Whirlwinding

From 8 am to 10 pm every day, I'm usually working, out and about, and staying busy with almost too many activities. Life is truly a whirlwind. Yet, I feel entirely at rest and joyful. How can that be?

Today, for example, there was a big crisis with a huge program we run at work, and it became my responsibility to put out the fire, respond to the public, take charge, and get things in order. It was intense, but ultimately rewarding. It could have been a true nightmare with that much pressure, but God gave me the strength and the appropriate response. I went into the situation not knowing what on earth I was going to do with angry people and a total meltdown on my hands, but He provided! There was so much at stake, yet I felt such calm in the middle of the storm.

There have been many storms lately, but that's when we as Christians learn the most, and I'm no exception. In small group we've been studying Romans: "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3,4.

Now, I definitely don't relish suffering or being in difficult circumstances, but I've also learned not to run from discomfort and challenges, knowing that it's in those times that God's presence seems the most noticeable and His grace that much greater than our own shortcomings. It's also in those times when our character is developed and refined to reflect His glory. As believers, we can be at rest in the midst of the storm, the hustle and bustle of the world, and the unexpected times of suffering--all because of what Christ did for us on the cross!

In other less reflective news, Jennifer and I went skiing up in Michigan this past weekend. They received 12 inches of beautiful snow, and we had a marvelous time at her dear grandma's house. Jenn and I skied for hours upon freezing hours, but it was exhilarating to be plummeting down mountains, and nobody got hurt! I hadn't been skiing in almost 3 years, so it was nice to know I could still handle it. Ah, adventures are always such a welcome blessing! Oh, and I would love to live near a mountain someday, somewhere. Skiing is always quite exhilarating, and boy, did we talk to some good-looking, adventure-loving guys while we were there! ;)

Have a blessed, restful week in the midst of whatever little rain clouds or storms you may find yourself experiencing!

Heavenly!

Lots of cars were sliding off all around us, but my trusty little car kept going!

It was certainly bittersweet having to leave and head back south for work!

On the slopes with my frozen face!

Sitting by a roaring fireplace with Jenn.

Community-ing

"Community" is a word you hear all the time interchangeably: it can be used in regard to a nation, a city, a neighborhood, a group of friends... Different verbs can also be applied to community. You can build, grow, expand, maintain, and improve it. And you can be intertwined with that community to varying degrees.

Lately I've reflected on the different communities I'm involved with, and how much color and texture they add to life. At church, I'm involved in a community through Sunday school, small group, and international student ministry. With friends, it's a wide network of people in close proximity or scattered across the globe. In this city where I currently live, community seems to be defined through my work and volunteering roles.

It's amazing to know someone at just about every place I go. Some people even come up to me and say they know me, although I don't know them. How did I get to be famous? I guess it's by investing in this community and not just taking from it. When you're involved in 500 different activities, you get to know a large proportion of the community--people from all ages and walks of life.

Most likely I won't be living in this specific community after this summer, but I can say that I gave it my all. I truly loved this place, the people, and tried to see this community through God's eyes. And hopefully I'll leave all of those various facets of community a little better off than when I came upon them. And I think this place and these people have also helped change me for the better.

This past week, in particular, I've realized the myriad blessings of community through some interactions: Praying with a dear friend in China over Skype, encouraging someone in my small group, and hearing how what I do in my job is truly helping those who are marginalized, low-income, or struggling.

Yesterday I got to stand out in the freezing cold for two hours at Walmart to tell folks about a service we offer that has a huge financial and social impact in the community. There was a man and his wife who were waiting in front of Walmart as we set up our table. He had read about us in the newspaper and came out just to talk to us about the program. They looked so weary and worn-out from life. I wanted to give them a hug. That's when I realized that what I do matters--we are helping people in real, tangible ways that help people keep their homes, feed their families, and keep their jobs.

Here's another story published today in our local newspaper about the event, after the editor came out to interview us. You have to be a subscriber to read the online part, but I can quote some of the key parts. :)

"Free tax help to be offered at 10 sites"

Never was a person more aptly named for a job than Laura Freeze. Then it goes on to explain how I and other representatives from various local nonprofits and the IRS were out in the 22 degree cold telling folks about the Free Community Tax Service and other financial stability initiatives. Freeze, her cheeks bright pink from the cold, was wearing long underwear, thick mittens and insulated boots. “My face is feeling a little frozen, but there’s a lot of good energy out here,” she said with a smile. Then the story goes on to interview others. It just warmed my heart, even though we were so cold and my face looked like a cherry tomato!!

