Maybe I'll just come out and let my faithful blog readers know. I'm trying to decide what to do when I graduate. Of course that's what most people do when they're 2 months from graduating. I figured by this point I'd have a job or know what I wanted to do. Sometimes it seems like there are too many opportunities, and then the next second there are none at all.
As I try to figure out the next steps, they just seem incredibly unclear. I've been praying, getting wise counsel from trusted friends, and reading the Word. I've also been talking with a couple missions organizations about possibly going overseas again. Although I have a million different interests, here are the common denominators in my life:
-My faith
-Draw to Asia
-Heart for the unloved and marginalized
Currently there aren't any opportunities or open doors that seem obvious or fill me with peace. I just don't really understand... With other big life decisions, like going to Old Dominion for college and heading off to China, I felt like these were the most natural next steps in the world. There's nothing like that right now, even with Christian organizations I'm looking into at the moment. Something is making me hesitant, and I don't know why. I'm trying to trust the Father, but I feel either impatient or frustrated. What's wrong with returning to East Asia? Nothing probably, but then why am I not super enthusiastic and rearing to go? Maybe God is telling me, "Be still and wait."
I guess I just want to make the best decision out of myriad good choices, and want to honor God. This past week I've rested from trying to make any decisions, and I've been much more content. I've been able to love people well here and now.
There were some highlights from this past week. I started taking Chinese lessons at the Asian Culture Center on campus, which is a nice old house with lots of character. My new tutor reviewed some of the basics, and I was surprised at how much I remembered. Hopefully I'll be able to continue lessons each week.
I also am still attending ballet classes once a week at Windfall Dancers. If I could pick anything to do, without fear of needing to make a living, I'd definitely choose ballet. It's a huge blessing to dance to gorgeous music, release all my worries, fly through the air, and feel talented at something.
Today I also drove down to Bedford to be on the big Super Oldies radio station, which sounds pretty random. As the PR person for Homeward Bound, I get to interact a lot with the media--newspaper, radio, TV, etc. It was pretty enjoyable. The station building was a little box, like a step out of time right from the 1950s. The guy--Andy--interviewed me for about 10 minutes, which sort of is a long time.
I sat in a faded orange chair from a time when the Oldies were new songs, with a giant pink microphone in my face. Right before we went on air, with "Twist and Shout" playing in the background, Andy told me not to be nervous, because only a total of 150,000 people could possibly listen. I smiled, but was somewhat smugly thinking, "That's nothing! How about being on Chinese television, twice, in front of a good few hundred million people?"
Truth be told, though, I was nervous. I only lost my grasp on the English language a couple of times. But I was surprised at how comfortable I felt once we started talking. I felt like I could keep talking and bantering back and forth forever. At the end, after we went off air, Andy looked at me sort of strangely. He said, "That was your first time? You're a natural! I wish I could have you on the air another 100 times." So I felt relieved and a wee bit more confident as I walked out the quaint little building and drove out of the quaint little southern Indiana town into the wintry February morning.
Next interview: WISH-TV in Indianapolis. With that one, I can't look like I just rolled out of bed, and real people I really know could really be tuning in.
That's all I know for now! I managed to pick up a cold somewhere, so I just feel like hibernating tonight. Hope you are well! Let me know how you are doing!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Dear restless heart
What a week I would never want to repeat. This week I was broken, confused, fearful, and anxious. I made decisions and thought thoughts that reflected those sins. Each day seemed like such an incredible struggle, that I was nearly paralyzed. It was all I could do to keep putting one foot in front of another. And the even more difficult and uncomfortable part was that my shortcomings were blindly obvious to the whole world, especially to people or organizations I really care about! Yes, world, Laura does not have it all together.
