Struggles

I know that yesterday's post was entitled, "Keeping my spirits up" or something. Lately my spirits are up maybe every other day. I'd like for the gloomy weather to take responsibility for the days where I just want to curl up in a ball on the floor. But I know I can't blame it all on the weather. Maybe just some of it.

The puddles outside continue to grow and grow. I'm trying to focus on the fact that the land and the people really need all that water. But perhaps two weeks straight of it is about enough? Oh, and that picture is of us one early morning at school before class. Do we look totally drained of any sunlight? Do I look like I'm 30 years old? :)

Okay, maybe I sound a little negative underneath the surface. I'm really trying not to be, but I guess it's okay to let some of it show, because I'm really struggling with staying positive and purposeful! It's so difficult for me not to be consumed by the circumstances--the cold and rain that seeps into your bones, the constant supply of greasy-laden food, the abundance of dirt and grime, and sometimes feeling like I'm not accomplishing much of anything here.

Yesterday's discussions in class were great and encouraging, like I mentioned, but today's made me want to scream. I wanted to shout, "don't you ever think anything differently than you've been told? Don't you ever have any halfway creative answers??" So obviously my frustration has sort of built up. I had to calm down and remember that they are all beloved in His eyes, and that although they are products of their culture, so am I. They are just different. They don't question things out loud. They have not been taught to think outside of the box.

But on the positive side, I'm trying to focus on these things instead: the beauty of the people and their hearts, wonderful relationships with several of my students and teammates, the fact that I have any food and shelter at all, the absence of any sickness in my body for the moment, and that He is always there for me!

I've also been thinking that perhaps I was created for just a time as this: to be a teacher in the middle of China in 2009, as many hopes and dreams deteriorate because of the economic "crisis" or other things. I have the opportunity to share with them that they don't have to be ruled by the circumstances. There is a hope in something and Someone else, which you have to look beyond those circumstances to see--something I have to remind myself about, too.

Thanks again for your thoughts. We continue on, strong in His strength...

Keeping my spirits up

(The "laowai" skating down a nicer neighborhood in Nanchang, before the rain began).
(What "Gray Sky University" looks like these days).


Where to start? There are just little stories that have happened over the past couple of days, which I'd like to tell you about. None of the stories are life-changing or anything, but they are still pleasant to write about.

Lately I've been so exhausted--trying to stay warm, trying to stay dry, trying to engage my students in class, etc. But it's been a good past few days, nevertheless.

In class we have been discussing what it means to live "happily ever after." Is it money or family or something else? It has been a great topic, because my students are really interested in this topic, probably because they also want to live "happily ever after."

Today I had my top-notch freshmen class. I asked for their views on what makes people happy. So many students volunteered to share, and several of them started to heatedly debate each other--in English!! My heart swelled with pride as I just stood there watching this unfold. I only stepped in a couple of times to remind them that everyone's opinion is important.

It was a glorious moment in my time teaching here so far. It has been one of my endeavors to spark some passion or anger or any kind of emotion in them. So often they sit in class very passively, and if they share any opinion, it is usually all the same, rather meaningless thing that they've learned to recite over and over.

Today was different somehow. I especially loved listening to the class secretary and class monitor--the two highest "ranking" students-- grill each other. And the other students who got involved were also communicating in English the whole time! Not once did they revert to Chinese. Ah, I'm a proud teacher today...

This afternoon we had English corner as usual. Jodi and I were the only foreign teachers able to attend. Everyone else was off teaching special classes, or they were with Shannon at the hospital (she has a bad cough--maybe you can think of her).

Anyway, only four very dedicated students showed up in the bitter cold and wind by the pond where English corner is held. So we walked back through the puddles and gushy mud to our relatively warm office to hold an informal English corner with them.

And here's a random, but funny little story. Jodi has a new class, where she's teaching English to freshmen nursing students. There are two girls in there who sit together. Can you guess their names? Dimples and Dimpley. I probably didn't spell it right, but I just can't stop laughing about that.

In other news, I'm more than surviving. Things are moving right along, and maybe someday it will warm up, although it isn't supposed to stop raining anytime in the near future.

Gray Sky University

Blue Sky University has been more like Gray Sky University lately. I think they named the school "Blue Sky," because it would make them feel better about the weather. Now that I think about it, the skies are gray probably about 75 percent of the time that we've been here.''