But these efforts of being involved in community would be all for naught if they weren't done in love and for His glory. Each bitterly cold morning, I roll out of bed with a prayer already on my lips: "God, please give me your strength for today. Let whatever I say or do be all for your name's sake!"

That reminds me of what David Jeremiah said recently:

Most of our worries involve a fear of insufficiency. We're afraid we're not good enough as parents or providers or Christians or whatever. Or we're concerned we don't have enough, whether food or money or health or strength. When we think of ourselves as the source of our own sufficiency, we have reason to worry and be concerned. But as Christians, our sufficiency is from God. "And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work" (2 Corinthians 9:8). His grace is sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:9).


Here are a few "community" pictures of late:

Had international friends over for dinner.

Love the look of sheer delight on their faces while we played "Guesstures."

Aw, young lovers...

A variety of folks helping me talk about the Free Community Tax Service.

Frozen, but content.

Living victoriously

One of my good friends from high school just had a beautiful baby and named her "Laura." We were taking about the meaning of her name, and we decided that basically it boiled down to the meaning of "victorious." We were talking about her brand-new daughter, but then I go to thinking that meaning also applies to me and all the other lovely Lauras out there.

So what does it mean to live victoriously?

By the world's dictionary, living victoriously probably means:

-Making lots of money
-Being successful
-Looking attractive
-Achieving your dreams
-Being well-liked
-Appearing confident
-Being right

Hmmm... something about that definition just doesn't seem aligned with the Bible... Then just about a day later, I opened up my devotional and read:

"You can achieve the victorious life through living in deep dependence on Christ. People usually associate victory with success: not falling or stumbling, not making mistakes. But those who are successful in their own strength tend to go their own way, forgetting about Jesus. It is through problems and failure, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on the Lord."

So as a Christ-follower, we are victorious by:

-Depending on Him
-Being last and not first
-Admitting our shortcomings
-Confessing our sins
-Allowing Christ to transform us daily
-Calling on His power and strength

Thus, I realized that although I often feel like a failure in the world's eyes, I have actually been leading a victorious life-- all because of Christ. I have stumbled, fallen, and made mistakes. Yet Christ has the ultimate victory through the cross. How magnificent that we can share in that victory just by the fact that our identity is in Him!

That's all for now folks. I'm off to live my life as Laura the Victorious.

Year of refinement

There aren't many prettier sights out your window than a whole sparkly world encased in white, with a brilliant blue sky overhead... And to think that I was worried Andrea from balmy Florida wouldn't see a drop of snow when she visited me for Christmas! It snowed 12.5 inches the day after Christmas and then another 3 inches yesterday.

Our Christmas turned out beautifully. On Christmas Eve we went to a candlelight service at church. We picked up my Indian friend, and the Chinese guy who wanted to come with us brought 3 of his friends, who had never been in a church before! It was so uplifting and rather fun. These are people I want to continue to invest in and love.

I went back to work Thursday, and Mom will be here for a few days. She's amazing! I've felt so overwhelmed by a lot of things, especially medical bills, and she's helping me organize them and figure out next steps. We also have just enjoyed chatting (Mom's not a huge chatter-box, although I probably am), and reading, etc. I've always been so independent, but it's still nice to have your mother visit as a dear friend and encourager.

And as the year draws to a close, it's time to reflect. There were good, bad, and hard things that happened throughout 2012:

-Graduated with a master's degree
-Turned 26
-Transitioned from my job with the city to working with a nonprofit
-Visited China for 3 weeks and was reunited with dear friends in far-flung places of the country
-Dated, but then mutually decided to part ways with a good guy and friend
-Experienced physical and mental pain due to the accident and associated craziness
-Developed some incredible friendships
-Learned and grew in more ways than I could imagine!

I'm not the same Laura of January 2012. This past year I've struggled more than I ever have in my life. Some of those struggles were as a result of my own sin and stubbornness, and others were for reasons I may never know until I get to heaven. No matter the reason, 2012 was a refining time, and I have truly been refined by the Refiner's fire. It was painful at times, lonely at times, and even devastating at times, as I came to the end of myself and He stripped away my pretenses, pride, defenses, dreams, desires, health...

Yet out of the fire has come redemption! He took the broken Laura and has shaped me more into who He created me to be. I have rediscovered that life is not worth living if it is not ENTIRELY and WHOLLY devoted to Him and His purposes. Of course we are never done being refined and changed, but this year seemed like refinement boot camp. And I am reminded:

"God causes your confidence in your own natural virtues and power to wither away. He will continue until you learn to draw your life from the reservoir of the resurrection life of Jesus." ~Oswald Chambers

Although it's hard to believe it's almost 2013 (isn't it still 2007 or something?), I'm looking forward to the brand new year and all that God has in store not only for me, but also friends and family!