But something amazing happened as I confessed my failings to God, my friends, and my family. Nobody turned their back on me, but were incredibly encouraging and supportive. I realized, maybe for the first time in my life, how I am truly, deeply loved! Instead of feeling lost and alone, I felt like the most blessed person on earth. The Lord forgave me. The Lord made His love known. The Lord gave me hope anew. Friends guided me. Friends encouraged. Friends hugged me. Friends did crazy, loving things for me. Family listened as I cried. Family loved me well. Family challenged me to grow.
And here's a poem from some girlfriends that touched me deeply:
Dear restless heart, be still; don't fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know.
Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God's own smile,
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love, and calmly wait awhile.
Dear restless heart, be brave; don't moan and sorrow so,
He has a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow.
Dear restless heart, recline upon His breast this hour,
His grace is strength and life, His love is bloom and flower;
Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power.
Dear restless heart, be still! Don't struggle to be free;
God's life is in your life, from Him you may not flee;
Just pray, and pray, and pray, till you have faith to see.
-Edith Willis Linn
But something amazing happened as I confessed my failings to God, my friends, and my family. Nobody turned their back on me, but were incredibly encouraging and supportive. I realized, maybe for the first time in my life, how I am truly, deeply loved! Instead of feeling lost and alone, I felt like the most blessed person on earth. The Lord forgave me. The Lord made His love known. The Lord gave me hope anew. Friends guided me. Friends encouraged. Friends hugged me. Friends did crazy, loving things for me. Family listened as I cried. Family loved me well. Family challenged me to grow.
And here's a poem from some girlfriends that touched me deeply:
Dear restless heart, be still; don't fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know.
Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God's own smile,
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love, and calmly wait awhile.
Dear restless heart, be brave; don't moan and sorrow so,
He has a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow.
Dear restless heart, recline upon His breast this hour,
His grace is strength and life, His love is bloom and flower;
Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power.
Dear restless heart, be still! Don't struggle to be free;
God's life is in your life, from Him you may not flee;
Just pray, and pray, and pray, till you have faith to see.
-Edith Willis Linn
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Times are changing
Happy mid-February! This is always a fun month, because it's bitterly cold, cloudy, and seemingly never ending. But a lot of neat things have been happening. Plus, when you have to stay inside, there are always great opportunities to read, reflect, and just continue to abide in Christ.
This past week has had an international theme. Well, more like a Chinese theme. I still help out at the English conversation class at our church, where about 95% of the students in the group are Chinese.
Friday was one of my Chinese friend's birthday. We ate hotpot in his apartment, which I hadn't had since China. It was very authentic, and felt just like we had been transported back to China. I was just sad that I forgot so much of my Chinese and couldn't really contribute to any conversations.
I also got to talk on Skype with Reborn in Xinjiang! She was still at her little home with her little family in her little tiny, extremely remote town where Kelsey and I visited exactly 2 years ago. When we visited, the Internet had been cut off for 10 months to the entire province, which is like a step back into the 1800s. Now they have Internet and her family even has a brand new desktop computer!
So I got to catch up with Reborn and see her dear little face. I also talked with her other family members, who seemed like they would explode with excitement. One by one they came to the computer to give their greetings. Her sweet, funny mom asked about my mom, tried to feed me a baozi through the computer, and asked about my relationship status. Then her dad came to sit down, and munched on some nuts in his navy sweater. He looked and acted exactly the same. He seems like the most serious guy in the whole world, but is actually really funny and has a huge heart. He asked me about my school, what I'm studying, etc. All of this was mostly relayed through Reborn the translator.
Last but not least, her grandma sat down in front of the computer! She is now 90 years old and still has her little bound feet. She is still extremely tiny, hard of hearing, and cute. She wore her pretty padded jacket, with a little hat on her head. Out of everyone, she was probably the most excited. I got all teary-eyed when I saw her. She remembered me, asked about Kelsey, and just couldn't believe I was talking to her from America. For the remainder of my conversation with Reborn, Grandma sat right alongside her, looking quite intently at the computer screen. Gosh, I miss them!