There isn't too much to report lately. We've all been very busy, and just teaching and living and loving. Never before in my life have I had to rely on the Father so much--continually, it seems.

A couple of days ago I sent in my application to continue with this organization next year. I probably won't be in Nanchang again, but I would be teaching at a public university somewhere in this huge country. Perhaps you can lift me up as I have to decide if I'll stay or in what capacity? If I return, it will probably be more long-term, so that means I have to commit myself for staying for a good, long while. I'm entirely fine with the idea of staying in China; I'm just not entirely fine yet with the idea of teaching for at least a few more years.

I don't know what else to write about. In one of my classes today, we had a mock wedding. The two students who were the "bride" and "groom" have the English names Apple and Cookie. I got to play the part of the pastor. As I was "marrying" them, I was thinking, "We are gathered here today to join Apple and Cookie, two pieces of food, together in matrimony." Those are some ways I entertain myself during class. :)

I'm leaving you with a video Jodi filmed--this is what it sounds like in our apartments sometimes with all these fireworks randomly exploding in the city.

Rain and Rappelling

(Look what we found right outside our bathroom window this morning-- a very jolly young guy rappelling off the side of our apartment! He was installing PVC pipes on the outside and he was so kind to smile for this photo.)

I think the phrase I hear most often in China in English is this: "The weather is so changeable!" My students will say to me nearly every day: "The weather is so changeable!" The other Chinese English teachers will earnestly report to us: "The weather is so changeable!"

Yes, I finally agree. Yesterday the sun appeared just long enough for us to go wreak havoc by rollerblading through all the neighborhoods. My team leader also got rollerblades, so now there are three of us very foreign looking girls who run wild on the streets with slick skates. Little children raced us, and bicycles nearly crashed as the riders craned their necks to observe this crazy sight.

So the weather was nice, because it wasn't raining. But I forgot to wear gloves on our long skating excursion through Nanchang, so I'm sad to write that I once again have chilblains on my fingers. Sigh... I just hope I haven't damaged my fingers for life.

Then today it was rainy again. Joelle and I crammed on the bus to Metro, a German store in Nanchang with some foreign, i.e. German, goods. It took the mandatory 3 hours to buy just a few things. We were in transit or looking for transit for about half of that time.

Then my heart was sunnier, because my student came over to study the word again and to eat some American food. She was here most of the late afternoon and early evening. I made us some spaghetti for dinner, which she had never eaten before. I gave her a heaping bowl of spaghetti, with a fork. It was so fun watching her eat, because she was totally unfamiliar with using a fork. I offered to give her chopsticks, but she was up for the challenge of eating with Western utensils. All in all, I think she thought the spaghetti tasted rather good and that the fork was a rather novel idea.

Thanks again for your thoughts! The time with her was truly blessed, just like last time.

Teaching teachers

Today was rainy and cold again for the sixth consecutive day. I have to remind myself that it is much needed rain, and that I shouldn't get whiny about it.

I only taught one class today during my 7:30 to 4:45 day. The rest of that time was filled with a million office hours, and eating lunch with a student.

My class was okay, and then Joelle, Jonathan, and I went to the student cafeteria for lunch with some of our students. My student and I ate heaping bowls of undercooked dumplings, while listening to the regaling stories of Jonathan's student, who is sort of a part-time male model.

During the day we also discovered that we will be teaching in additional ways. On Thursdays, starting next week, we will still go to English corner, and some of us will teach an hour class for the top English students on the campus. On Saturdays, we will also rotate teaching English to a class of auto mechanics. Yes, some auto mechanics.

Instead of English corner today, we went to visit the office of about a dozen other English teachers. They were all so kind and friendly. Most of the Chinese English teachers were in their late-twenties. We were sent there to talk with them and try to offer them some advice on teaching. We sat on little wooden chairs, as they faced us eagerly expecting some sort of help.

The majority of them have been teaching English to non-English majors for about six years, and they are bored stiff and frustrated in their jobs. Their students are not motivated to learn, and the teachers get the blame when the students do not do well on exams. They have been teaching much longer than we have, but they looked to us as the experts. They were never trained as teachers, although their English is pretty good. They also aren't provided with any resources. They only know how to teach in a very traditional way, which bores them and doesn't do anything to motivate their students.

So basically all we did was try to encourage them as best we could. I just felt a little overwhelmed by these teachers who were really eager for any advice. Or maybe it was hope they were looking for?

