Diving In

I just finished reading Tim Keller's book, The King's Cross. There was a paragraph that has stuck with me, especially as I have continued to struggle at times about why I'm still here in Bloomington and how to handle it:

"If the circumstances of life don't satisfy the present desires of my heart, I'm not going to suppress those desires, but I'm not going to surrender to them, either. I know that they will only be satisfied, eventually, in the Father. I will trust and obey Him, put myself in His hands, and go forward."

So I'd say I've been choosing to trust and obey Him, while going forward. One of the ways to move forward is by challenging myself to learn new things, and remain engaged with the community and friends. Lately I've neglected some of my greatest loves--fellowship, dance, studying Chinese, and being with international students.

To remedy that, I've started up taking ballet classes at a local nonprofit in town after a 3 month hiatus. The instructor is fabulous, and reminds me of my old ballet teacher--she yells at you, makes you work on a correction over and over again in front of everyone, and is quite eccentric. It's wonderful. I'm also back to my usual Sunday school class at church, and have been attending intermediate Chinese classes at the IU Asian Culture Center. For professional development, service projects, and networking, I joined Rotoract, which is the branch of Rotary club for young professionals. With international students, I've begun volunteering again with the Bloomington International Student Ministry, and enjoyed an awesome picnic with tons of internationals last weekend.

Even though I'm out of school (maybe for good), that doesn't mean I have to stop learning and growing! I've had a lot of great role models in this area, some of whom may be reading this blog. So thank you for the inspiration!

Tomorrow I leave for a long weekend in Rochester to see my grandparents. Please pray for a blessed time with them, and that I will be an encouragement!

Oh, and if you're looking for something else to read, you can check out a little summary of the "How to Thrive in Grad School" panel I was a part of that I mentioned last blog post:

http://gfmatiu.com/2012/08/in-case-you-missed-it/

A steadfast heart

Life continues! This week I have determined I will learn, grow, and try new things. I will not stay stagnant, live fearfully, or dwell on the past and "what ifs." I will take my thoughts captive and trust in my heavenly Father. I will continue to take steps forward. I will be genuine and walk in freedom and the truth. I will keep my gaze on Christ.

The Scripture verse I've been dwelling on this week is Psalm 112:7: "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord." It seems like waves of bad or unwelcome news have roiled through my life recently, but I have no need to fear! Although it's difficult to see or believe it lately, I am actively choosing to remember that He is good and faithful... no matter what.

Here are some random highlights from this past week:

-Enjoyed plenty of meals and drank lots of tea with old friends who have arrived back in town.
-Hiked in a state forest with another dear old friend.
-Met lots of super friendly and interesting strangers while working at the Bloomington Volunteer Fair.
-Joined a mysterious German man in helping 2 random ladies push their broken-down SUV on the side of the road into a parking lot right before it started pouring.
-Ate lots of ice-cream (I'm starting to gain a reputation at work as the girl who is always eating).
-Tried several new recipes with my roommate.
-Talked to incoming and returning grad students at GFM about "How to Thrive at Grad School." (I'm an expert, right?)
-Ran and biked all over the place.
-Praised God for the amazingly gorgeous weather.

Hope you are having a wonderfully blessed week, while keeping a steadfast heart!

August musings

I'm sorry, dear readers, for rarely writing a blog post these days. I'd like to say it's because nothing really has been going on, but it seems like there's way too much going on. Life has been difficult in a lot of ways: work-wise, relationship-wise, health-wise, grandparent-wise... I'm also surrounded by broken, hurting, poor people on a daily basis, and it's easy to wonder sometimes where God is in all of this. But then I remember to pause, look heavenward, and remember that He is eternally loving, good, faithful, and just.

He has provided interactions with incredible friends, family, and strangers this past week that have offered me amazing encouragement and hope. And like usual, when I focus on others and not myself (much easier in theory!), I find that my problems shrink to tiny proportions. And like usual, when I focus on the cross and not my own shortcomings, I regain perspective.

In short, we worship an awesome God! I have remembered this recently as I reconnected with long-lost friends, befriended an Indian family, went on 13+ mile bike rides, cooked huge dinners with my roommate, went on long walks, and read His Word constantly.