Hopefully you can be lifting Reborn up! We actually seem to be at similar junctures in our life. She is also figuring out what to do when she graduates this semester. But she isn't anxious, and we were able to encourage each other a lot. She also shared some exciting news about how 2 of her classmates I remember teaching as baby freshmen are now sisters! They started going to fellowship a long time ago with her, and are now reading the Word avidly. They are 2 students I never really imagined coming to know Him, but God works in much more amazing ways than I can ever think possible. And it's just incredible to think how God can use one person like Reborn to have a ripple effect for all eternity...
The only non-Chinese-y thing beside homework I did was going to the opera with my friends. Usually it's held on campus at a huge, very modern concrete theater that feels more like a spaceship than a theater. This opera, however, was held downtown for some reason at the Buskirk-Chumley theater which was built about a century ago. It's much, much smaller, and you feel just like you stepped into the 1920s. The opera, Albert Herring, was pretty entertaining, and was in English, which is rare.
Xingjiang circa 2010.
Xinjiang circa 2012 + Reborn's older sister!
Skyping with baby Reborn! She had just woken up.
Grandma Liu on Skype.
My fellow SPEA and opera friends looking quite glamorous.
Wearing Mom's dress to the opera--hopefully the audience wasn't too distracted! And I curled my hair for the first time in many moons.
This past week has had an international theme. Well, more like a Chinese theme. I still help out at the English conversation class at our church, where about 95% of the students in the group are Chinese.
Friday was one of my Chinese friend's birthday. We ate hotpot in his apartment, which I hadn't had since China. It was very authentic, and felt just like we had been transported back to China. I was just sad that I forgot so much of my Chinese and couldn't really contribute to any conversations.
I also got to talk on Skype with Reborn in Xinjiang! She was still at her little home with her little family in her little tiny, extremely remote town where Kelsey and I visited exactly 2 years ago. When we visited, the Internet had been cut off for 10 months to the entire province, which is like a step back into the 1800s. Now they have Internet and her family even has a brand new desktop computer!
So I got to catch up with Reborn and see her dear little face. I also talked with her other family members, who seemed like they would explode with excitement. One by one they came to the computer to give their greetings. Her sweet, funny mom asked about my mom, tried to feed me a baozi through the computer, and asked about my relationship status. Then her dad came to sit down, and munched on some nuts in his navy sweater. He looked and acted exactly the same. He seems like the most serious guy in the whole world, but is actually really funny and has a huge heart. He asked me about my school, what I'm studying, etc. All of this was mostly relayed through Reborn the translator.
Last but not least, her grandma sat down in front of the computer! She is now 90 years old and still has her little bound feet. She is still extremely tiny, hard of hearing, and cute. She wore her pretty padded jacket, with a little hat on her head. Out of everyone, she was probably the most excited. I got all teary-eyed when I saw her. She remembered me, asked about Kelsey, and just couldn't believe I was talking to her from America. For the remainder of my conversation with Reborn, Grandma sat right alongside her, looking quite intently at the computer screen. Gosh, I miss them!
Hopefully you can be lifting Reborn up! We actually seem to be at similar junctures in our life. She is also figuring out what to do when she graduates this semester. But she isn't anxious, and we were able to encourage each other a lot. She also shared some exciting news about how 2 of her classmates I remember teaching as baby freshmen are now sisters! They started going to fellowship a long time ago with her, and are now reading the Word avidly. They are 2 students I never really imagined coming to know Him, but God works in much more amazing ways than I can ever think possible. And it's just incredible to think how God can use one person like Reborn to have a ripple effect for all eternity...
The only non-Chinese-y thing beside homework I did was going to the opera with my friends. Usually it's held on campus at a huge, very modern concrete theater that feels more like a spaceship than a theater. This opera, however, was held downtown for some reason at the Buskirk-Chumley theater which was built about a century ago. It's much, much smaller, and you feel just like you stepped into the 1920s. The opera, Albert Herring, was pretty entertaining, and was in English, which is rare.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Close, but no cigar
Hi folks! Hope you've been enjoying the fine month of February so far! We've been blessed with nearly a week of unseasonably gorgeous weather. After work today I managed to run off a lot of my pent up energy on the cross-country course out in the beautiful sunshine.
