great time seeing "Americana" close up.

-That same summer I took my first Chinese train, which was in every way different from an American train--much more chaotic and fun. It was a grueling journey on an ancient train from Beijing to Ningxia province, which lasted an entire 24 hours. It was my first experience with hard sleeper cars, each filled with at least 60 talkative, friendly, smoking, interesting people. I remember waking up on the third or top bunk, with a little boy hovering right in my face as he perched precariously on the rack intended for luggage. He was giggling, "Meiguoren, Meiguoren," (American).

-On that same trip, I also rode on a slow train through Ningxia province on the hard seats. I remember walking through cars and cars filled with peasants and farmers, most of them Muslim Hui people, trying to find a seat. At that time Ningxia was the poorest place in China, and might still be. They all lived on less than a 50 cents a day probably, and had never ever seen a foreigner. I remember finally wedging myself onto a seat, with the windows wide open in the middle of the desert! It was mesmerizing, to be surrounded by the poorest of the poor in the expansive desert and dried up creek beds, where the only signs of color was in the fields of sunflowers or thick, black smoke from powerplants.

-Later when I returned to China for 2 years, I had numerous other opportunities to take the train. It was always an adventure--the rush to get to the train with thousands of other people, praying not to get trampled, having little conversations in my very poor, broken Chinese, eating snacks with random strangers, having policemen check up on us, holding tiny babies, singing songs, reading books, looking at the endless landscape of people hunched over rice paddies and plowing fields with water buffalo, watching little children running alongside the train...

I guess trains for me represent adventure and new sights. Whenever I hear the lonely whistle of an Indiana Railroad freight train at night, I think about hopping on it, just to enjoy the journey and the view.

Here's a short collection of some of my train journey pictures throughout the years. Pictures can describe everything much better than words!

A shiny Amtrak train, America (2006)

Train through Ningxia, China (2006)

Ningxia (2006)

Hui Muslims in Ningxia (2006)

Beijing West train station (2009?)

A Chinese train station waiting room (2009)

Train in Jiangxi Province--that's me walking along the platform! (2010)

Typical view from a train in southern China (2009)

Thanksgivingness

Suddenly I'm all blogged out! I feel like I don't have much to say that's worthwhile. It's crunch time for school, and I'll be finished with the semester in less than 3 weeks now! It was a gloriously wonderful Thanksgiving break last week, especially because I had been going nonstop with classes and work for 13 straight weeks by that point and was on the verge of falling apart! So I enjoyed being with my family and am incredibly thankful for so much.

I was reading in my devotional about thankfulness: "To protect your thankfulness, you must remember that you reside in a fallen world, where blessings and sorrows intermingle freely. A constant focus on adversity defeats many Christians. They walk through a day that is brimming with beauty and brightness, seeing only the grayness of their thoughts. Neglecting the practice of giving thanks has darkened their minds. But we can walk through the darkest day with joy in our hearts because we know that the light of His presence is still shining us..."

Thanks for reading, faithful readers! I'm thankful for you!

Thankful for Andrea's awesome apple pie baking skills

Thankful for precious family members

Purpose-driven life

I have officially been writing this blog for over 3 years and roughly 360 posts! Since I was stalling on starting homework tonight, I started browsing through some of my old posts when I first arrived in China. I was transported right back to the chaotic streets of Nanchang and the energetic classrooms of Blue Sky. Now I've totally forgotten about my homework and feel even less motivation to start on it. So I decided I'd write another blog post to add to the epic amount I've already written over the past 3 years. And did you know that when I went to China I had just turned 22?

Writing about life in America just can never quite measure up to all the adventures, trials, and joys of China. But one joy I'm thankful for lately are my three Chinese friends who are studying the Word with me! We had our first official study last weekend, and I recalled all my memories of studying the Word in China with dear friends. I made sure to be an attentive host by serving tea and snacks. Then we dove right in to discussing the character of God. They asked some amazing questions and had some super interesting observations. That study was definitely the highlight of my weekend! After dinner we went to eat BBQ pulled pork sandwiches, which are only $5 and they loved them. Please think of them and their hearts, especially as we continue to study together. The Father has certainly given me a lot of purpose lately, especially in relationships and reaching out to internationals...