In closing, here's another awesome quote from the Oswald Chamber devotional which struck a chord with me when I was asking God why on earth I'm here:

"Look at God's incredible waste of His saints, according to the world's judgment. God seems to plant His saints in the most useless places. And then we say, 'God intends for me to be here because I am so useful to Him.' Yet Jesus never measured His life by how or where He was the greatest use. God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him, and we are totally incapable of judging where that might be."

So maybe that's Bloomington or maybe it's somewhere else eventually, but I choose to trust that God will work all things for good, and that I just need to keep stepping forward in faith.

Growing Pains

Happy late July!

There have been a lot of changes lately in my life--moving, starting a new job, turning 26... I feel like I've reached that point of being a bona fide grown-up, and I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready or able to fill the role. It reminds me of when I was a kid and had growing pains, where I could feel my bones literally growing and stretching. It was pretty painful, especially for a girl like me who was already 5'9" by age 13 or 14. But then, after a while, somehow I morphed from a gangly girl into a willowy ballerina. Like growing pains in your bones, growing pains as a person walking through life can also ache and ache--your heart aches, your mind aches, and your body does too a lot. But then, after a while, somehow you have morphed into a stronger follower of Christ and have continually learned how to love people more and more for His name's sake.

This is a challenging time for a variety of reasons, but especially in considering what purpose or plans God has in store for me. I just pray that I'm allowing God to grow me into the woman He created me to be, even when life doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense.

Then I was reading in my daily devotional centered on Mark 6:45: "He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side..."

Oswald Chambers said in this devotional:

"His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished--His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see 'Him walking on the sea' with no shore, no success, no goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see 'Him walking on the sea' (v. 6:49). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God. God's training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future."

Amen!

Northern travels

I don't think I remember how to write a blog post--it's been so long! I'm back in Kansas after spending the most marvelous week in Rochester, NY. Since May I've calculated that I have flown on 13 airplanes, visited 3 countries and 6 states, and hung out with countless folks. I thought I'd sort of lay low this summer before my job starts in less than 2 weeks, but that was not to be! Now I think my travels are finally drawing to a close...

Let's see, what can I say about Kansas? Not a whole lot. I was here for a week before I went to Rochester, and will be here for another a few days before I head back east to start work. It's been over 100 for more than 2 weeks without any rain.

Now what can I say about our most recent excursion to New York? A whole lot. I was extremely glad that every single family member on my Mom's side could meet up in Rochester for a reunion and to get a family picture taken. The last time we were all together was Christmas 1996, so it's been quite a while! Our youngest cousin, Adam, was just a baby then, and now he's a 16 year-old who is almost as tall as Andrea and I am.

Here are some of the many activities we did:

-Visited Grandpa several times at the "memory care" facility where he now lives
-Walked alongside the Erie Canal at night
-Played Frisbee
-Kayaked on the Erie Canal
-Baked chocolate crinkle cookies
-Walked along Lake Ontario
-Ate ice-cream at Friendly's and Abbott's
-Celebrated Grandma and Grandpa's 60th wedding anniversary
-Went for a walk next to cornfields and a sheep farm
-Sat on the porch in the cooler weather
-Drove to Niagara Falls and Crystal Beach in Ontario, Canada
-Waded into Lake Erie
-Laughed a lot
-Met two of Mom's cousins
-Visited L.L. Bean
-Went to Starbucks in a 160 year-old cobblestone house

Overall it was a blessed time, and a great way to end the majority of my summer travels.

Lake Ontario.

Niagara Falls.

Summer contentment

Today I was thinking about what I was doing other summers over the past decade. They include:

-Working in the 100 degree heat picking up golf balls at two Topeka golf courses
-Wait staffing at one of the cheapest restaurants in Topeka
-Selling jewelry to unsuspecting folks at Sears
-Living in the desert of China
-Researching and writing at NASA Langley
-Preparing to go to China
-Returning from China
-Hobnobbing with ambassadors and Congressmen in D.C.

I've usually stayed pretty busy during the summer, so I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself now that I have one more month until I start working. But I'm definitely enjoying all the free time, especially in savoring lots of interesting books... Grad school didn't quite completely kill off my joy of reading and learning.

And like Paul, I guess I'm trying to be content in every situation! Somehow I was blessed with this free time, and I sure am doing my best to use it well.