I guess I just wanted to keep my faithful blog readers posted on recent interview/job developments. Apparently the company I interviewed for last week narrowed it down to me and another candidate. They had such a difficult time making a decision, that they had to discuss it the following day. I guess they were extremely impressed by my skills, experience, and application of knowledge to the business, but decided I wasn't quite assertive enough, which seems to be my biggest weakness in life. So ultimately they offered the job to the other person.
I'm disappointed, especially knowing how extremely close the decision was. I didn't expect to make it that far in the process anyway--just to make it to the final round of interviews and then to be in the top 2 was an honor (among a bevy of folks from Columbia and Stanford). But I feel like I don't have any regrets, especially since I put my best foot forward, represented myself well, and decided to trust God no matter the outcome.
Thanks for all your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement! It's always nice to know that I have a wonderful support network in Indiana, Kansas, and wherever else.
Enjoy Super Bowl weekend!
I guess I just wanted to keep my faithful blog readers posted on recent interview/job developments. Apparently the company I interviewed for last week narrowed it down to me and another candidate. They had such a difficult time making a decision, that they had to discuss it the following day. I guess they were extremely impressed by my skills, experience, and application of knowledge to the business, but decided I wasn't quite assertive enough, which seems to be my biggest weakness in life. So ultimately they offered the job to the other person.
I'm disappointed, especially knowing how extremely close the decision was. I didn't expect to make it that far in the process anyway--just to make it to the final round of interviews and then to be in the top 2 was an honor (among a bevy of folks from Columbia and Stanford). But I feel like I don't have any regrets, especially since I put my best foot forward, represented myself well, and decided to trust God no matter the outcome.
Thanks for all your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement! It's always nice to know that I have a wonderful support network in Indiana, Kansas, and wherever else.
Enjoy Super Bowl weekend!
Friday, January 27, 2012
The Executive
This past week has been pretty crazy in a lot of ways. I've been tired, stressed, and overwhelmed, but I felt such incredible peace about everything. I know there have been a lot of people praying for me, and I could tell... Thank you!!
Classes and life stepped into full gear this week. Definitely the most challenging and time-consuming class is my capstone project. There are 30 of us working with a client--the local NPR station--on assessing the future of the station. Trying to organize a project like that on our own among 30 people is just a wee bit challenging. In addition, I am one of the people in charge of data analysis, which will include creating databases and using regression analysis. It's certainly not my greatest talent, but I'm sure I'll learn a lot.
The week was topped off by a day and a half in downtown Indianapolis, which is hosting the Super Bowl next weekend. The entire place was a madhouse. Police and Super Bowl planner people littered the streets. Every street seemed blocked off. Somehow I made it on Thursday afternoon to the four-star Omni hotel, which is attached to the Super Bowl village. I've never stayed in such a nice place. I drove up to the hotel, and two valets immediately jumped to help me. After they took my car away, another couple valets opened the doors for me to the hotel.
I was staying there because I had an interview with a big company based in Indy. There were about 14 other candidates who made it to the final round with me, and we were hosted at the swanky hotel. So on Thursday night we all went to eat dinner, and then had 7 hours of interviews today! It was one of the most grueling things I've ever been a part of. The other candidates were all extremely intelligent, and attended prestigious programs at Standford, NYU, Columbia, etc. I think I was the only person from a state school. There were only four of us girls, and the rest were guys who all looked like they were from Calvin Klein ads. Too bad I wasn't looking for a boyfriend!