Life and school seems to be running a million miles an hour, but today I paused to reflect on my dear Grandma's birthday! She would have been 98 years old today! I still miss her dearly, and think about how she passed away while I was in China, 6,000 miles on the opposite side of the world. Her faith and optimism were always such an encouragement. Hopefully she would still be proud of me! :)

Oh, and my mom and sister come to visit in just a couple of days!

November blues

It is a very crisp, windy November evening. When I left work around 5 today, the sun was already setting, and little snowflakes were plummeting from the gray sky. I can't help but mourn a bit when colder weather sets in. I was born in the summer, and I think I will always be a summery person. The 110 degree heat in Kansas or in Nanchang, China never bothered me as much as the below-freezing winter. When the end of fall rolls around, I just feel like hibernating and becoming a recluse.

But, alas, I cannot and will not hibernate or become a recluse--there's too much to do and too many people to see. Maybe if I stay super occupied, soon it will be April before I know it. Here are a few random things going that you can be thinking of:

-I'm beginning to host a weekly Bible study at my house for several Chinese friends who are not believers, but want to know more about the Word. Please be lifting this time up!

-There are only a few very short weeks left until the end of this semester! I want to be diligent with my studies and projects, while still dedicating lots of time to other people.

-Many of my wonderful friends are finding awesome jobs already, and it's difficult for me to celebrate with them and not envious. Please think of my heart and that I will fully trust God for my future.

What a beautiful sight on campus and what a beautiful Creator we have!

Welcome, November

How can it be November already? How can stores already be decorated for Christmas? How can all my overwhelming class projects be due so soon?

I know a lot has happened in the past week, although now I can't remember hardly a thing...

I suppose it all started last week when I got to hang out at the public radio station for work. My supervisor was a guest on the "Noon Edition" of WFIU, and I helped him with his research! I was very pleased with my diligent efforts on trying to understand why Bloomington's poverty rate is so high. At one point I wanted to grab the mic and talk, but only because I've been on Chinese television in front of tens of millions of people. Being on a radio station in front of maybe a couple thousand people is a piece of cake! But I was quietly locked away in the control room where I could only watch all the interesting behind-the-scenes work. For example, callers can ask the guests questions. One guy was put through to the show before they had properly vetted him. You could tell he couldn't speak very good English, and he didn't realize he was on a radio show:

Radio host man: "Go ahead, caller, what is your question for our guests today?"

Mysterious caller: "Ummmm, hello?"

Radio host man: "Yes, we can hear you very well. What is your question?"

Mysterious caller: "Hello? Ummmm.... is Travis there?"

(Everyone slowly realized that Mysterious Caller had the wrong number.)

Radio host man tries to recover: "Eh, sorry, must be a bad connection."

So everything seems to be interesting these days, especially when I try to keep an adventuresome spirit. It was honestly another super challenging week, especially getting rejected from yet another job and having difficult conversations with people. But I was reading in my devotional to try and re-frame setbacks as opportunities. That is indeed my goal.

In other news, my dad and wife, Marilyn, are currently visiting! It's been fun to show them around our fair little city and eat at good restaurants. Today I took them to nearby quaint Nashville, Indiana, where we got to walk around and look at never-ending antique and knick-knack shops.

There's not a whole lot else to share, but so far November is a fascinating month...

With my dad on a beautiful November afternoon!

Giant, awkward ice-cream cone in Nashville! I couldn't finish eating the whole thing...

Being in Nashville is like being in a Hallmark card or something.

Fresh trails of adventure

I don't mean to always be a Johnny Raincloud, but it just seems like difficult things have been happening in life lately. Things that sort of hurt, and make you feel rejected and raw, even though I have so much to be thankful for and am quite content. Lately I feel like I have been spending much more time in the Father's presence, and am growing other ways spiritually, mentally, and as a well-rounded person. Maybe I'll just let what I wrote in my journal a few minutes ago speak for itself:

"This day started out well, but then wasn't so great by the afternoon. I found out two of my close school friends got jobs at the consulting firm I interviewed for, but I didn't. So I feel pretty disappointed about that... Then a few minutes later I discovered that I didn't pass the Foreign Service exam, which was probably even more disappointing, because you can only take the exam once a year. I missed the cutoff by only 5 points. I think I feel down also because I thought I was well qualified for both jobs and did well in my interviews... So, Lord, I'm going to be honest. I am sad and disappointed. I feel rejected and like a loser--sort of like when John broke up with me.