Tonight the girls on our team and I made a gigantic salad for dinner. We only eat food doused in grease and oil and MSG, so once and a while it is worth the effort to find some lettuce and wash all the dirt and fertilizer (manure) off of it. Yummy! :) I also found some strawberries at the market for about 50 cents. Gosh, they were heavenly.

It's getting late and I can't think straight anymore, so I'll say goodbye for now.

Ideal attributes

Guten Tag from drizzly China!

Today it is still rainy and cold, but my spirits were in better shape today. I taught four hours of classes in a row, which always wears me out, but I managed to maintain my energy level.

It also helped that the lesson I had prepared was informative, but also somewhat entertaining. We discussed engagement and marriage, which of course made all my little innocent students very excited.

My favorite activity was when we made a list on the blackboard about the ideal attributes in a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Here were some of the girls' ideas for the "perfect" boyfriend:
-Loyal
-Handsome
-Tall
-Responsible
-Honest
-A gentleman
-No smoking

Here were some of the boys' ideas for the "perfect" girlfriend:
-Good cook
-Not too fat
-Not too thin
-Have a long hair (To this I asked, "Only a long hair?" Then they realized their grammar mistake after we all had a hearty laugh).
-Well-educated
-Mature
-Beautiful
-White skin
-Kind
-Should have two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth

Anyway, lately I've had a hard time getting around the fact that I feel like my students are all two-dimensional. Is that a terrible thing to say? I don't know. I don't mean it in a demeaning way. It's just something I've been thinking of lately, especially when I try to get them to think critically. They haven't been taught to think critically or outside the box. So when you try to get them to, they have the tendency to shut down or to withdraw in confusion. A few students rise to the challenge, like it is something very new and interesting, but then the other kids in the class will just look at them quizzically.

That's another thing I've noticed, people in China don't thrive on independence or sticking-out of the crowd like most Americans. There are a lot of cultural and social norms that they must adhere to, just because that's the way it's always been. It's not right or wrong, I guess it's just different and it's something I have to adapt to when I'm teaching my students.

I think that's all of the profound observations I have for today. Have a happy Wednesday!

P.S. I was gnawing on a chocolate bar my mom had mailed me. I stopped my gnawing when I noticed this piece of advice on the label: "Enjoy in moderation." Wow, that was aimed right at me!

Toasty toes on a cold day

Receiving packages in China is a wonderful, much-anticipated event for us here. Although several packages that were mailed to us between December 1st and February 1st seem lost in a black hole, other packages have arrived. That includes amazing chocolate from my Mom and "toasty toes" from my aunt.

Today is the third or fourth day of cold and rain here. I'm sort of losing count, and it's supposed to be raining until next Thursday at least. If that happens, it will be raining for 12 days straight. But I'll try not to dwell on it! I should be thankful that the drought is ending here.

So I'm back to teaching in the classroom with a winter coat and gear on. But it seems that my extremities aren't as frigid anymore! I've got self-activated and self-heating "toasty toes" inside my shoes now. Those are little packets that outdoorsmen wear to stay warm. Maybe a Nanchang school building isn't as rugged as a Montana mountain, but I'd almost argue that it is. I mean, it is freezing cold in the classroom, you still have to go to the bathroom in a hole in the ground, you have to hike (up endless stairs), and you have to battle wild animals/students. :)

There isn't too much else to report from here. One of our recent lessons has been about "honesty." It's been a fascinating lesson, probably because it's been so bizarre. I think that my students understand the concept of honesty, but they think every situation has an exception to it. I've discovered that the majority of them think it's sometimes okay to cheat on an exam, or to sometimes not pay bus fare, etc., due to a variety of reasons. In China there are definitely a lot more "gray" areas.

It was also interesting to listen to my students and their logic. I asked the question, "Why is honesty important in society?" My favorite answer: "Honesty is important in society, because honesty is important." OR "Honesty is important in society, because honesty is important in society." Then I would reemphasize the WHY part. Most of them could not come up with a reason, so I made sure to supply them with a variety of reasons, which they seemed confused about.

So we will be teaching until June. We found out, though, that we have two days off for a holiday between now and then. My favorite is that we will have one day off in April for tomb-sweeping day. This is important in China, because everyone goes to clean and pay their respects at their relatives' graves. I'll keep you posted on my plans for this day. :)

Well, how can I be thinking of you? I'm sure you have good/strange/frustrating days too. Have a blessed Tuesday!

P.S. The funeral music finally stopped playing after one week!