It was a great learning experience, because I felt like I represented my skills and knowledge well. I gave it 100% effort, and can't regret anything. I certainly was lacking in business skills, though, which I don't think really helped me. No matter the outcome, I'm thankful that I even made it that far, and am satisfied with how it went. I'm a dearly loved child of God, and my status or identity is not dependent on my job... And I'm not really thinking I want to work in the corporate world anyway. Sealing the deal for $1 billion contracts could never compare to sharing the Gospel, although I suppose you could potentially do both...
Now all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for 100 years. Good night!
The executive look. I was definitely the sharpest dresser there! :)
Classes and life stepped into full gear this week. Definitely the most challenging and time-consuming class is my capstone project. There are 30 of us working with a client--the local NPR station--on assessing the future of the station. Trying to organize a project like that on our own among 30 people is just a wee bit challenging. In addition, I am one of the people in charge of data analysis, which will include creating databases and using regression analysis. It's certainly not my greatest talent, but I'm sure I'll learn a lot.
The week was topped off by a day and a half in downtown Indianapolis, which is hosting the Super Bowl next weekend. The entire place was a madhouse. Police and Super Bowl planner people littered the streets. Every street seemed blocked off. Somehow I made it on Thursday afternoon to the four-star Omni hotel, which is attached to the Super Bowl village. I've never stayed in such a nice place. I drove up to the hotel, and two valets immediately jumped to help me. After they took my car away, another couple valets opened the doors for me to the hotel.
I was staying there because I had an interview with a big company based in Indy. There were about 14 other candidates who made it to the final round with me, and we were hosted at the swanky hotel. So on Thursday night we all went to eat dinner, and then had 7 hours of interviews today! It was one of the most grueling things I've ever been a part of. The other candidates were all extremely intelligent, and attended prestigious programs at Standford, NYU, Columbia, etc. I think I was the only person from a state school. There were only four of us girls, and the rest were guys who all looked like they were from Calvin Klein ads. Too bad I wasn't looking for a boyfriend!
It was a great learning experience, because I felt like I represented my skills and knowledge well. I gave it 100% effort, and can't regret anything. I certainly was lacking in business skills, though, which I don't think really helped me. No matter the outcome, I'm thankful that I even made it that far, and am satisfied with how it went. I'm a dearly loved child of God, and my status or identity is not dependent on my job... And I'm not really thinking I want to work in the corporate world anyway. Sealing the deal for $1 billion contracts could never compare to sharing the Gospel, although I suppose you could potentially do both...
Now all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for 100 years. Good night!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Majesty
I'm thankful for the past week, which has been filled with a lot of interesting highlights (and some lowlights, too). Classes are interesting, and it's great to be back around dear classmates and friends. Although the weather has been crazy--with snow and 1 degree temperatures one day and then thunderstorms, tornadoes, and 60 degree temperatures the very next day, I haven't seemed to notice all that much.
It's also nice to be back with international friends. Our InterVarsity GFM chapter posted a guest blog I wrote about reaching out to internationals--my favorite topic! If you need some more reading material, check it out here.
Another interesting tidbit--Last night I had a dream where I was in a beautiful field, although I don't know where. I remember that the sky was an incredible blue with magnificent purple, pink, and orange clouds. The sun cast a soft, golden light over everything. It was very peaceful and awe-inspiring. I remember reflecting on God's goodness and creativity. Then this morning driving to city hall, I was on a road where you have a good view of the sky, which is difficult to find in hilly, tree-covered southern Indiana. The sky and sunlight looked exactly like my dream! It didn't even look real, it was so amazing and dream-like. I thanked God for such a glorious sight. About 30 minutes later I was waiting for a meeting to start, when I glanced up at a random painting on the wall. The watercolor painting had a sky and field that looked exactly like my dream! At this point I knew it couldn't just be a coincidence. I don't know what it means or if there is any meaning at all, but at least my sights and focus have been on our awesome Creator today!
Hope you also have the opportunity to look up and see Him today!