Have a wonderfully blessed 2013!

Pretty downtown with pretty Mom and Andrea.

Our stockings were hung by the staircase with care...

After the blizzard.

Sledding with Andrea!

Christmasing

Christmas is... tomorrow! Mom and Andrea came here to my little townhouse in sleepy Bloomington. I have no Christmas decorations to speak of, except some real pine branches I stuck in a pretty vase. Mom brought a little tree we decorated and put out some festive place mats on the table. My roommate's been gone for over a week, so it was getting really quiet here. My family has brought such joy and cheer with them! I love sitting around at night telling stories, laughing until we cry, and reflecting on God's grace. He is so good!

However, there's a little nagging voice struggling to be heard in my head that wants me to be disappointed. I want to be home home. I want to be tucked away cozily in our little house on the Kansas prairie...To see all our neighbors, old friends, and my dad...To sit by the fireplace or sprawl out on the living room floor and admire all the old ornaments on the tree...To go outside and gaze at the crisp, brilliant winter sky that seems unique only to Kansas.

But I have so much and so many people to be thankful for! It's Christmases like these that often make the best memories. I think of the past two Christmases in Kansas, when we invited international friends over to stay with us. They loved staying with an American family and celebrating Christmas for the first time.

Then I also think of the two Christmases in the middle of China. You wouldn't even know it's Christmas where we lived. Everyone still worked, there wasn't a single Christmas decoration or song anywhere. We were thousands of miles away from our families. Yet, we were blessed beyond belief. We as a team had each other, and had the privilege of teaching all our students in communist China about our dear Savior's birth. For gifts we'd exchange silly little items we bought at the little shops in the alleys near campus--random keychains shaped like pieces of bacon, glittery pony tail holders, or bizarre pictures of ourselves taken at hole-in-the-wall photo shops. We would also visit the deaf kindergarten down the road or the orphanage on the other side of town to play with the precious kids. Celebrating Christmas there wasn't conventional by Western standards.

One of those Christmases we walked around in the pouring rain, stepping over soggy piles of garbage and stray dogs in the street to sing carols to our Chinese neighbors and friends. No one had any idea what on earth we were singing or why we were singing, but they all listened respectfully and delightedly. The most joy-filled moment was when we found our elderly "trash man" friend who lived on the street picking up trash. We sang "O Holy Night" just for him in the middle of an alley with its overflowing rivers of rain and trash. The look on his face, and his toothless grin, was probably one of the greatest Christmas highlights possible.

So really, it doesn't matter that my family is visiting me in my drafty apartment, and that I don't have genuine Christmas decorations. When you are surrounded by people you love, that's all that matters. And I'm trying to remember that by being here in Indiana over the holidays, I've been able to spend time with people who are also far away from their homes or maybe don't know about the meaning of Christmas. Already there are three international students who are planning on coming to Christmas Eve service with us...

Have the most blessed and merriest of Christmases, no matter where you may be, dear readers!

Some recent Christmas memories:

A delightful Kansas Christmas with the international students who stayed with us (plus random Topeka friends).

Singing to the trash man in Nanchang.

Decorating cookies with orphans who had never seen such a kind of treat before.

Playing with the kids at the deaf kindergarten.

Celebrating Christmas in an apartment in Nanchang with fellow Chinese believers.

Hand of grace

The other day I had to work on writing a detailed summary of what has happened to me physically since September. As I recounted the accident, the possibility of losing my arm, nearly dying because of an allergic reaction that wasn't treated in time, horrible side effects of medications, and weeks of physical therapy, I was surprised at how I didn't automatically have the thought, "I wish this never happened!" I also didn't think, "I'm glad all this happened!," but I've moved to acceptance, and even some gratitude for God's hand of grace in my life, which has been especially evident during this particular course of events.

It feels like I'm rebuilding my life not only physically, but also relationally and spiritually. It's hard to trust--trust God, trust guys, and people in general, it seems.

For the most part I still wish all those things hadn't happened over the past few months. The after effects seem almost as overwhelming as when those things were happening. Yet, through it all, the presence of God has been noticeable and unforgettable. And I'm definitely a different person than just a few short (yet really long!) months ago.