BUT, I know you have promised to work all things for my good. Maybe later I'll learn why I didn't get offered those jobs and I'll grasp the bigger picture. Maybe in your divine wisdom and grace you were saving me for something better. Maybe you were sparing me from a lot of grief and turmoil later. Maybe you didn't want me to work in a stressful consulting job where I wouldn't have time for people or you. Maybe you didn't want me to live in a place like Azerbaijan where I'd be isolated and cut off from community. Whatever your reasons, Lord, I choose to respect them and trust in your plans. I will follow your leading and not my own dreams or plans. Lord, replace my sadness and disappointment with a thankful and glad heart."

After I closed my journal, I read my devotional and Bible, where I also heard words of truth. In the devotional, it was like God was speaking to me:

"I, the Creator of the Universe, am the most creative Being imaginable. I will not leave you circling in deeply rutted paths. Instead, I will lead you along fresh trails of adventure, revealing to you things you did not know. Stay in communication with Me. Follow my guiding presence."

And then in Psalm 32:8:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

So, I'm heavy-hearted that those two jobs didn't work out. I automatically think about how challenging and interesting they would have been. And then I think about how I'm sure I'll end up jobless, homeless, bored stiff, and all alone in life. The very chilly, gray day and cold I'm battling sure don't help things! Yes, I'm sad, but no, this isn't the end of life. I will move forward and keep going and continue growing. God indeed has "fresh trails of adventure" in store for me now and in the future.

When I got home from work today, I was reminded of what is most important in life, like people. Last weekend I took my Chinese neighbors with me to an international fall party with folks from church. Here is a picture of Bingjing's happy pumpkin he carved. He put it outside in between our doors, so I can see it and smile when I come home.

Bingjing and his friendly pumpkin.

Mirrors and glass

Earlier this morning, I woke up with watery eyes and a crisp, sore throat. Sickness had finally found me. I had definitely worn myself out over the past week and have been running on empty. Despite feeling crummy, I still forced myself to head over to the gym. My body was tired, but it was even more tired of sitting all day long for a million days. The gym was pretty empty at 9 a.m. this Saturday morning on the campus of a huge party school.

One of the disorienting things about this huge workout area is the abundance of mirrors. They are literally everywhere; sometimes I can't even find the exit out, because all I see are mirrors. I managed to find a treadmill, though, in front of one of the few windows overlooking campus. It was a beautiful view--all the old stately buildings and gorgeous trees were just reflecting the first rays of morning sunshine. Next to me were other girls who planted themselves on the treadmills with huge ceiling to floor mirrors right in front of them. Most of the glamorous people who grace the gym tend to only look at themselves while they work out. It made me think of how much they're missing! If they look outside themselves, they can discover a bigger, more life-giving picture--the bold, beautiful, and broken world out there, and God's redeeming work.

This theme seemed to carry over into my quiet time, when I brought all my sadness and frustrations to the Lord. Yesterday I seemed to reach the end of my rope, and was almost crazy with helplessness and despair. So when I was spending time with God today, I had a vision of all my sins shattered like glass on the ground. I wanted to pick up the glass and make something whole of it, but my hands only got raw and bloody by the sharp, jagged pieces. Then Jesus said that He will pick up the pieces for me; I can't do it. I can't make myself whole again, only He can. He didn't sweep the sin and brokenness entirely away, because they were still a part of me and my story. Instead, He picked up all the pieces and made a beautiful glass sculpture out of it. I couldn't really see clearly what it looked like, but the sculpture was of a person--the woman God had intended me to be. The glass reflected the light like a rainbow with a million different colors. He desires for other people and me to see that sculpture and the beauty that was made out of brokenness, but the point isn't to see ME. Instead, the light radiating from the glass points to His glory and His goodness and His faithfulness and His provision and His peace and His love and His sovereignty.