It's also nice to be back with international friends. Our InterVarsity GFM chapter posted a guest blog I wrote about reaching out to internationals--my favorite topic! If you need some more reading material, check it out here.
Another interesting tidbit--Last night I had a dream where I was in a beautiful field, although I don't know where. I remember that the sky was an incredible blue with magnificent purple, pink, and orange clouds. The sun cast a soft, golden light over everything. It was very peaceful and awe-inspiring. I remember reflecting on God's goodness and creativity. Then this morning driving to city hall, I was on a road where you have a good view of the sky, which is difficult to find in hilly, tree-covered southern Indiana. The sky and sunlight looked exactly like my dream! It didn't even look real, it was so amazing and dream-like. I thanked God for such a glorious sight. About 30 minutes later I was waiting for a meeting to start, when I glanced up at a random painting on the wall. The watercolor painting had a sky and field that looked exactly like my dream! At this point I knew it couldn't just be a coincidence. I don't know what it means or if there is any meaning at all, but at least my sights and focus have been on our awesome Creator today!
Hope you also have the opportunity to look up and see Him today!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Hello, 2012!
I've been living in a fog and finally realized that it's really truly a brand new year! Over the past couple of weeks I have tried to start writing another blog post and seem almost overwhelmed by paralysis. I used to love writing, and now I feel like I can barely write a single word that truly reflects what God is teaching me or what's on my heart. For once in my life, words just aren't adequate. I also get to be a "guest" blogger on our InterVarsity Graduate Faculty Ministry blog this upcoming week. What should I express? Where do I start?
I could write about all the struggles going on in my heart and mind, especially about the future, but I won't. At this point in time, I just desperately want to keep my eyes fixed on Christ, and everything else always falls into place. The biggest temptation grad school seems to offer on a regular basis is to be consumed by self.
We started classes up again this week. It's my final semester! Sometimes I still think I made a horrible mistake by coming back to America to get my degree in something that has turned out to not really interest me. But I have been able to be used by God for His glory and purposes not only in the classroom, but especially outside of it. Who knew that God would give boldness to share the Gospel and befriend so many people even in southern Indiana?
So I have chosen not to dwell on the "what ifs" and "should haves." There are different seasons in life, and this one has just been particularly challenging and often frustrating. However, although I feel like I've often walked in the desert, God has been there all along. I've grown and been refined in ways I didn't think were possible. Through the desert experience I've had to call out to God nearly constantly, and even in the desert there is beauty! I've grown up a lot in the past year or so...
Oh, and if you're looking for an awesome, relevant read this winter, you should definitely read "A Praying Life," by Paul Miller. It's probably one of the top three books I've read, which is high praise coming from someone who regularly reads 3 or 4 books (excluding textbooks!) a month.
I could write about all the struggles going on in my heart and mind, especially about the future, but I won't. At this point in time, I just desperately want to keep my eyes fixed on Christ, and everything else always falls into place. The biggest temptation grad school seems to offer on a regular basis is to be consumed by self.
We started classes up again this week. It's my final semester! Sometimes I still think I made a horrible mistake by coming back to America to get my degree in something that has turned out to not really interest me. But I have been able to be used by God for His glory and purposes not only in the classroom, but especially outside of it. Who knew that God would give boldness to share the Gospel and befriend so many people even in southern Indiana?
So I have chosen not to dwell on the "what ifs" and "should haves." There are different seasons in life, and this one has just been particularly challenging and often frustrating. However, although I feel like I've often walked in the desert, God has been there all along. I've grown and been refined in ways I didn't think were possible. Through the desert experience I've had to call out to God nearly constantly, and even in the desert there is beauty! I've grown up a lot in the past year or so...
Oh, and if you're looking for an awesome, relevant read this winter, you should definitely read "A Praying Life," by Paul Miller. It's probably one of the top three books I've read, which is high praise coming from someone who regularly reads 3 or 4 books (excluding textbooks!) a month.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)