We have been created to change and grow, and that purpose seems to have been amplified of late. Here are some things I've learned or had reinforced, in no particular order:

-'Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds' (James 1:2).
-God is truly, truly present in our lives and working actively, not passively or just remotely
-Every interaction we have with someone has the potential to bless someone in little or big ways
-There's no place for fear and a timid spirit!
-Even in the midst of seemingly constant struggle, He is always, always there, waiting for you to run to Him
-Miracles really do happen
-Just taking life one step at a time is sometimes all you can do, and you don't have to feel guilty for not doing more or being more
-Having an amazing church and some of the most caring friends and family in the world will help you get through most anything
-Satisfaction is only found when focused on Christ and others
-I can better understand and have more patience for those who are slower, have chronic pain, or have messy lives (don't we all?)
-There's a lot of little, stupid things in life that just don't matter
-There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus
-We are free to make mistakes and to be authentic!
-I'm still fun and funny, even when I'm in a hospital bed or presenting to a group of community leaders about tax software!

And lately I've also been doing activities that make my heart happy... Hanging out with teens who have experienced homelessness and are on the road to self-sufficiency. Loving internationals. Volunteering to visit home-bound elderly folks. Hosting people at my home. Making crafty gifts for people. Creating clever radio shows that air in Bloomington. Going to small group each week and sharing life with others. Catching up with old friends and making room for new ones. Making connections with people and between people. Encouraging others consistently.

And something else that will make my heart happy is my upcoming visit this weekend to northern Indiana. I'll be visiting my dear friend, Kelsey. She was in China my second year there, and we had so many awesome adventures together. I've so thrilled to be reunited with her!

How have you seen God's grace evident in your life lately? How has your heart been happy?

November blessings

Operation Thankfulness has been well under way for a couple of weeks now. Slowly, slowly, I think my perspective has been changing, and it's like God's given me new eyes.

There have still been some difficult things going on:
-Physical therapy is twice a week. Part of the therapy is having my kneecaps and thighs scrapped with something akin to a windshield scraper to get rid of all the scar tissue that has built up inside my legs since the accident. This leaves broken blood vessels all over my legs and bruises my knees even more.
-I still can't run or bike or dance ballet.
-The bills continue to accumulate by the thousands of dollars.

BUT... there have been many more amazingly encouraging things going on:
-I feel much, much more like my self--even like an improved version of my self. When you're on the brink of death a couple of times, you really learn what is valuable in life. And I have learned to live much more freely and generously and lovingly.
-I've had some of the best, most insightful and uplifting conversations lately with friends and family.
-I've heard countless stories of God's incredible faithfulness in times of adversity.
-The power of prayer has been displayed so brilliantly.

Probably the greatest highlight was having the opportunity to travel to southern California to see Jodi's wedding. Jodi was my teammate in China for 2 years--the second year we were a team of our own and became very dear friends. From her I learned how to cook, how to be hospitable, how to love and live largely, how to trust God for everything, and how to play awesome card games. :)

I flew out to Long Beach last week and stayed with her family. I've stayed with them a couple of times before, and love them more each time I see them. They are a wonderful example of faith and living out God's Word. My time out there was both restorative and highly enjoyable!

I loved being around millions of Asian-Americans, many of whom I've met before. They have such a close-knit community, and for some reason I really click with them. I think I must be Asian-American, although I look pretty white on the outside. One funny story--I was sitting at a banquet table with 10 other cool Asians. They were debating about the proper pronunciation of a Chinese word and looked at me for the right answer. Everyone laughed about the irony of the only white girl knowing the proper Chinese word.

It was also pretty warm in comparison to Indiana, where it snowed here last week. I enjoyed listening to and sharing wonderful stories, laughing until I cried, helping out with intense wedding preparations (there were 350 guests!), and eating great food. At the wedding reception, I was out there right in the middle of the dance floor, sometimes right in the middle of the circle dancing quite freely. My knees paid dearly for it, but I felt so joyful and like the old Laura.

I was also reunited with several of my old China teammates--some of whom I hadn't seen for 3 years. It's amazing to see how they've grown and changed, yet it was like we hadn't been apart for even a day. As the youngest, I was still Baby Laura, but also realized I have grown a lot in the past couple of years. We laughed, nearly cried, and remembered crazy China stories and God's amazing faithfulness. I felt so at home and so blessed to be with them again, that I don't think I could have been any happier.

My last plane back from California was the 23rd plane I've been on since March, I calculated. Whew. I think it's time to settle down a bit for the next few months. There are still plenty of adventures to be had, though, even in the middle of Indiana!

I want to leave you with an amazing C.S. Lewis quote that really spoke to me, and kind of encompasses some of the past few months to me:

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

And here are some pictures from California:

Banqueting. We went to Mr. Poon's favorite Chinese restaurant. I hadn't had such authentic food like that since China.

Baby Jodi with the cross-stitch I made as her wedding present. It says "joy" in mangled Chinese.

Hanging out a couple of nights before the wedding!

With the beautiful bride, Mrs. Baby Jodi! She and Samson are incredibly precious together. God is already working mightily through them!

Mischievous.