Here are some of the other leisurely activities I've been up to lately:

-Reading (mostly novels)
-Biking
-Running
-Eating (mostly icecream)
-Cleaning
-Packing
-Praying
-Reading some more
-Hanging out with a few remaining Bloomington friends

And I'm thinking it might be time to change this blog's name, now that I've been back in the U.S. for a good while now. Any thoughts or ideas?

China Remembering

I realized on last flight back to America 2 days ago that I had just journeyed across the world and all over China by myself. Not really by myself, since God was with me and I had tons of people praying, but basically. I'm just so thankful to know that I can still make new friends, speak some Chinese, live without showers, use squatty-potties, eat lots of rice, not be in control of everything, and be flexible and adaptable. I was afraid that America had made me spoiled...

So my several days in Nanchang were quite challenging and blessed, all rolled up into one brief visit. I got to stay on Blue Sky's "old" campus where I used to live, and Reborn stayed with me, so we got to be together 24 hours a day! And we never got tired of each other. Nanchang and Blue Sky University has changed so much, that I barely recognized anybody or anything. It was unsettling and strange the first day, but then I relaxed and enjoyed the city and people the remainder of my time there.

First, some of things that have not changed in Nanchang:

-The train station is still the dingiest, most crowded and unique one in all of China, from my perspective.
-Our old apartments where we used to live are still old, but habitable.
-Blue Sky's "new" campus where I taught still looks the same, albeit a little more faded and falling apart.
-The city is still inexpensive, crowded, and chaotic.
-The sky is still gray and hazy most of the time.
-The weather is still extremely wet, humid, and hot.
-The food is still spicy.
-My favorite 220 bus to get to most places is still packed to overflowing with people.
-There are still so many beggars all over the city.
-A lot of people remembered me.
-The city still has a very special character that makes it stand out (and probably a character that makes most foreigners not want to live there. Haha).

However, it seemed like there were more changes than not:

-They are building a metro system in the city, so the entire main artery is ripped up, along with most of the buildings I used to know.
-They are even building the city's first Starbucks, which means Nanchang will soon cease to be a backwater, inconsequential city.
-Way more people had cars.
-The fields filled with rubble and pigs in front of old campus are now home to 12 25-story apartment buildings.
-Most of my favorite little hole-in-the wall restaurants had either upgraded, moved, or disappeared.
-Hair washes at the little hair shops are now 10 kuai (about $1.50) instead of 8 kuai (about $1.25).
-Watermelon now costs 2 kuai instead of 1 kuai.
-Sadly, sadly watermelon lady did not remember me.
-People seemed less friendly (for example, one lady on the bus got into an argument with Reborn about how she was sure I looked down on China as a foreigner).
-The lake now has a mile-long bridge over it, which has spurred massive development around new campus area.
-Oh, and Blue Sky University (Lan Tian Xue Yuan) has since changed its name to Jiangxi University of Technology (Jiangxi KeJi Xue Yuan). Sigh... so much less unique!

One main reason for my trip was to be an encouragement to my friends in China, especially Reborn. I definitely think we both encouraged each other. When I left 2 years ago, Reborn was just a baby believer, and now I am in awe at how the Father has grown and changed her. As a senior, she is a leader in her fellowship, takes care of many younger sisters from her fellowship, and has an incredibly strong and vibrant faith. During my visit she probably encouraged me the most in the area of prayer and dependence on God.

It was so difficult saying goodbye to her last Friday night. She bought a 1 kuai ticket so she could go into the Nanchang train station and see me onto the overnight train to Beijing. We hugged and hugged, and then she just stood on the platform in the rain, waving and walking along with the ancient train as it gathered speed. That was when I started crying for the first time in a long time, although I quickly stopped when I realized the whole train was staring at the teary white girl. How could I leave baby Reborn?? But I knew that we were still best friends, even when we are a whole world apart, and that the Father will continue to grow her, love her, and shine a light through her.

The long journey home consisted of many train and plane rides, and I'm currently back in Kansas for a few days! I have severe jet lag and can barely sleep, but it's nice to be home with my Mom, the blue Kansas sky, lots of meat, and not really a care in the world for the moment.

I'd love to share more pictures with you, but my camera (which I purchased in China 4 years ago) is having technical difficulties. Maybe later!


With Baby Reborn!